Janitorial


The Jani - torial
by the Editor in Chief




The Janitorial

I was mopping at The Culbertson Mansion last Tuesday when the Bucket screamed and said "I saw a ghost!" "Goodness, said the mop!" I chimed in that I was aware of ghosts at the mansion, and had experiences with them, but had never seen a ghost there.

"It was Cornelia Culbertson, the second wife of William Culbertson from 140 years ago!" said the Bucket. Are you sure?, I said... "Oh yes, most DEFINATELY!" said the bucket.

The mop ejaculated that the bucket was "all wet". I then added ...now hold on. I have had doors open for me, and a paint brush I was using jumped from a chair onto the floor, several feet away...This was up on the third floor hallway, outside the Ballroom. I think Bucket may be onto something.

"I saw Cornelia levitate from the first floor hallway all the way up the stair, a full 60 steps up to the third floor!" She kept saying "Poor, poor Dudley! and crying and wailing. And she then went into the trunk closet and began throwing things all over the room.

I then looked at Mop and we both said at the same time, Bucket, You have been Hitting the Suds again!

Boo! Happy Halloween!







I was talking to the old mop and bucket the other day, and I was accused of being a "Drama Queen". Hey, thanks for noticing!!! Bitches!!!!! 

Just to prove that I am a theater fag, here is the resume that I use to taunt directors with at auditions! 

David Dewberry 

Voice range: High Baritone/ Second tenor 

Performance style: genetic male with something extra! 

As a lucky charm to some people, I have been reminded that Lucky Charms are Magically Delicious! 

Webster University Graduate School 
M.A. Graduate Work in Marketing 

Indiana University 
B.A. English 

Lead Historical Interpretor for 
The Culbertson Mansion, New Albany, Indiana 
Indiana Department of Natural Resources (DNR) 
Indiana State Museum 
Division of State Historic Sites 

I am a Historian and Researcher that leads tours of a 19th century Victorian Mansion. I am involved in maintenance of the historic artifacts as well. I am also a Volunteer member of The Friends of The Culbertson Mansion. As such, I am involved in Ghost Tours, Haunted House Presentaions, Murder Mysteries and Living History Shows. 
As an actor and singer, I am part of a team that recreates life in the 19th century in New Albany, Indiana. 

Other Theatrical Jobs Of Note: 

Stage Manager 
for a 19th Century Spirit Seance Recreation 
Ghosts appeared and spoke to our guests. I made the performing magician "look good" by causing the ghostly effects to happen on cue. I also greeted the audience and delivered them to the Haunted Location as a guide through the Southern Indiana woods location using a Kerosene Lantern. 2 years of scary entertainment employment. The only thing dead about this production was the "magician". 

Stage Manager 
for a Cabaret style show featuring female impersonators, comics, puppeteers, strippers and a legion of drunken revellors that were laughing and socializing in our audience. 
I announced the acts from a backstage microphone, much like a vaudeville show. I also cued the performers. One year of fun employment at The Connection Complex. I worked with George Stinson, Ed Lewis and Hurricane Summers. In addition, I was able to drop 230lbs by leaving my ex. Yes, he weighed 230 lbs. He carried a lot of weight on the drag stage. 

Solo singer and Section Leader 
for a variety of religious employers that paid me by both under the table agreements and above board professional agreements and in trade at Concordia Lutheran, Wall Street Methodist, St. Marks UCC, The Episcopal Church of The Advent, The Christian Scientist Church, Central Presbyterian, Douglass Blvd UCC...I did not know that church organists are gay till I worked in churches. Oh MY! 

Professional Chorus 
the Kentucky Opera in productions of Aida, The Yeomen of The Guard with John Reed, Fidelio with Edda Moser, two productions of Trial By Jury, The Golden Cockeral, ... The Producing Director, said "Mr. Dyue Barry, YOU are SO Funny". We had one very pretentious conductor that was blathering on, and on until I held up my hand and my musical score and asked "WHAT are all these funny BLACK MARKS?" 

Union (AEA) Musical Theater 
When Derby Dinner Playhouse was a professional (AEA) theatre, as George Read in 1776! At our matinees I LOVED the smell of old folks in the morning! We had a famous actor that had worked with Ellen Barkin in a movie. During the many interminable "freezes" in this show, he would slowly and methodically move to a completely different position...totally unnoticed. I, however, usually was serenaded by a variety of teenagers in the audience; for six weeks running, who would shout during the show: "FAG!" 

Amusement Park 
Kentucky Kingdom; singer/actor/dancer/announcer I was the stock black male singer; okay, the stock black GAY male singer...even though I am a white gay male singer. There were no blacks working in the shows that season. There were also "no gays" there either! 

Summerstock Theatre 
Spring Mill State Park (Indiana), Snake in The Apple Tree, Buffalo Bill in Annie get Your Gun. Frank in that show was very hot, and so was his husband back home in Bloomington! 

Non union (AEA) Dinner Theatre. Holiday Inn Dinner Theater as Kent in Desty Rides Again, Tulsa in Gypsy. 

Motion Picture 
STRIPES, Columbia Pictures, filmed in Louisville, Kentucky and Ft. Knox. I was a military recruit. Appeared with Bill Murray, John Candy, Harold Ramis, Judge Reinhold, Directed by Ivan Reitman. The Assistant Director said I looked like Donny Osmond. "Could you try to look less Clean?"...he said with a smile and a wink. He was really hot! 

Indiana University 
as Billy Dimple in The Contrast...My very most favorite show. The Courier Journal critic said, "As Billy Dimple, David Dewberry is downright excellent!". Well it IS hard to build upon THAT review. Nowhere else to go from there. If you want excellence, I guess you MUST choose me. Remember, with David Dewberry, there is no part TOO LARGE, nor too small! I used to have an agent at Faces Limited Talent Agency. They named the agency after me. An ex boyfrind said my stage name there should have been "Neal Standing". 

Community Theater 
Chris Wren in The Mousetrap at Clarksville Little Theater. The Courier Journal critic suggested that "David Dewberry plays over the top as a Queen!" Not A Queen, ladies, THE QUEEN! And I was NOT playing! I also received the Clarksville Little Theatre "Dickie Deddens award for 'Youthful Enthusiasm" for this role! So there, bitches! 

Parks and Recreation Theater, Summer Theatre at High Schools and Universities Mordred in Camelot, King in Cinderella, Rolph in The Sound of Music, Curly in Oklahoma, Nathan Detroit in Guys and Dolls, Mr. Brownlow in Oliver!, Lawyer in Whose Life is it Anyway?, Judge in Hello, Dolly!, Deleivery Guy in Bells Are Ringing, Fyedka in Fiddler on The Roof. 

Radio Recordings: 
As Billy Bigelow in Carousel, as Sherlock Holmes in two radio dramas. They said I had a Great Face For Radio!!! 

Various: 
radio and television commercials and other kinds of porno including Fashion Shows, Weddings, Funerals and other unhappy occassions. Hot Browns, a black musical in Louisville. I was a white person in that show.

Have a great Summer, 

Hugs, 

David 




April 2009 

I asked the Mop why his bucket was so dirty this month. "Well, I have been working to help clean up the big banks, the ones that have a big Ponzi Scheme". You mean like Bernie Maddof? I asked. "Why Yes", the Mop said. "Bernie Maddoff is an amateur compared to the Banks." "You see, the open secret is that We made AIG bail out the Banks to hide the Ponzi scheme that all big banks are involved in with 'Liars Loans'"

"They all make Liars Loans, where no credit check happens, no employment check, nothing". "SO, all these Liars Loans are what brought down the finances of the world."

Well, why don't we fire all the Bank CEOS? I said. "Very simple, because we can't replace them with honest people because they will find out all the truth about the banking Ponzi Scheme, and they would TALK to the public! We can't have that because the government would look bad."

Wow, I did not know that, Mop. I think I need to ponder what you have said, and maybe talk some more with you about this later.




February 5, 2009 

I was talking to our editor, the old mop and bucket, about what Republicans are doing to screw up our country. "The Republicans have made no secret that their stated goal is to get rid of Social Security, Medicare and Medicaid and the taxes that fun those programs and more by simply NOT funding them. As unfunded mandates, the Republicans can make social programs magically dissapear by claiming that we can no longer afford those important programs." said the mop and bucket. I suggested that we have been hearing that doom and gloom about the Republicans for years, and that since we have powerful right thinking progressives in office, that such an apocalypse won't happen any time soon. 

"My personal opinion and protected free speech thought is that the Republican Senate Minority leader Mitch McConnel is a closeted homosexual who hurts the lives of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered people by his silence about his own sexual orientation." said the mop and bucket. Well, I said, you have some very salient ideas for an inanimate object. Why is your "gaydar" so in tune? Why for heavens sakes do YOU have this kind of insight? "I used to be the mop and bucket at a really trashy alternative coffee shop. I cleaned up after many closeted people there and after a while I got a sense of the smell of closeted people." 

That is very interesting, I told my old friend mop and bucket. Why are you not there anymore? "Well, I was witness to illegal smoking both by adults and minors in this business. It is illegal to smoke in public places where I used to clean up. Also, they were smoking in a basement dressing room that was a firetrap for the performers that prepared themselves. There was only one exit, and the Smoking Police and the Fire Marshal were kind enough to come back and check these infractions over and over again. Also, strangely enough, the Health Department was involved in checking the food prep areas and restrooms and cleaning product issues. This place had issues. Not the least of which was the individual that rented this locatation. Was he gay, was he bi, was he transgendered. Who knows. TO each his OWN. He got what was coming to him eventually. Karma took care of that person and that trashy business." said the mop and bucket. 

Wow, you are one interesting janitorial professional! I am not sorry I missed out on seeing that place. It sounds like a place I would not have wanted to visit. It must have been horrible for you? "Well, yes. My mop often was not cleaned and the water not changed for weeks at a time. There were even "goth" people having sex in the room I lived in. All that black hair dye and makeup scared and scarred me for life. The music was so loud that I nearly lost my hearing. And the egos of the young people that were on drugs and skipping out on their parents by being there was creepy." Said the mop and bucket. 

Goodness, I didn't realise that you had such a negative upbringing. Well, lets change your water and wring out your mop and have a Clean Start for The Family Paper