Relationship Management

Teacher Version

Relationship Management

Student Version

Relationship Management - student version

Relationship Management and Wellbeing at St Joseph’s School

We are here to be the hands and voice of Jesus in the world.  Our prime response to learning and behaviour needs has to be LOVE and care, because that’s what Jesus would have done.  Love in the Gospel of John is not a wishy washy sentimental feeling, it is a powerful supernatural force for change and the gateway to God’s Kingdom.

We must “cross the bridge” to sit alongside the child and see things from their perspective.

When a child has challenging behaviour or learning difficulties it is tempting to ask ourselves how hard they are trying, or if they are doing it on purpose to annoy, get attention etc.  A rule of thumb is to treat every child “as if” they were trying their very best.  That may not be the case, but if we confidently and openly express our belief that they are, they soon will be.  Remember: behaviour is communication - what is the child trying to communicate?

Although there may be times when we need to exclude for the purposes of safety or to provide a “red flag” to our system, our school is a place of inclusion and all staff are expected to support inclusive practices.


Managing Higher Level Behaviour

See our relationship management chart for school behaviour/relationship management.

In order to ensure positive relationship management we set up positive systems and expectations through:

Explicit modelling and description of Catholic values,  

Explicit modelling and description of our school values,

Mindfulness practice - being present and aware of what is around us,

Class treaties,

Reward systems in line with our school values,

Frequent Circle Time,

Positive tracking - looking for the good,

Teachers keep the small things tight,

Teachers are prompt, vigilant and pre-emptive on duty, particularly over wet lunchtimes.

Many children are stressed and over-stimulated.  The adults in the school environment must recognise that we have a responsibility to create a calm and respectful atmosphere where children will not be pushed into flight or fight responses and if they are, we need to look at our own actions to see what we could do to prevent this.  We also acknowledge that some children will have other factors which will cause them and will become stressed despite our best efforts.

Our relationship management system describes our responses when children miss the mark.  

We have a green system which is for “chill time.”  It is not for bad behaviour but to de-escalate the stress/tension that may lead to bad behaviour.  A red card is for when there has been violence or direct disrespect to the teacher (which puts everyone at risk through undermining the teacher’s authority and responsibility).

Restorative Justice

The main part of our relationship management system is restorative.

We use the “restorative chat” to restore balance and no matter what level of the relationship management system is reached, there is always a restorative response, alongside a consequence when required.

Behaviour Needs

When a child is not able to respond effectively to our system, we seek further information and set individual plans in place.

High Level Behaviour Flowchart

At every step, the child’s voice must be part of the input

Child is displaying frequent orange/red behaviour

All behaviour at this level is recorded individually on our behaviour tracking system (private to staff):

Follow the procedures for orange/red behaviour and ensure all steps have been followed

                                         ↓                                                                              ↓

Behaviour improves

Behaviour does not improve

Continue to monitor and praise all good efforts

Learning & behaviour Support Team meeting with family/whanau (LS team = principal, SENCO, DP)


Write an individual Education Plan with specific, measurable goals for improvement agreed by school and whanau

All plans put in place shared through the school systems: - behaviour tracking sheet, children’s individual SENCO folders, referral goals system, staff debriefings and playground notebook.


No, or small, improvement

Continue with plan until behaviour reaches an acceptable level

Seek external help:

RTLB (Resource Teacher of Learning and Behaviour), or

Learning Support

Parents may seek a GP, pediatric or mental health referral

Further plans, shared through school systems (as above)

Whanau Support

Addressing challenging behaviours is challenging for all parties.  We are explicit about avoiding blaming and looking instead for common goals.  We can make better progress if the school and parents work as a team and we need to work hard to maintain communication and compassion.  


Plans for Sustainability of Behaviour Management - Term 2, 2017

Aim: to manage higher level behaviours without immediate principal-level intervention

All behaviour involving violence or bullying will have a principal component in the resolution.  If this is not immediately possible, it will be followed up at the first possible instance.  The acting principal (usually Nicola) can also follow these up.  It involves full restorative with all parties, follow up of any consequences and communication with all families.  High level should be consulted if LFR off site.





If no-one around to support red card

Ask child to engage with chill plan or change behaviour  then walk away, and ignore for a while to give them time to settle and comply.   In the first instance the alternative could be losing playtime in the next break.  This is less immediately confronting.  Don’t ask them to do anything else for a while.

Quiet word before leaving for break.

Second warning and take one minute off break time.

Teacher should have a restorative conversation with child at break.

FIRMLY describe what child is doing tell them they have had two warnings  and tell them to go to red card zone.  Teacher should have restorative conversation with child in next break time.

Principal will also follow up.

If child does not leave, or is abusive or continues to make a fuss outside the room to the degree of annoying others, send for help with red card.


Move other children away.

Follow up when child is calmed.  Inform principal for further follow up.

If attacking people or damaging property

FIRMLY order to leave room.

Get help.

Remove children.  Follow up when child is calmed.

Possibly call parent if no-one else around.

Timeout for students in other classrooms:-

Year 7-8 will go to Nicola

Year 5&6 - amongst each other

Year 3&4 amongst each other

Junior classrooms- timeout space within classrooms.

Leave individual behaviour plans for relievers.