Vietnam Vet but I was Violent!
“It Came & Went”

Looking back, I never really had a personal relationship with God. I thought I did (just like everyone else thinks they do) because I attended church regularly and prayed. But the actions and words were just being done mechanically. Then when my husband and I started dating, even this went by the wayside. It was the beginning of the end.

Our relationship was rocky right from the start and only got worse as time went on. I know now that I had some emotional issues that hadn't been dealt with and he had some trust issues and other feelings left from being in the Vietnam War. He also drank a lot. Things only got worse— to the point where I started becoming violent, throwing things, and pushing and hitting him.

Despite knowing and experiencing all of this, we married anyway. There were no issues of infidelity on either part, just a huge lack of respect and unconditional love. There was always tension between us and we fought about stupid things all the time.

The violence on my part continued. I even called the cops twice and threatened him with a gun. He tried in his own way to help me by taking me to doctors to try to get some help, and they ended up giving me a lot of medication. It didn't do any good!

After a major blowout one day, my husband had had enough and left. We were both angry and told everyone we were getting divorced. We even went to a divorce mediator. After about a month I felt really horrible and tried to talk to my husband. He was cold and simply uncaring. However, three months later I managed to persuade him to come back home. I still hadn't formed a relationship with the Lord at this point, but He was right there with me, giving me another chance. Things were okay for a while, but without Him in my life, of course things went back to the way they were very quickly.

My husband left again about 6 months later. And once again, we told everyone that it was over. We even put our house up for sale. Then it happened. One morning I got up early and went to an exercise club for women near my house. My husband had begged me to join some type of exercise program for months, but I wouldn't. It was at this exercise place that I met a wonderful woman who I know God sent to me. She stuck up a conversation with me and I found myself telling her my situation. She gave me a book to read, and as you might have guessed, it was your book.

Slowly but surely things began to come together once I was given the truth. I finally realized how badly I had treated my husband and how it was because I had been living without God in my life. This woman became a good friend, as she helped me get through some tough days by pointing me back to God, to His Word and to your book.

I decided to look online for Restore Ministries website. After stumbling through other books and websites claiming to know the secret of restoring marriages I found you. It was so clear that they weren't the real deal promising all sorts of things based on things that were not backed up by His Word.

The entire Restore Ministries website was nothing but encouraging! It talked mostly about the Lord, about His Word, and quoted verses upon verses from the Bible. I ordered all of Erin's books and poured over them night after night after night. And then, I finally got it!

I realized I lost sight of God and all His goodness. I had become a contentious woman.

I cried and cried when I realized what had happened. I asked for God's forgiveness and repented. I forgave myself, my husband, and others from things I’d done or what had been done to me in the past.

Immediately, I began to feel better even though my situation looked very bleak. Little by little I saw the changes that He was doing in me. Immediately I began to lose the 30 pounds I had gained since I got married. My prayer life meant so much to me now, more than anything else in my life. I began to learn how to talk to God and to understand His Word!

My husband however was adamant about the divorce. He even said he was moving to another state. He said he had no feelings for me any more. We got a court date for the divorce, and with the help and encouragement of my ePartner (Yes, the woman who first gave me my book was hanging out there for women like me) I was able to make it through.

My ePartner reminded me not to look at what circumstances that were surrounding me, but instead to focus on what mattered. So I worked feverishly on my relationship with the Lord above all else. God worked so quickly in me as I continued to put my trust in Him. I realized that the Lord was my Husband and that my relationship with Him was the most important of all. I spent hours all night praying and communing with the Lord.

Then I watched in amazement how God began to soften my husband's heart. And He also had arranged things so that we were okay financially during this time.

Once I began to tithe from both our incomes, even though my husband never knew, never asked, and only said to make sure I paid all the bills, which I did. My first commitment was to the Lord because I knew how else would the enemy be rebuked? Soon after I got brave enough to tithe on my husband’s paycheck, my husband got a new full time job after working sporadically for years!

Once he got a job he felt better, he would call and we began to speak on the telephone a little. Once in a while I would run into him somewhere around town. Things were awkward at first, but we began to have good conversations always initiated by him.

Everyday I practiced the principles in Erin's books, which taught me how to keep things in perspective, and, boy they really worked! As long as I kept my eyes on the Lord, my heart turned towards Him, was faithful in my tithing and obedient to what I knew God wanted me to do, my husband and I began seeing each other a little more.  Each time he would see me or talk to me, my husband said he was noticing so many changes in me.

God guided me all the way—He is so good! My husband and I really started to like each other again, and believe it or not, the court date came and went!!

Before all this happened in my life, I never even owned a Bible! So I bought the one geared for children and could not believe what it contained. Everything I needed to know was right there in black and white. The passages from Scripture in Erin's books smacked me right in the face each time I would read through it. Boy, I needed that! For years I hit my husband, now God was hitting me with His Word, but it felt so good. I now know the order of things in marriage, in family, and most importantly what order the Lord and God needs to be in a person’s life. I realize for the first time, as a wife, that I should be in submission to my husband as unto the Lord (meaning I am doing it because of my love for Him). I also learned that I need to be tolerant and patient not only with my husband — but with everyone!!

I learned that my purpose here on earth is to love everyone by how my ePartner loved me, even before she knew me. She wasn’t exercising to get her body fit, but was there looking for others to help, women like me (and so many other women who are now part of our fellowship that meets at her house).

Before this I had always worried about everything, focusing only on me. Now since I began looking and finding other women to help, I no longer worry about anything! It was when I began giving my troubles up to God for the first time in my life that I had a peaceful feeling inside! No more medication and no more focusing on me!

After being separated for four months, my husband came back home!!! I give thanks and praise to God! Our relationship is better than it has ever been all because my relationship stays strong and focused on my true Husband, the Lord. My husband has not found Christ yet, but he knows that I have Him and has seen all the positive things that have come out of it.

My husband continues to have me tithe from his paycheck, which has kept our finances good and at an all-time high. He also encourages me to read my Bible while he reads his. He's spoken about taking me to church, but I am still waiting. I am trusting God to bring Him through a similar experience like He took me through. And in the meantime, I have my Husband with me and I know I am His bride now, not just the special one He'll come back for.

I know life is full of ups and downs, but I know that I will get through them with God right by my side. I will never, ever lose sight of Him again!!

For all you women praying and believing God for restoration, remember, "With God all things are possible." Once He becomes your “everything” then everything will be given to you. 

~ Ginger in Rhode Island

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