I have been married for 13 years. My life was shaken when my husband asked me what I would do without him. I knew of no known illness he had that would permeate this question. I knew we had disagreements about parenting my stepsons: I was a disciplinarian but my husband had his own method. To me his method allowed the boys to divide us against each other. I saw the problem, but my husband did not want to come in prayer with this situation. 

The situation got out of hand. The boys’ lives became a burden to us. They were rebellious, disobedient and disrespectful to anyone that tried to bring order in their lives.  I went to God in prayer and asked Him for guidance. We distanced ourselves while still living in the same house. 

My husband slept down the hall and I slept in our room. This was a very difficult period.  My husband was stubborn, but God was still working. I was even more stubborn, but God was still working on me even more. My husband lost a lot of weight over stressing about his future. Thankfully I continued to stay where God wanted me to stay, because I have been through some valleys and I knew that God was my only strength and my salvation, and I was not going to allow fear to enter my heart to what looked like the inevitable. 

Then my husband began reading the Word and praying more, praying with me! I began asking God to help me to continue to pray alone, by myself, and not to only pray when we prayed together. Then without me saying anything, my husband began to pray for the boys (17 & 18) to be accountable for their actions and come to know God personally.  Because they are choosing the things of the world and my husband continues to try to save them, I have been quiet and respectful, and instead my prayers are simply that he would release them totally in the hands of God and believe that God is sovereign, knowing He can do whatever He wants to do. But this is my husband's issue and not mine.

Even though I didn't know my husband’s heart because he was consumed with the boys, I did believe he loved me and I wanted his complete love and not share it with anyone. I believed that he would realize that he cannot live his life for his kids, but to realize the order that God set up for man is to put me first. I prayed that one day my husband would realize how much I love him and that I would be first. 

Then I realized that I had missed the most important relationship of all and that is why I longed for what was second-rate. He is Who we need and where our focus needs to be!

The more I came to know and want Him, the more He taught me to put my trust in Him, not to lean to my own understanding. To acknowledge Him and He will direct my path, to not fret, to commit my ways unto Him, to delight in Him, to rest in Him and to wait on Him. To make HIM first, and to stop being jealous of my husband's relationship and concern for our boys, when I had continually been unfaithful to my Husband!

He then began to help me to forgive and to release all my cares to Him. Then I was able to bear anything and everything when the water got rough. I knew that He and His Word was comfort to my soul. He gave me a peace that surpasses all understanding and my view of my world changed completely.

The principles God taught me were: staying with the Lord and putting Him first, praying, seeking Him and no one else, letting the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart to be acceptable to Him, helping others in spite of my situation and presenting my body as a living sacrifice to Him because He deserved all of me.

As much as I prayed, I struggled with keeping my eyes on the Lord. Sometimes, the weight of the burden seemed to hard to bear. I did not want to be in this situation at this time in my life. I had been through so much, but He was always there to help me by reminding me that He was my comfort and strength and that He loved me in spite of others. He cradled me with His love and I became His bride.

Then one day the Lord said something I wasn't sure was Him. He said to go and talk to your husband, ask him what he wanted to do. Did he want out of this marriage? I thought it may be the enemy, but I felt it was His voice I was hearing. So after work that day I stopped and bought a nice meal and set the table. We sat down to eat and I began the conversation, inside asking the Lord to stop me if it was a trap. I asked him, “Do you want to stay in this marriage?” And he said yes, and thanked me for giving him the choice to leave if he wanted to because he'd felt trapped. So I then told him that full forgiveness had taken place at that moment, and he said we had to confess our sins and ask God to forgive both of us and to forgive one another. We did just that, then agreed in the name of Jesus, and from that moment on He took hold of our marriage.

He restored our marriage completely! And I give Him ALL the praise. Together we are continuing to seek Him and ask Him for His guidance and to continue to help us with the boys. Satan continues to have a foothold on them but we know God’s light illuminates our hearts and He is keeping us praying, and that's what the boys need, a marriage united with Him being first! Sometimes I feel like I would like a little more closeness with my husband, but I know God is working that out too. For now I need to give him his space to find His closeness with the Lord, so he has the love to give me.

Thank you RMI for changing our lives!!

~ Magenta in California


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