I have been a Christian for 10 years and at the beginning of my faith journey, I was passionate and on fire. My parents (who are Muslim) found out about my new faith and asked me to leave the home. Looking back now, I can see that's where a foothold had been given to the devourer. I became angry and conceited, and wore several masks to avoid feeling rejected or hurt again.

Soon after I married my husband, who was used to my angry and verbally aggressive outbursts. During our 7-year marriage, he left the marital home twice and in October he left for what he says 'the last time'. During the 7 years I barely spoke to my parents and would often reject them. I felt further rejected by them when I told them I was getting married to a Christian man and they told me I was never welcome at home again. I lost trust in my parents, in fact all parents, even my husband’s. I could often be heard saying “you can’t trust parents”, “their love is conditional”, etc. I also lost all respect for parents and convinced myself that they didn't deserve love or understanding.

When my husband left me, I finally found the courage to go round to my parents' house. They were so happy to see me. I felt the Lord tell me that their love has always been there, and that I had held onto my hurt and had been rejecting them for the last few years.

When my wedding anniversary and New Year's Day came, I stayed round their house for a long weekend and when I left my father said to me “there is always a bed here for you”. This touched my heart more than anything else as I finally felt that I had my parents back. I realized that I have been the prodigal daughter here, and my parents love for me is an expression of my Heavenly Father’s love for me. I also noted my parents' response to me coming home (no expectations, just love) and know that's what God has called me to be like when my earthly husband    comes home.

I thank God that He is a God of restoration. He has restored my relationship with my parents which I thought would never happen. I thought I would always be an 'orphan' and during the darkest days of my life in the last 3 months, God saw fit to turn the children's heart back towards the parents, and the parents heart towards their child. I feel blessed by His goodness to me and the fire in my heart is once again also being reignited for the Lord and His Word.

Healed from the Fear of Silence

My husband left the marriage in October 2013, and I know you will all understand when I say how difficult the journey is on the narrow road that we have chosen. We have no children so I found myself left in the house. Though I work in Christian Ministry and have a big family, the loneliness that pervades one's inner soul when the one you love leaves- is potentially paralysing. The worst days were Sundays as that's the day you would see couples together in town or taking walks. 

From the onset after he left- I spent as much time as I could with other people. And if I wasn't with other people then I would be on the phone calling others so I wouldn't have to sit with myself. Slowly God started to work in my heart.... I saw the 'hate wall' come down between my husband and I, and then go back up again. That was mid-January and the communication lines hadn't reopened. So I have had to learn to live with silence a lot over the last four months, and this has been so uncomfortable. Coming from a family of 7 children and both my parents- quietness isn't something we were used to. Even when I prayed to the Lord I would fill the silence with words rather than be able to sit back and listen to Him speak to me. 

This all came to a head on Wednesday when I realised that the silence I was in was deafening. I hadn't heard from my EH, I lived alone and no-one understood. As I spoke to a friend they asked me about silence and I explained that silence was a common weapon used between my parents when we were younger particularly when they had conflict. As the more extrovert child I would try and break through my parents silence through humour as it was so uncomfortable and I never knew what would happen to my parents if they continued not talking to each other. My friend and I prayed and God invaded. He showed me the root of my fear of silence, and the ways the enemy has used that in my marriage as my EH is a 'silent type'. I realised that though we weren't living together at present, his silence had bought the same feelings of fear and powerlessness. God delivered me!!! It was instantaneous and immediately I felt a peace come over me. Since then I have been able to sit more with myself, listen to the Lord and hear Him speak to me. I have felt less afraid and more close to the Lord as my Heavenly Husband.

This season of my life is bringing to the surface all the debris the Lord wants to deal with, and I am so blessed and grateful that He would do that, bring me here to learn more about Him and to heal. I now feel like a woman, rather than a little girl. Though this season was painful, I know that the birth pains are signs that God is changing me into the woman He wants me to be—a woman of dignity, with a boldness for the Lord. So stay strong ladies, as God wants this season with you on your own... to be the woman and wife my HH has always desired me to be. Dear friend, He is working on your behalf in your situation, trust Him alone to do that and allow Him to spend this time perfecting and loving you.

Atarah in the United Kingdom


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