I Felt Dirty for What I Had Done

What brought you to RMI? Please use this space to briefly let our readers know what your life was like when you first found us, Paula, so our readers understand just what a miracle your restoration is.

Paula, how did your restoration actually begin?

It began the day soon after I found out I was expecting our 2nd son, and I noticed that my husband started behaving differently. I always had his passwords of everything, mostly because we worked together in my father-in-law's company and used social networks for business. But then, after I had our second child, I left my father-in-law's company and started working at home.

One day, I saw that he had added an old friend who worked where he worked when he was just 18 and then I noticed a few days later that he'd changed all his passwords. Well, I became suspicious, jealous, so I started to search his cell phone. That's when my world collapsed, I found what I did not want to believe. I saw he had an OW. I sent a message and cursed the OW, but that only made things much worse.

I sought advice from single friends, who all encouraged me to separate, give myself some time alone, be apart, those things that filled me with what I wanted to hear. Foolishly it was what I did— I sent him away. Told him to leave. Oh, there was so much heartache, and despite his being talking to OW and cursing her, my husband did not abandon me. Even though I was planning to have my son alone, when our son born, my husband was there during the entire labor and childbirth with me and took care of us in the first days after we got home even though I'd kicked him out.

Of course, I regretted what I had done and I began to beg for his love, and that change only served to suffocate him. I begged his forgiveness, ask him to come back over and over again. When he didn't agree, I flipped again and forbade him to see the children. I did so many horrible things that I am ashamed to speak of today (I'm sorry they're just too horrible). I took more advice and said that I did not I loved him anymore, and that when he came he would need supervised visitation. Either I or a mediator would need to be present if he wanted to see his children. Well, that caused me many sleepless nights, extreme weight loss, and worse, I became a bitter, ugly woman. Then I told him I just wanted both of us "to be happy" what a huge mistake.

How did God change your situation Paula as you sought Him wholeheartedly?

On one of those sleepless nights, I began to search the internet for marriage stories, testimonies, etc ... and by Divine Appointment I found RMI. The moment I read the first page on HopeAtLast.com it was as if scales fell from my eyes!!! That night I returned to the ways of the Lord with an interest in Him again. I finally had hope, hope that one day I and my family would be restored. I first discovered having a Father who was full of love and infinite mercy, who gradually restored my broken heart, bringing me to a place of understanding. A Father who began showing me what was wrong in my life and leading me along a path of peace.He spoke to me about entering a 30-day fast, to know what the will of God was, and to discover His will, not mine.

Dear brides, in just 10 days, during a service, a sister I did not know came to me and through HIs leading and revealed to me that God saw my tears and that He was taking care of me and my children and told me that I should not give up on my dreams. I was in shock, I had NEVER seen that woman! Well, I finished the 30-days but nothing really changed. I'd been waiting all year, waiting in the Lord, then I became very ill, and while on the internet I had a relapse, going back to my old ways. I'd let go of Facebook but went on when an ex-boyfriend contacted me. We got together and afterward, I felt dirty for what I had done. The Lord had promised me, my family, He took care of me, gave me a great job, what I was doing? This is what I thought after I fell...But God is merciful and does not fail us when we fail Him. He forgave me, picked me up, and introduced me to His Son who needed to be my Heavenly Husband.

What principles, from God's Word (or through our resources), Paula, did the Lord teach you during this trial?

The reading of the Word of God must be our main a food, only in God will we find refuge. And if you fill yourself will junk spiritual food, you will be sick. You must feed from the pure water of His Word and help yourself overcome by remaining encouraged through testimonies.

Leaving the church is extremely important, it makes ALL the differences, but during LEAVING, it is necessary to find and embrace your HH.

NEVER speak evil about your husband to anyone, leave the part of his closet empty, and speak blessings on your home and your family by smiling at the future. Not what you see, but what you are hoping for against all hope.

What were the most difficult times that God helped you through Paula?

Though I first found the Father I never had, it was having an HH that sustained me when my husband simply disappeared for six months, without telling anyone. Later we found out he had only communicated with his mother, and asked about the children through her. But she also did not hear from him many months. Had I believed my earthly husband to be who I longed for, I know my life would have been unbearable. Instead, though, I had an HH and a Father for my children. I was well loved, entirely cared for in every way. I glowed and my children thrived.

Paula, what was the “turning point” of your restoration?  

One day my brother-in-law came over to talk to me, saying that my husband wanted to get closer to me, but that he did not know how, because he was living with this OW. He said he wanted to come home, but knew I had LET him GO. He I told my brother-in-law that he loved me, and I missed our family and had heard from everyone that I had become a virtuous woman.

Tell us HOW it happened Paula? Did your husband just walk in the front door? Paula, did you suspect or could you tell you were close to being restored?

The month after my brother-in-law came over to talk to me, my husband came to visit the children and at the end of the day before leaving, he said he wanted to talk to me. He said that he had NEVER stopped loving me and that if I allowed him, he would come back and be forever faithful. We kissed again after almost 3 years. I could not believe what was happening and only managed to smile, my heart was beating so fast. I could tell his was beating too, and that day, maybe for the first time, we fell in love. That was eight months ago and each day we feel the same thing when we kiss.

We've structured our lives entirely. He is at the center, each of our first Love. Once home, he began to renovate our apartment, and the biggest change is that wants to stay home and be with me and the kids all the time. This time together resulted in a restoration baby, a girl, who is due in just two months.

Yes, I know the enemy continues to come against us, but the Lord, my HH is with me. And I will never leave Him again, for, without His presence, I would surely die ... there is no life in me without the Lord as my HH.

Would you recommend any of our resource in particular that helped you Paula?

I recommend to ALL the people I meet, anyone who goes through anything this, to read my testimony. I already sent it to several friends. One friend of mine used the resources of the RMI I bought her, and I just heard that she also had her marriage restored! This is my ministry, to continue to accompany you, Erin, and in order to thank you for helping us in a moment where the world told us to give up. My ministry is to reach out, share my testimony, boast about the weaknesses He used to bring me to find Him as my HH and to share and purchase resources as my offering (my tithe goes here).

If you want what I have, you just need to believe in your Divine Appointment and promise Him, as I did, that if He will restore you that you will help others in a marriage crisis, forever, glorifying God for the rest your life with the testimony He wants to give you.

Maybe that's why restoration doesn't always stick, because once He's given, so few give back to Him by sharing what He did for them.

Would you be interested in helping encourage other women Paula?

Yes, always and forever!

Either way Paula, what kind of encouragement would you like to leave women with, in conclusion?

If every woman knew what God has for her marriages and her family, if everyone tried to see the heart of God, divorces would not exist, so many traumas in life would be avoided. So my sister, my brother, just believe, be willing to speak His truth and give Hope to others. If you do, GOD WILL RESTORE YOUR FAMILY, in the name of Jesus ... He is with you right now... talk to Him, tell Him this is what you want.

“If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it shall be done for you” (John 15:7). Just as Erin says, when your heart rests in Him alone and your will is centered in His will, you are truly making Him Lord. To know His will is to know His Word. It is His will that your marriage be healed. He hates divorce, and we are to be reconciled; however, He has conditions. Make Him first. Find your HH.

These testimonies will be available in 

PAPERBACK (Coming December 2018)


By the Word of Their Testimony (Book 6): Proclaim the Good News to Everyone.

CLICK HERE to Pre-order your own copy to mark and read how others, like you, made it through their 

Restoration Journey and experienced a RESTORED MARRIAGE.