Acts of Kindness

One day I realized that my husband and I were getting more and more distant, fighting a lot and getting days and days without talking to each other, I started to think about what would be wrong with us. In some moments I thought that due to the fact of being married for almost 20 years, it would be natural such circumstances. But I got quite bothered every time I sought him for reconciliation and he didn’t show any interest in this. At that time I hardly knew that my contentiousness had undermined my marriage and led a completely-in-love husband for me not only to never want to see me anymore in his life, but also to seek in other women that I refused to let happen.

When my husband finally opened up about not loving me anymore, and not caring about his ministry in our church, my world fell down, because, although I was contentious and emotionally immature, I ALWAYS loved my husband very much. So, I started to read books about the power of prayer and put in practice the teachings I was learning about seeking the Lord with all my heart. I also began to devour books of Christian writers about marriage, and thank God everything I read was of great help for me to see who I really was.

My husband was using the excuse of working in another state to stay at his parents’ house. He used to be home once a month, or less. In this meantime, I sought God in prayer and fasting and convinced my husband to talk to a pastor we knew as a man of God. He agreed, but it was only for the sake of conscience, so to not say that he had given up without trying. Each one of us went to talk to the Pastor alone. And that, my conversation with this pastor, was a turning point for me, because it was the first time I became aware of the prejudiced and contentious person I was, and of the great need of changing in order to allow God to restore my marriage.

From there, I intensified the fasts so that I lost weight, about thirty kilo (66lbs.). My husband noticed my change, as he told me later, but he was still decided to leave home. I clearly realized the power of the enemy as a tie holding him, and I did not know what to do to make the situation progressed.

It was in this context that I found on the internet site of the RMI and the book How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage”. I absolutely devoured the book. The feeling I have today is that Erin knows me and she wrote the book, the encouragements and RRR online courses especially for me—especially the chapters CONTENTIOUS WOMAN, WON WITHOUT WORDS and GENTLE AND QUIET SPIRIT. Soon my husband started to notice my transformation, and as God also bothered him and gave him revelations in dreams, I eagerly rushed him and charged him for a decision but recognize that my biggest fight and my greatest learning is to let God be God.

Reading the book How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage”, the courses (I’m doing course 4), Reading Psalms and Proverbs, reading the Daily Encouragements and the Praise Reports have been essential pieces for my restoration. I’ve begun all of this only focusing the return of my earthly husband, but I just learned that I already have the BEST of all husbands, Who, to call my attention and making me His bride, allowed all  this to happen to me.

Some time ago, my Heavenly Husband took me and my husband to spend school holidays with each other and to visit our relatives in the other state where he was living. Due to work issues, he had rented a house in the neighborhood of some house he was building. As soon as I entered the house he was living, I felt horrible. I sensed another woman presence there. Later I found out everything in the laptop he had there. It was so, so hard and humiliating. But today I understand that God allowed all of this to happen for my husband to confess to me everything and observe my behavior in this meantime. My reaction from this moment on, motivated and impressed him. Afterwards he told me that he had lied to the OW and sent her to her parents’ under the excuse of her visiting them. He did this to stay with us in the house.

Despite of having this conversation with me, I soon found out he continued cheating on me. Again he went to work out of our state. Again we went there on vacation. There he had made plans to take us to live there with him. It was already all set: job for both of us, school for our kids. But, as soon as I came back home I saw on Facebook that he had taken the OW again to live with him. When it seemed that all was lost, he was fired.

In this meantime, I confronted him sometimes when I knew the OW was there. Now I see it was a mistake. When one day, God shook me, I stopped to talking to my husband about our relationship and turned my attention to the Lord, decided to do everything He told me to, even if it was to allow the break up with my husband.

From there, all working doors closed for my husband and he had to return home, kind of forced, because only here he got some work to do. It happened almost a year ago, but, because things did not go as I dreamed, with a romantic apology from my husband, him putting back his wedding ring, I did not recognize that God had restored my marriage.

Many times I came to this website to send you my testimony, but as soon as I started to tell the story, I only could focus on my husband’s sin, on how I was suffering with all he was putting me through. Then I deleted the text and gave up continuing. Then, I suffered for days just to remind me of the situation. It is a totally different feeling today. Not that I feel good to remember that part of my life, but today I just can see how my Lord has changed me and how much I still need to improve so that He uses me as He wishes in the reconstruction of my home.

My husband hasn’t put back his wedding ring yet, and we didn’t have that final conversation as I dreamed of, but in a special program for couples in a church he went to sing, there was a lecture about forgiveness, and a moment for husbands to ask their wives for forgiveness. Since I watched almost all the program alone, I didn’t dare expect that he would come to me. But, surprisingly, he came upto me, hugged me, kissed me and asked for forgiveness on the microphone. There was no talk, or other words. But I know how much it cost him. Above all, I know he was sincere.

Since he is home, gradually he is approaching me. When I learned that I should not seduce or chase him and let him go away, he’s the one who has sought intimacy with me and has come after me. When he returned home he didn’t tell anything, simply went out, disappeared all day long, but it has changed. Also, I notice small acts of kindness like buying me feminine products and the brand I like, sleeping embraced to me when before he used to sleep as far from me as he could with his arms crossed, and going out together with our kids. Although these may seem small things, however they are actually great walls that the Lord comes knocking.. I know  that in the due time he will say he loves me and will again use his wedding ring. The Lord promised and He is not a Man to lie.

My husband never got to leave our home definitely. So, nobody besides that Pastor, even our kids, knows what was happening to us. I praise my Loved Heavenly Husband for giving me wisdom and strength to keep this secret. I confess that in the beginning I did this for shame. I understand now that was the reason I went through so much was to learn that all that matters is to be with my real Husband, my Beloved, my Heavenly Husband. He's all I want, all I need and all for what I live.

Reading and re-reading the book How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage” the Daily Encouragements and Devotionals have been essential to my journey. In addition, the courses have also played a very important part in my transformation. Thanks to the love of my Beloved, I am not the same person anymore. So I will always be willing to answer the call of my Lord, my Beloved and help other women who are also going through this journey.

My dearest ones, we have a real and true God. He never fails, but do not forget that, just like Abraham had to wait 25 years to see God's promise fulfilled in his life it was because he needed to be transformed, needed to have faith enough—so it is with us. Do not fight with Him. Surrender and let Him do what it takes to take you to Him. Seek Him with all your heart and stop chasing your earthly husband. You’re not able to take care of him. Only God can. You’re not able to change either yourself or your husband. So, give your life in the hands of this wonderful God, love and know the BEST Husband a woman can have. He will take care of you, your earthly husband and your children.

~ Isabel in Brazil

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