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RYM: Wk3 Chapter 14 "First to Throw a Stone"

Course 1: RYM LINKS

Day 18, Week 3: RYM Chapter 14

"First to Throw a Stone"

 

but first Restored Marriage Testimonies

taken from

 

California Restoration!

I was having problems in my marriage. My husband packed all his clothes and told our two children and me that he was leaving. I contacted the Lord and the saints at Restore Ministries, and they began to send up prayers when I could not do it.

At times, with tears in my eyes, I would get on my knees and cry out to God to heal me and my marriage; I asked Him to make me the wife in Proverbs 31 (she who builds her home). I asked Him to help me right the wrongs I had done to my husband, not forgiving him and not being honest with him.

Ladies, we have to be honest because it will catch up with us. It caused serious problems—lying about money, doing what I wanted, not pleasing my husband and not being submissive! But, when I realized that he was serious about leaving after eighteen years of marriage, the Lord opened my eyes. Thank You Jesus!

He allowed me to see where I had gone wrong. Don’t get me wrong—my husband was not perfect, either, but I was far from perfect! I thought I was PERFECT, and he could not tell me otherwise! But God let me see my faults before going to divorce court and before my husband left! I asked God to forgive me of my faults, to give me a forgiving heart and heal my soul.

Then God started working on my husband and our marriage. Hallelujah! My husband never left! He put his clothes back and we are sleeping together, holding each other and talking! Yes, I’m still praising the Lord and shall never stop praising Him.

I know it was no one else but the Lord who gave me my miracle! Now, I treat my husband as God would have me. My husband is lord of our home (Sarah called Abraham lord), and he feels as if he is loved and respected. He left the Lord when this started and has not yet come back, but he WILL!!! Praise God!

But our home is finally “home” again, and Restore Ministries helped me see that it’s not what I think or what the world thinks, BUT WHAT GOD WANTS ME TO THINK AND DO! Don’t listen to people’s opinions; go to God! Do what the Lord says and it will work!

Praise God! Thank You Jesus, and thank you Restore Ministries for the guidance to get myself in tune with God’s will!! God can and will restore if we let Him! IF WE LET JESUS DO IT, HE WILL DO IT!! PRAISE GOD!! PRAISE GOD!!


Restored in Illinois!

One of my continual prayers during the time my husband was away from home was that this crisis would somehow be a positive, faith-building experience for my three daughters. Even though circumstances didn't leave much hope for reconciliation, I chose to fix my eyes on Jesus and ignore (as best I could) the raging storm.

And, like Peter, when I would take my eyes off Jesus and look at the waves, I would begin to sink. Praise God for His unchanging Word and Erin for her conviction to share God's message! Although our "itching ears" would like to hear something different, His Word remains true!

Major discussions began in January. My husband of thirteen and a half years moved out in early March, signed a year lease, and filed immediately for divorce. Through much anger, tears, and contentiousness, God was speaking to me from the start. I was heading in the right direction before I received Erin's materials, but they definitely challenged me to go "whole hog" and do things God's way.

It is true that God's people "perish for lack of understanding." There were many, many praises along the way! God was moving in incredible ways to change BOTH of our hearts. There was a major spiritual breakthrough for my husband in early July and reconciliation in late August. We celebrated with a weekend away at an "I Still Do Conference"; he moved home and we celebrated our fourteenth anniversary in September as a united family!

God has done more than I could ask or imagine, even making my husband the spiritual leader in our home. He is committed, faithful, loving, not perfect, but wanting to please God in all that he does. Amazing!

But, here's how God has used the whole experience with one of my daughters:

My twelve-year-old shared with me that her main goal in life is to bring others to know Jesus (hallelujah, especially since my husband and I only came to know Christ about four years ago). We recently made the decision to homeschool her, primarily to make up for lost time. We are focusing on character issues, biblical instruction, and how to study God's Word.

We have seen fabulous results in just the month and a half since "school" started, but she does miss her friends. She has days when she wishes she were at public school. So, when she said that she just wants to "be able to defend her faith," I jumped on that to reinforce why we are homeschooling. I said, "I know it's hard for you to believe now, but there will come a time when you may doubt; and when that happens, we want you to know where to go to search for answers."

With tears streaming down her face, she said, "I will NEVER doubt. Not after what I've been through. I've seen my family ripped apart, then put back together by God." By this time, I had tears in my eyes and I knew. I knew that every time I cried out to God, sobbing to Him that I just couldn't hang on, angry at Him for asking me to do what I didn't even want to do, awake in the darkest hours, praying that God would fulfill His promises—it was all worth it! Not just for me. Not just for my husband. It was also for our girls!

It was worth it for their faith, and for the countless others who will be influenced by their testimony over their lifetimes. IT IS WORTH IT! Hang on for all you've got and be RADICALLY obedient to Christ. Have faith, even when those around you have given up and are encouraging you to do the same.

For our God is an awesome God—He holds the "king's heart in His hands and directs it like channels of water." GOD will restore your marriage—He did ours, and I give ALL PRAISE AND GLORY AND HONOR TO HIM!


My Husband Is HOME!

My husband asked me if I wanted to get back together. I said, “Yes!” He moved home three days later and today, a week later, he is bringing the rest of his belongings home! Praise the Lord!

He asked me what I expected out of this relationship. My response was “to be able to love him as a wife should love her husband, and to respect and honor him until death do us part.” He laughed and squeezed me tight. God is Faithful.

I trust the Lord with all my concerns that I may have yet for my family and I know that God is faithful and we will be better than we ever were!!

We were separated for only two months. I’m grateful that I did not have to hit rock bottom in order to seek the Lord. After being apart for only two weeks and my husband living with someone else, I sought the Lord with everything, turning everything over to Him.

The Lord has been my strength during this time, as I have had to face many difficult situations with the children by myself. Thank God, my husband is home and will also be here to support our family.

Praise the Lord! God is so Faithful!


God Has Brought My Husband Home in North Carolina!!

I am so in awe of what the Lord has so miraculously done in my life that I fear I won't be able to express all the joy I am feeling! All the PRAISE, GLORY, HONOR, and WORSHIP are due my precious Savior. God has brought my husband home!!

I am in such awe and in such a humbled state of contentment that words cannot express my feelings or the gratitude and thanks that I owe God. After years of a troubled marriage (and the past year being one of lovelessness and selfishness), my husband moved out over a year ago, to begin a relationship with another woman. They were living together, with her two children. My husband was absolutely certain that she "was the right one," certain that divorce was what he wanted. He just wanted to "get on with his life" with her and be happy.

God is so mighty, gracious, and wonderful! All the pain, the heartache and grief that I personally endured has been well worth it! Not only for the stronger relationship and deeper appreciation that my husband and I now share, but most importantly, THIS whole situation is what brought me to my relationship with God!! I had been running from Him and pushing Him away all my life.

I believed in Him, but I wanted nothing to do with Him. I certainly didn't believe that He would ever DO anything for me or in my life. The ripple effect that this restoration has had and will continue to have has brought so many blessings to so many people. I don't even realize and probably never will understand till we meet on the other side of heaven.

That was His purpose. Yes, it was painful, but God is so gracious and loving. So far, everyone has wanted "details": "What did your husband say?” “What changed his mind?” “Has he told you he loves you?” etc. There really is not much to tell by way of details. To put it simply, God answered my prayers—to the very letter! The hedge of thorns that I prayed every day around my husband and the other woman worked, and God simply did as so many have asked of Him in our situation. HE TURNED MY HUSBAND'S HEART BACK TO ME, OUR DAUGHTER, OUR FAMILY, OUR MARRIAGE, AND TO HIM!!

Praise You, Jesus! Erin, you were so very right saying that God gives us the grace to forgive TOTALLY. I imagined many times how I would react when my husband expressed his desire to return. I knew it would happen, I just didn't know when, and I was prepared (and EXPECTING) it to be a long wait.

I knew I would have issues with trust and self-consciousness, worrying about being intimate for the first time. I KNEW I would not be able to get past the hurt, pain, and rejection of my husband being with another woman emotionally and physically as well. God is so merciful—it was NOT an issue!

It is just another transgression that our Lord, in His infinite mercy, has fully buried and covered with His blood. It is as if it never happened. I could not do this or feel this way on my own. Please praise and thank God with me for all that He has done in our lives!

I ask that you agree in prayer with me for the salvation of the other woman and her husband so that God can heal and restore their marriage, too. They are one, just as my husband and I are. I know that God loves us all and desires to be one with all of us. I want God to bless them in the same way He has us.

I really don't even know what else to say other than THANK YOU, heavenly Father! I love You. I am Yours. Our marriage is Yours. ALL the Glory and honor go to You alone!

BE encouraged and take hope and strength from this testimony, for I tell you that ours was most definitely one of those marriages that looked totally and completely hopeless!! Faith and patience inherit the promises. God is faithful!


Restoration at Thanksgiving!

As my marriage is being restored with renewed vows around Thanksgiving, I can think of no better way to celebrate than to give praise to God! No big dinner, just reflect on God’s love and His wonderful gift of my husband.

We are but filthy rags and saved by His grace and blood. We must continue to praise, pray and fast for our marriages and hold our husbands up in prayer. Satan is still a wolf, devouring and destroying lives, but he is defeated and our victory is in Jesus.

I thank God for my husband, and I knew all along that his emotional well being had been hit. He walked away because he didn’t realize what was happening to him. All he knew was that his life seemed out of control. Hearing him say, “Thank you, honey, for not giving up,” I cry tears of joy! It was God who placed unconditional love in my heart for my husband.

Thank you, Erin and Dan, and for all men or women who continue to believe for their marriages. The reaffirming we share with each other is wonderful. God bless all of you!


Pray Until Something Happens!

God is wonderfully in control of every area of our lives! How beautiful it is to know that all we really need to do is to lean not on our own understanding but in all our ways acknowledge Him and He will direct our paths! God is telling all of us that are waiting just to trust Him and to stand still and see the salvation of the Lord.

Praise God with every breath that He gives us. I thank God for this wonderful ministry that I've been visiting since December of 2001 when I was at my lowest. Erin and Dan, you have been like John the Baptist to me, pointing me to the direction of God, my first Love.

I had put my husband before God, and I now know that this was idolatry. I have a spirit-filled encouragement partner who prays and cries with me. She always points me back to our Lord and Savior. God is working in my situation by first changing me and speaking to my heart about forgiveness and new mercies every day. I was in the pit of hell, but God reached down and picked me up and turned my darkness into light, a beautiful soul-saving light!

My husband is home, PTL!! He is more affectionate and considerate, and he tells our family that we must put God first! God started a work in us that I know will be completed in His own time. I am so comfortable sitting back, resting in the Lord, knowing that I don't have to be in the driver's seat. The battle is not mine—it is the Lord's!

I can't help but cry tears of joy when I think about how far God has brought me and to know that God loves me even with all my shortcomings. Who wouldn't serve a God like this? Just P.U.S.H. (Pray Until Something Happens). Let's continue to believe that God can and God will restore all of our marriages! Hallelujah!


God Does Not Change!

TRUST IN GOD—HIS WORD STANDS FIRM. For those of you out there who are wondering if you need to apply all the Biblical principles that Erin suggests, JUST DO IT! My husband has been home now for a little over one month and has shared with me one story after another that confirms the wisdom of following God's way.

"Letting him go" allowed him to stop spending emotional energy on tension between us and, instead, caused him to spend his time examining his relationship with God.

"Letting go of my lawyer" diffused the battle between us over finances, and (in my husband’s words) made him realize that "now the decision to divorce was all on his shoulders"! He had to deal with what he was about to do to his family, his daughters, and his legacy. After so many years of me subtly (and often not-so-subtly) telling him what I thought he should do about something, or being sure I communicated to him my dissatisfaction about our relationship, about discipline issues with the kids, about all kinds of things in the name of "communication," I finally learned how to be a 1 Peter 3 kind of wife and SHUT UP! (OK, so that's not the literal translation, but it sure gets the point across!)

After he began to say that God had convicted him that he needed to come home, he asked me if I had any ideas who we should talk with (a counselor, perhaps, or our pastor) to resolve any lingering issues. A few months ago, I not only had ideas, but I had written them down and shared them with his male prayer partners/small group members! Talk about trying to manipulate the situation and play junior Holy Spirit!

But, praise God, my only response this time was, "I'm sure that whatever you decide will be the right thing." And you know what? Although I had previously foolishly and unknowingly done my best to strip him of his God-given authority, my husband rose to the leader position that he deserves! Submitting to him, yet trusting in God, has been a key to restoring our relationship!

God is so good! Although my husband decided two months ago that he would definitely be coming home, he felt that God was in control of the timing and that there were some changes he still had to make before he could come home "for good." Perhaps by Thanksgiving, certainly by Christmas, he said. Well, I believe that by refraining from trying to "suggest" how we handle his "re-entry" to our home, God truly gave me the desire of my heart, and my husband came back much sooner!

My husband made all the arrangements for an entire weekend in downtown Chicago, complete with tickets for an "I Still Do" conference! Six months prior, the week that my husband moved out, I saw an advertisement for a "Marriage Covenant" certificate and wanted so badly for our relationship to be restored to the point where we re-committed ourselves to each other before God. God is SO GOOD! I never mentioned anything about it to my husband, and yet he chose the exact thing (the conference, our recommitting to each other through words/vows and on paper, an entire weekend to "reconnect") that completely fulfilled my heart's desire … won without a word!

These past four weeks (since the conference), my husband has been staying here every night, yet he still has things (and a year-long lease) at an apartment. We spent last weekend packing up the last of the stuff and unloading the U-Haul. Although some might say that was when he "came home," I know that he came home first in his heart. His "stuff" was just a formality, but praise God that HE COMPLETES the good works that He starts!

God brought home to me A CHANGED MAN! Each day I marvel at the miracle God has wrought in our lives. What was dead (our marriage), God has resurrected! Not just to the same old mediocre state it was before, no, we are finally experiencing what "true" love is about, what it means to be "one flesh."

My husband has told me how sorry he is that he hurt me and our girls; he has asked for my forgiveness (which I had already given many times in my heart, with God's help). It is incredible how God changes us when we seek Him first. When we live to please God, not ourselves, that is when we experience joy. I praise God for loving us enough to allow this crisis in our lives. He knew what it would take to bring about the changes in each of us that would allow us to experience God's best!

I know I never would have believed that I'd be saying I was thankful that my husband left me, and yet I am closer to Jesus now in a way I had never known before. I KNOW beyond a doubt that my husband is home for good because, as Erin says, when God does it, it's complete and it's permanent. I thank God daily for all that we have gone through—AND for bringing people to me over and over again with whom I can share this testimony and give them hope.

I am convinced also, as Erin is, that "marriage crises" are not about the marriage but are actually "spiritual crises" in disguise. So, to all of you out there who have not experienced your marriage restoration yet, I say, "Hang on! Keep your eyes fixed on Jesus, not your circumstances. You are not the one case to which God's unchanging truth does not apply. Be encouraged!"


Restored for our Anniversary!

God is so good! My husband called me today, after talking with his mom, and he told me that he wants me to buy a one-way ticket to Jacksonville FL where he is! He said he wants to try and work on our marriage! I am sitting here and I don’t know what I am feeling—I feel like I am dreaming this, but it’s real!!! I am in shock because of how quickly it happened.

thought he wasn’t working. I give Him all the praise and all the Glory! He wants me to come right away so we can spend our wedding anniversary together! PTL! God is so good!


Husband Is Back Home!

I am so moved by your reports, especially those who have been holding on for YEARS.

Now I want to report that my husband is back home! Praise the Lord! He’s been gone for nine months! We have had an off and on marriage for eight years.

I have been a contentious, disobedient wife. I started to see this one and one half years ago. Then, three months ago, I found the Restore website. I started to learn to submit. There have been awesome changes in our marriage!

My husband is clearly taking the lead. I ask him for permission to do things. It is so new to me! I was brought up exactly the opposite way (a full women’s libber). This is really the truth of the Word of our Lord! He said He would set our feet on the Rock, and He has!

I still need prayers to continue submitting to him and to give EVERYTHING to the Lord. Thank you for being there, for this ministry and all those who are walking in the ways our Lord wants us to walk.


— Chapter 14 — 

First to Throw a Stone

He who is without sin among you,

let him be the first to

throw a stone.

—John 8:7

 

 

Adultery:

Grounds for Divorce

or

Grounds for Forgiveness

 

Can adultery be forgiven?

Yes. Jesus said to the woman caught in adultery: “Did no one condemn you? . . . Neither do I condemn you; go your way. From now on sin no more” (John 8:10–11). Actually, not only is adultery not grounds for divorce, it is grounds for forgiveness, as Christ showed in John 8:10 above.

We also have an example of a spouse forgiving adultery in Hosea 3:1. “Then the Lord said to me, ‘Go again, love a woman who is loved by her husband, yet an adulteress.’” Then in 1 Corinthians 6:9–11, when God refers to adulterers and fornicators, He says: “And such were some of you; but you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, and in the Spirit of our God.” We are washed in His blood of forgiveness.

Yet, too many pastors say that adultery is grounds for divorce. “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery’; but I say to you that everyone who looks on a woman to lust for her has committed adultery with her already in his heart” (Matt. 5:27–28). If it were true that adultery is grounds for divorce, most married women could divorce their husbands since most men have lusted over pictures of women on television or in magazines!

If you have committed adultery, you must confess your sin to your husband if he is unaware of your unfaithfulness. “He who conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will find compassion” (Prov. 28:13). See below for more help.


Should my husband’s adultery be forgiven?

What did Jesus do? Jesus said to the woman caught in adultery, “Did no one condemn you? . . . Neither do I condemn you; go your way. From now on, sin no more” (John 8:10–11). Have you condemned your husband?


But he is a “repeat offender”!

What did Jesus say when Peter asked how many times he should forgive his brother who sinned against him. “Seven times?” he suggested. But Jesus replied, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.” That’s 490 times! (See Matt. 18:22.) Too often when women have husbands who are repeat offenders (like mine was), a pastor or counselor convinces the woman that her husband will never change; however, that is simply not scriptural.

If this were true, more than 9 out of 10 of our restored marriages would simply not be restored today. Most of our restored marriages are marriages that had a spouse who was a “repeat offender”—in other words, a repetitive adulterer, not a “one night stand” situation. Most, if not all, were given ample time to repent, but refused—but God heard the cry of the wife who stood in the gap for her husband and God did a work in her husband’s life and broke the sin of adultery out of his life. (For more information, read chapter 17, which trains you to pray Scriptures or “stand in the gap” for your husband, and chapter 16, which teaches many principles regarding prayer, especially the power of “prayer and fasting.”)

Are you without sin, that you should cast the first stone at your husband? Jesus also said to the people who wanted this adulterous woman punished, “He who is without sin among you, cast the first stone” (John 8:7). Are you without sin, that you should cast the first stone at your husband? The truth is, “If we say that we have no sin, we are deceiving ourselves, and the truth is not in us” (1 John 1:8).

But I never did anything that sinful! Let me show you that God groups your sins along with your husband’s. This is how God sees sin: “Now the deeds of the flesh are evident, which are: (his?) immorality, impurity, sensuality . . . drunkenness, carousing, (now yours?) strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, disputes, dissensions, envying” (Gal. 5:19–20).

And if I don’t forgive him? What are the grave consequences of not forgiving? “But if you do not forgive men for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will not forgive your transgression” (Matt. 6:15).

When God refers to adulterers and fornicators, He says, “And such were some of you; but you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and in the spirit of our God” (1 Cor. 6:9–11). “For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife” (1 Cor. 7:14). Since you and your husband are one flesh, we at Restore Ministries suggest that you draw closer to God, allowing Him to transform you more into His image. Something amazing will begin happening to your husband since you are one flesh—He will become sanctified! However, as long as you stay in sin, you will both remain unsanctified.

But adultery has happened before! Let us once more remember what Jesus said to us when asked how often we are to forgive someone. “If he sins against you seven times a day, and returns to you seven times, saying ‘I repent,’ forgive him seven times seventy” (Luke 17:1–4). (See chapter 9, “A Gentle and Quiet Spirit,” on the subject of “Tough Love.”) Also, see below for why it continues.

But he hasn’t repented! As Jesus hung on the cross for your sins, He cried out, “Father forgive them, for they know not what they do” (Luke 23:34). (Again, see chapter 9, “A Gentle and Quiet Spirit,” on “Forgiveness.”)

“Don’t be overcome with evil, but overcome evil with good.” God specifically asked His prophet Hosea to remarry his wife, Gomer, even after she was blatantly unfaithful to him. Hosea 2:2 says, “For she is not my wife, and I am not her husband . . .” Then in verse 7, “Then she will say, ‘I will go back to my first husband, for it was better for me then than now.’” Later in verse 3:1 it says, “Then the Lord said to me (Hosea), ‘Go again, love a woman who is loved by her husband, yet an adulteress.’” God used the story of Hosea and Gomer to show His commitment to His own bride, the church (see the book of Hosea). In Luke 15, it says the older son said to his father “. . . this son of yours came, who devoured your wealth with harlots, you killed the fatted calf for him.” Then the father said to his older son, “But we had to be merry and rejoice, for this brother of yours was dead and has begun to live, and was lost and has been found.” What will your husband find when he calls or comes by? The fatted calf, your robe, and a ring—or will he be met with judgment?

Can I ever trust him again? God said to trust Him; you will then be blessed with a faithful husband. “Cursed is the man who trusts mankind and makes flesh his strength . . . Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord and whose trust is the Lord” (Jer. 17:5–7). People always ask me how I can trust my husband. I answer by saying, “I don’t—I trust the Lord!” It is the Lord who made my husband faithful to me, and He will keep him faithful. Glory to God!

How can I help my husband? Help him by praying! “Keep watching and praying, that you may not come into temptation; the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak” (Mark 14:38). Every woman who allowed God to turn her husband’s heart testifies that God removed the wandering eyes and unfaithfulness. (These are women whose husbands have been home for years!)

God may bring other tests into our lives to be sure, but not adultery. When God heals and brings deliverance, He says, “It is finished.” It is a complete healing and deliverance from adultery. Remember, if you sow in the flesh, you will reap in the flesh. Ladies, if you coerce or entice your husband to return home, you will reap consequences. Learn to wait. When it is the blessing of the Lord, He will add no sorrow to it! (See Prov. 10:22.)

 

What does His Word say we are to do (or not do) if our husband is in adultery?

The adulteress flatters; we are instead to edify. Proverbs 29:5 says, “A man who flatters his neighbor is spreading a net for his steps.” “Let no unwholesome word proceed out of your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification” (Eph. 4:29). The difference between flattering and edifying is the heart. When someone flatters, the heart or motivation is to “get something.” The motivation of one who edifies or builds up is to give something—expecting nothing in return. Two women can be saying the same thing, yet the difference is in their hearts. What kind of heart do you have? Do you whine and complain to others about what your husband hasn’t done in return for your kindness and forgiveness? Whether he hears your whining is not important. God hears it and is looking at your heart.

God may bring on His wrath; don’t you do it! “Therefore consider the members of your earthly body as dead to immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and greed, which amounts to idolatry. For on account of these things the wrath of God will come” (Col. 3:5–6). “For we know Him who said, ‘Vengeance is mine, I will repay,’ and again, ‘The Lord will judge His people.’ It is a terrifying thing to fall into the hands of the living God” (Heb. 10:30–31). If you haven’t forgiven your husband, you may be joyful when the “wrath from God” begins. However, God warns us: “Do not rejoice when your enemy falls, and do not let your heart be glad when he stumbles; or the Lord will see it and be displeased, and turn His anger away from him” (Prov. 24:17–18).

Don’t be deceived—you don’t need to look into what your husband is doing. “For nothing is hidden that shall not become evident, nor anything secret that shall not be known and come to light” (Luke 8:17). They have been hidden from you by God to protect you. Those who thwart God’s protection by spying or investigating are tragic; please don’t make the same mistake! “For it is disgraceful even to speak of the things which are done by them in secret” (Eph. 5:12). Ladies, stop talking about your husband’s sinful life. It does not glorify God. Only the adversary is delighted that you are so willing to speak for him!

 

What Can We Learn from Scripture

About the Adulterer and the Adulteress?

It is flattery that pulls a man into adultery. “For the lips of an adulteress drip honey and smoother than oil is her speech; but in the end she is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two-edged sword. Her feet go down to death, her steps lay hold of Sheol. She does not ponder the path of life; her ways are unstable, she does not know it” (Prov. 5:3–6). While you were busy tearing him down, the OW was building him up. While you were disagreeing, she was agreeing. Has it changed?

She uses her flattery to pull him into adultery and into spiritual death. “With her many persuasions she entices him; with her flattering lips she seduces him. Suddenly he follows her as an ox goes to slaughter. So he does not know it will cost him his life” (Prov. 7:21–23). Many times it is quite suddenly that he follows her. Many women whose husbands have fallen into the pit of adultery have reported that they warned their husbands, yet they never heeded their wives’ warnings. (See chapter 8, “Won Without a Word,” for why husbands ignore their wives’ warnings.)

Once again it is her flattery that pulls a man into adultery. “That they may keep you from an adulteress, from the foreigner who flatters with her words”(Prov. 7:5). When was the last time you praised your husband for anything? Encouraged him? Got excited about what he said? Is it any wonder he was starving for what the adulteress was serving—flattery?

Again, it is her flattery that eventually pulls him down to suffering financially. “To keep you from the evil woman, from the smooth tongue of the adulteress. Do not desire her beauty in your heart, do not let her catch you with her eyelids. For on account of a harlot one is reduced to a loaf of bread,and an adulteress hunts for the precious life. Can a man take fire to his bosom, and his clothes not be burned? The one who commits adultery with a woman is lacking sense; he who would destroy himself does it. Wounds and disgrace he will find, and his reproach will not be blotted out” (Prov. 6:24–33). So many women are surprised by their husbands’ actions or what they say while in adultery. The Bible is clear: at this point he is lacking sense and is destroying himself.

Again, God says that he will suffer financially. “He who keeps company with harlots wastes his wealth” (Prov. 29:3). There have been women who have come to me to tell me that, because her husband is so successful corporately, this will never happen to him. God’s Word applies to all. Every woman who came to debate this principle later told me of her husband’s financial collapse, and how the adulteress wasted his wealth!

The adulteress is basically out to get the man. She is out (of the home) to do it! “A woman comes to meet him, dressed as a harlot and cunning of heart, she is boisterous and rebellious; her feet do not remain at home” (Prov. 7:5). Is this a description of you too? Are you boisterous? Are you rebellious? Do you spend more time away from home than in it? “For the harlot is a deep pit, and an adulterous woman is a narrow well. She lurks as a robber, and increases the faithless among man” (Prov. 23:28). (Please read “The Ways of Her Household” in A Wise Woman for more knowledge.)

The adulteress is deceived into thinking that she has done nothing wrong. “This is the way of an adulterous woman: she eats and wipes her mouth, and says, ‘I have done nothing wrong’” (Prov. 30:20). Many women who come seeking help for their marriages respond in the same way by stating “I have done nothing wrong.” Have you taken the full responsibility for your marriage collapsing? Until you look directly at what you have done long and hard enough that you can no longer see your husband’s sin, your marriage will not be restored.

The adulteress is an enemy of God! “You adulteresses, do you not know that friendship with the world is hostility with God? Therefore, whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God” (James 4:4).

God will give her time to repent and then cause great tribulation! “And I gave her time to repent; and she does not want to repent of her immorality. Behold, I will cast her upon a bed of sickness, and those who commit adultery with her into great tribulation, unless they repent of her deeds” (Rev. 2:22). We see this so often in our ministry. All the men who stayed in adultery eventually fell into “great tribulation.” This is why it is vital that when your husband is seeking relief he “knows” that there is peace in his own home. He must know that the contentious woman is gone! If God hasn’t brought him around, then you are not ready. God is more than able to create a situation in your husband’s life to cause him to contact you. It’s not God’s problem or your husband’s problem; it’s your problem. Once there is a significant change, God will be faithful to bring him around. Until that time, He is hiding you with the desire to change and mold you from the inside out.

We have also seen at least four cases when the other woman, who would not repent after a time, was stricken with a significant illness (i.e., lupus, cancer).

“And I will kill her children with pestilence; and all the churches will know that I am He who searches the minds and hearts; and I will give to each one of you according to your deeds” (Rev. 2:23). In addition, we know of two cases when a child died. One woman lost a child in a miscarriage to what the doctors said was a “parasite.” We in Restore Ministries just heard of another case when the other woman (a professed Christian), in her boldness, continued to pursue another woman’s husband after many warnings. Her oldest son died of a brain tumor!

This is a spiritual battle. It must be fought and won in the Spirit. Please reread chapter 8, “Won Without a Word,” to understand more about spiritual warfare. We also have examples of prayers in chapter 17 that work mightily against adultery. Always ignore and resist the temptation to fight in the flesh, either viciously or enticingly. Books, talk shows, and well-meaning friends may try to sway you to either administer the “tough love” approach, which, we experienced first hand, leads to even more hurt and a complete disaster in your restoration, or to be more romantic or seductive to win him back. Neither of these is the cause nor the solution to this sin. It is a spiritual battle. It must be fought and won in the Spirit. Love, as described in 1 Corinthians 13 is always the right response!

Once your husband shows you that he feels he is able to trust you (because he knows that you are not going to try to make him come back to you, but that you have let him go) then it is time to allure him as it describes in the book of Hosea. If you want a good teaching on this topic, the Q&A video “Alluring and Unconditional Love” has helped many who are now restored.

Seducing is very different from alluring. Kind and loving words are alluring. Forgiveness is alluring. Someone who is at peace is alluring. Don’t fail to allure your husband through kindness, with loving words, which speak loud and clear that you truly have forgiven him. “Therefore, behold, I will allure her, bring her into the wilderness, and speak kindly to her” (Hos. 2:14). Again, for a deeper understanding of the principle of alluring, you would do well to view the video “Alluring and Unconditional Love.”

Be excited when your husband calls or comes by. It’s not pursuing to be excited. Let him know by excitement, enthusiasm, and the tone of your voice that he is special and very loved by you. However, if you have never let him go, it will drive him away. You must first be sure he knows that you have truly let him go, then begin to allure him with your kind words.

By agreement. Many ask what they should do if their unfaithful husbands approach them for physical intimacy. “But because of immoralities, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. Let the husband fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again lest Satan tempt you because of your lack of self-control” (1 Cor. 7:2–5).

If you are still legally married, yet you refuse to be intimate, resist his advances, order him out of your bed, or initiate sleeping apart (for whatever reason), you are working and playing into the hands of the devil. A woman who is an unbeliever would certainly order her husband out of her bed or out of her house. “And if you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them” (Luke 6:32).

When a sinner or anyone who was “unclean” came to Jesus, He always responded kindly and even touched them. He says that anyone who comes to Him, He will in no way cast out! (See John 6:37.) No matter how often a sinner comes to the Lord, He always accepts him back even though He knows that he will soon reject Him again. Are you an imitator of Christ?

However, the above verse clearly covers those who are still legally married. If a divorce has taken place, give no appearance of evil. This is the time that you must abstain from intimacy when your former husband requests it.

Stop: There's MORE HELP if you can say I've committed adultery.

Personal commitment: to forgive. “Based on what I have learned in Scripture, I commit to trusting the Lord and refusing to fight in the flesh. I will continue daily to forgive my husband and all who have been involved. I will stay gentle and quiet as I walk in a spirit of forgiveness.”



If you are ready to make this commitment to GOD, by CLICKING HERE you've agreed, and are ready to document this part of your Restoration Journey in your "My Daily Journal" form.

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