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RYM: Wk3 Chapter 13 "Wonderful Counselor"

Course 1: RYM LINKS

Day 17, Week 3: RYM Chapter 13

"Wonderful Counselor"


but first Restored Marriage Testimonies

taken from


Ohio – My Husband Is Home!

After much prayer and the support of the SOS team, and many others, my husband is home! God is also bringing him out of the confusion that Satan tried to put on both of us. What an awesome response of a wonderful, miracle-working Father God! My situation looked hopeless, felt hopeless, and was a real mess. I waited for FIVE YEARS and prayed the Word of God.

In the “Be Encouraged” tapes, Erin said we do not know what God is doing behind the scenes. How true! I cried and cried and just kept praying the Word of God found at the back of the How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage book.

Since my husband has been home I have been severely tested, but because of the tapes and book, I understand what is happening, and it has given me the strength to stand firm in my faith!! I would have never made it without Restore Ministries and the direction of Jesus Christ with the Scriptures He also gave me to stand on.

This praise report is a promise I made to Father God and Jesus Christ to give Him all of the glory, for He is faithful! Yes, many times I failed. Do not be discouraged if you stumble; just get back up, dust yourself off, and apply the principles again and again. God broke the adulterous relationship, too. He does not play games! Satan cannot establish what God broke, and God is in control of the situation.

God does use for good what was meant for harm! I must admit I am having a difficult time now waiting for my husband to lead in the area of taking me to church. But, I KNOW it will happen eventually.

He REALLY loves the fact that he now has authority over the finances and I listen to his directions and instructions!! I believe allowing him to have that authority and not arguing anymore (which is a miracle in itself) were some of the major turning points in our marriage. He likes me being home and taking care of me. Isn’t that a turn-around from what the world says about being a working woman to be fulfilled!! I like this a LOT better and he likes having clothes ironed for work, supper fixed and me just being home when he comes home from work! I like being submissive a lot better too! It has actually taken pressure off ME!

God will complete the work He started. Take care of yourselves, ladies. Be kind, sweet, and look as pretty as you can. Smile and build your husband up. Don’t EVER tear him down. He needs to hear from you that he is wonderful!!

Thank you!

Restoration in Georgia!

I give God the glory and honor because He is so awesome! There is nothing too difficult for God to handle. God called me to believe for my marriage in 1999. I was separated from my husband for six months. During those months, God dealt with me through prayer.

When my husband returned, I stopped praying, and I did not forgive him in my heart for leaving me with an eight-month-old baby girl. I was going through the motions of being a wife who honored and respected her husband, but in my heart, I did not. Unfortunately, things did not change.

I struggled about 18 months trying to make my marriage work, but couldn’t. We ended up separating again. This time, I gave my marriage and my heart to God completely. I also gave my husband to God and continued to pray for him. God dealt with me on forgiveness. I started looking at my husband the way Jesus looks at us. Jesus died for our sins that we may be reconciled to Him.

Now we have to “die” to our flesh and truly forgive our husbands for what they did or what they are doing. It is very hard to do, but with God, all things are possible.

The second time my husband left, it was for only one month. However, before he left, I told him that I forgave him and then asked God to cleanse my heart of the hurt and anger that I felt towards him and the OW. I praise God for giving me the desire to forgive and throw the past into the sea of forgetfulness.

Stand on God’s Word and know that it cannot lie. He will restore your marriage. I know, because He restored mine. We are happy. My husband initiates all the “we” and “ours” now without me saying a word. But I had to ask God to help me truly forgive my husband and the OW.

Now that God has returned my husband to his home, I continue to pray and praise God for His gift of reconciliation. God is awesome and greatly to be praised. Forgive and “die” or “crucify” your flesh and let God reconcile your marriage.

Restored Miraculously in South Africa!

I have not posted a praise report for many months. I trusted God to restore my marriage for a year. I fasted, prayed, and cried out to God. Then I started to lose hope, since this is my second marriage, when it started to look as if nothing was happening, I decided just to quit.

Why would God give me another chance? I already messed up my first marriage. Nevertheless, I knew that God wanted to restore THIS marriage. I was constantly praying for it to happen. When I married my second husband, I didn't know that I was not allowed to remarry.

Although there were many things God did to keep the hope in my heart alive, I started to slip away from God and all the promises He had given me. I finally decided to give up about two months ago. I decided since it was unacceptable to marry again, I would move on with my life.

I knew in my heart that I was wrong. Then, I decided to visit my prayer partner (she is 1400 km from where I live). I asked my former husband to look after our house while I was gone. I was away only two days when he phoned me and asked me to come home and told me that he wanted to try again!

This was totally unexpected! He had just told me before I left for my trip that he didn't want a relationship with me. This same man told me just a week ago that he did not want a relationship with me, and now we have been together for four days already!

There is a lot of work to be done, and God has to rebuild our relationship, but God is faithful and will restore us in His time. Erin, you were right about EVERYTHING! God is so faithful, even when I gave up.

He came through for me, and this brought me closer to God and made me again realize how awesome and powerful our GOD is. I want to encourage all of you—DON'T GIVE UP! Believe me, my husband screamed that he would NEVER come back and that he didn't love me, and yet he just returned!

He even told me after he came home that even if it didn't look like it, he never stopped loving me! When you feel like giving up, that is when your breakthrough is near! I honor God and thank Him for giving me the desire of my heart.

Thanks, Erin, for what you believe. I believe God is going to restore the truths regarding biblical marriages in South Africa and I really want to be part of that.

God Is Always on Time!!! Restored in California!


God sent my husband home after seven months! We are still praying for total restoration, but our God is so awesome and He is so faithful to whatever He has promised!

I could never give up on my marriage because God continued to give me hope even when my husband would not communicate with me!!! However, in the twinkling of an eye, God turned it all around for good!

We are recovering everything the devil tried to take! God is so good!!!! Trust Him!!! Believe and receive!!!

I just kept posting my prayer request, knowing that people I had never even met were praying – God had them take time to pray for us! I used most of the resources from Restore Ministries along with many, many internet prayer partners, most of whom had been or were going through the same things.

I would try to stay positive and believe in what God has already promised in His Word. I took in no negative thoughts from well wishers who told me that I should go on with my life! Instead, I believed only in what God had told me in His Word. I just needed to wait for the victory!

God is replacing all that the enemy “thought” he had stolen. I am now, with God’s guidance, helping others I meet who are where I was. I can easily tell them that God is so faithful to His promises and He will never fail us! We have to believe without doubting Him!

It was very hard but God continued to give me hope day by day. I had to finally say, “Okay, God it’s You and me!” Then He began to give me that peace that surpasses all of my understanding. He also reassured me that He was working on both of us.

For a time I continued to send my husband love notes and many, many messages but he never read any of them! But then, when I let go and let God, my very last letter to him was just what God wanted me to say. Then I just stepped back and finally put it all in God’s hands. This was so hard because I felt that my husband was going to forget about me.

But, God!!! Oh, but God!!! He is so awesome!!! He is so faithful!!! He is my everything!!! I just love Him so much!!!!! I know that He will do just what He said He would do!!! And He did!!!

I thank Him every day for saving me and for my husband. He had to do a work on both of us in order for us to remember who He is! He is in total control!!!

Thank you. Praise the Lord!!! Hallelujah!!! God is so good!!!!! He may not come when you want Him, but He is always on time!!!

Miracle Restoration in Canada!

With man this restoration would have been impossible, but with God all things are possible! He said, “I am the God of all flesh, is anything too hard for me?”

My girlfriend prayed for my husband and me last year faithfully, submitting our name on a weekly basis to your ministry’s website. I believe it has been the power of prayer that has done this work in us. My girlfriend also lent me your book, How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage.

I am a born-again believer, who, through my wounds and distress, committed adultery (I found out my husband opened himself up to pornography). However, God gave my husband a vision, and He is changing my heart and replacing it with love.

We have been apart for five years, and I gave up believing that God could restore! I couldn’t believe for it any more, and I wasn’t sure I even wanted it.

I want you to know that with God, all things are possible! I just gave my two months notice on my job and my apartment. I will be moving in with my hubby in our hometown! He is willing to have our marriage vows renewed, and he is coming to church with me! God has made us both willing!!!

Restoration is the road less traveled, but it is the heart of God and I, like so many others, fed on such deception. But a merciful God, a few good friends, a husband who was willing to forgive adultery, and a lot of people with your ministry praying, motivated God who started to heal my wounded heart and change it. He restored my love for my husband in my heart—love that I thought was dead.

God has made my husband willing to forgive and has softened his hardened heart toward me. Ladies, all I can say is God is faithful and His Word does not lie!

I look forward to even more praise reports on your site. Your book is truly a tool for “God’s Kingdom girls” who believe their marriages are hopeless.

Make sure you stay away from “vision killers”: people who don’t have enough faith to believe with you or give you truth.

Erin, God has a mighty plan for this ministry. I have even had unsaved friends ask me for the website—that’s God!! In His mercy, God bless you all.

Restored Two Days after My Mom’s Funeral!

Just two days after my mother’s funeral my marriage was restored!! I am sending this gift to thank you. It is the money that was left to me from my mom. Here is my testimony:

First, I’d like to thank you for your ministry. I cried out to God for help because when I went to my pastor and asked what I could do he just looked sad and said it was up to my husband. Before my husband even left I was looking on the Internet for prayers for marriages. I was sickened by all the marriages in trouble. Then one of the people who had asked for prayer asked for someone to write her. I did and that led us “by the Grace of God” to Restore Ministries. I found a prayer partner and her friend led us to meet others who led us to Restore Ministries.

Over a year ago, my husband of twenty-five years left me (and our five children, four who still lived at home). He did not leave to live with someone else, but he left with no thought of coming back. I, like you, went to my pastor and he said there was nothing I could do; it was “his will.” I had my priorities wrong; I needed my husband and wanted God; now I need God and want my husband. Like many, I was desperately trying to hang on to our marriage while he wanted to leave. By the time he left he loathed me.

From the beginning the Holy Spirit told me to believe. I was going through tests for cancer and my husband was telling me he was not in love with me. In pride, I took off my wedding ring the night he left and told him when he was ready to be my husband he could put it back on my finger. I got your book that week but before I put the ring back on, my finger bruised where the ring was “supposed” to be. This was only the beginning of God’s power and mercy.

Four months after my husband left, the Holy Spirit told me my husband would be home before the following Christmas. I just sobbed because there was no evidence seen. I don’t know why; maybe God knew how weak I was and gave me that word so I could make it to the end and see my miracle. The enemy not only attacked us with my husband leaving, but also right after he left our oldest son got cancer.

I got your books. I read Psalms and Proverbs continually as you advise. I also bought your “Be Encouraged” videos. I had praise music going almost all the time just as you did and I still carry my Scripture cards with me—I love them!! I can only say it ALL helped to restore my marriage. As I look back now it was only the Grace of God that kept me going. The videos were very encouraging; being able to know someone whose marriage had been restored helped me so much. I followed whatever you said to do: I prayed constantly for God to guard my mouth as with a muzzle; I would cry out to God and He would help me through the day or night or through any situation I would face.

I can’t tell you how many times I would be praying and singing praises to the Lord when my husband would call. I am so thankful for all that God showed me along the way. I didn’t know anyone could hurt as badly as I did. However I am thankful because it led me to visit my mom more often before she died.

Six months after my husband left he asked me if I was praying. I was stunned, but said, “Yes.” He said, “I want you to know I have been talking to my dad and if you will have me back I want to move back in the near future.” It’s amazing—I had been praying for this miracle and I sat there thinking, “Wow, he can feel me praying! What an awesome God!” At first I couldn’t figure out why he wasn’t coming back and then as time went on I knew God wasn’t done yet. I remember feeling so much anger and saying to God, “You have to help me with this.” But God spoke to me and said, “That’s not anger; it’s pain. Your husband can’t heal you; only I can do that.” For the next nine months my husband told me only twice that he loved me but said he would be moving back soon.

Only a couple of weeks before my husband came home my mom asked me when he was moving back home. I told her “soon” and she asked how I knew. I shared your Scripture: “They looked to Him and their faces are radiant and they shall never be ashamed.”

Then my mom got sick and we had to take her to the hospital with a minor infection. But when they put her to sleep she died. This is why I am so thankful that while my husband was gone I had the opportunity to spend more time with my mom. God’s ways are perfect and His timing is never late.

Erin, in our pain, God is so good to us. Two days after my mom’s funeral, my husband moved back home.

Erin, I want to thank you for what you do to help marriages. I pray for you and Dan. I am so thankful that God has restored my marriage and as I continue to seek Him, I now think I know what you mean.... BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD!! Thank you so much!! God bless you, your family and your ministry. In His Love...

Restored in Texas! God Is Able!!

Earlier this month God delivered my husband from the OW! The devil tried feverishly to stop the process. The OW didn’t want him to leave and tried everything in her power to make him stay. While she was begging and pleading, I was praying and praising God.

My husband tried to leave about 4:00 that morning, but didn’t make it to our home until 4:00 that afternoon. We live about thirty minutes away from each other. I just praise God for delivering him out of the hands of Satan.

I know it isn’t going to be easy, but I will do all that God wants me to do. God is the only reason that my husband was restored. This is the same man who told me we would never be a couple again, that he hated me and that he wanted a divorce. God is able!

You must trust Him and believe what you pray. His Word will not come back void! He may not come when you want Him to, but He is definitely on time. PTL!

God Restores Another Marriage!

To all who are encouraged by Restore Ministries, by the Word of the Lord and by prayer, I am proclaiming that my marriage is finally restored!!

I want to tell you what my husband said after coming home (he mentioned it on three separate occasions to friends and to me): “As the nagging stopped, suddenly, I wanted to come home! I always missed you and the children, but when I thought about the quarrels, I didn’t want to call again.”

After reading Restore’s website, I stopped nagging and asking him when he was coming. What a difference it made from when I thought I had to “express my feelings” and “win the war” as I lost peace for eight years!

Praise the Lord for His living Word!

My Husband Is Home! Hallelujah!

My husband is home! He arrived almost one year to the day after the Lord allowed him to leave. I was contentious, controlling, angry, suspicious, hurt, bitter, had committed adultery, and was ready to kill myself when he left.

I cried out to the Lord for three months, consulted witchcraft and screamed at the Lord until the day He came and told me why. “I allowed this because you spat upon my covenant!” I was self-righteous, a Pharisee and full of poisonous words, always correcting and criticizing. Yet all along I thought it was all everyone else’s fault...if my children hadn’t run away, if I just hadn’t been fired from that great job, if his friends would have left us alone.

Like Mary when her brother died, I eventually got to the point where I said, “If you would have been here Lord...” When my husband left me I thought this was the last straw, the last bit of mercy He may have had left for me, but I cried to Him, begging Him to give me another chance and asking Him to help me to allow Him to change me (as I do now again and again).

As I allowed Him to change me, my husband saw the changes in me. After he came home he told me that he was watching me to see if the changes were real. Then he told me he liked falling asleep here as I opened our home to him (even though he slept on the couch); it felt to him like home.

Would you believe that now he keeps telling me how lucky he is to have married me and wants to “show me off” to his friends and family!! He even said that he “always wanted me; he just didn’t know what happened.”

My husband sent me “D” papers all filled out and he went back and forth over whether I should sign them. I kept repeating “all who call upon the Lord shall be saved.”

My husband was not with another woman; he was with his family—first his mother, and then his father...all of whom he left to be joined to me and to be one flesh. I have been truly blessed to have not gone through that particular trial!

There have been so many trials. First, my daughter’s friend was hit by a car after my car broke down when I was arranging a tow truck. Our finances were all going crazy at the bank over a lot of unauthorized charges, and one of my other daughters “appeared” to be missing for a couple of weeks!!

After my husband came home, our TV broke (an answer to prayer—Hallelujah!), my car broke down a couple of times, one of my daughters got sick (and is still sick) and my husband had a heck of a time finding a job. I also was injured at work and he was re-injured at work.

Things are not perfect, but my husband is home and he is ecstatic about it!!

God does not break His Promises; this I DO know!!!

I have prayed for opportunities to share this ministry with people. My husband’s friend and his wife are separated and my husband was the one who gave them the little Restore Ministries “At Last There’s Hope” tract!!! He even says he would like to get the Men’s Manual when we have the extra money. Wow!

My two sisters are going through similar circumstances and I have shared a bit with them also.

Erin, I want to thank you so much for being so honest with all of us. Thank you for allowing the Lord to change you, and for allowing Him to help you spread the truth.

Husband Home in Wisconsin!!

I have a wonderful praise report to share! Two weeks ago, my husband asked if he could come back home!!! He broke the news to me on January 1 of this year that he no longer wanted to be married; he moved out on January 6. He moved back home immediately after finding out he was still welcome!

God has done wonderful works in both of us during our time apart. I am very much enjoying my “new” husband! I praise and thank the Lord each day!

May God bless each of you and give you peace in your heart during your times of hurting (and always)! Remember that the will of God will be accomplished in His timing!!

Restored in the UK!!

Dear people who are encouraged through this webpage, through the Word of the Lord, and through prayers—our marriage has been restored!

I wanted to tell you what my husband stated after coming back home, what he has said on three occasions to friends and to me: "I always missed you and the children, but when I thought about the quarrels, I didn’t want to call again!" And, "The nagging stopped (my nagging!) and all of a sudden I wanted to come back home!!"

After reading this webpage, I stopped nagging at him and asking when he was coming. I only spoke to him to ask his advice. Once, when I asked his advice, he protected us from going to an area that shortly thereafter was flooded and many people who were there died!

What a difference than from before! When I thought I had to "express my feelings" and "win the war," I lost the peace!!! I lost the peace for eight years!!!

When I "met" Restore Ministries on the Internet, our marriage was in a crisis, tormented, full of quarrels, misunderstandings, separation, and old grief. We have been married for nine years and have two children. Right from the beginning, there were problems. I filed for divorce three times. I loved my husband but always nagged at him. I worshipped my own depressions, my ability to work hard, and also my intellect. I thought he was idle and unable, and told him so and tried all I could to change him.

In fact, changing him was the god that I worshipped every day. The results were separation every year, my husband leaving us regularly, and financial breakdown. Nothing progressed.

I found Restore Ministries while surfing the Internet, looking for positive words and expressions connected to marriage healing. Praise the Lord for His living Word!

Our heavenly Father taught me first to KEEP MY MOUTH CLOSED, to not pursue my husband, but to pray fervently for him and not talk negatively to others about him. God taught me to submit to him in everything. I started to find joy in my situation, to enjoy being a housewife, exploring what the children and I could do together. Before, I used to work, work, and work, and if I didn't work, I was exhausted. I had another woman looking after the children.

As I studied Restore Ministries' resources and started to read the Bible regularly, submit, shut my mouth, and pray and fast, our situation turned around within three months.

I learned the following:

We walk by faith, not by sight!

Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.

Submit yourself to your husband as unto the Lord; be subject to him in everything.

Reward evil with good.

God is not a respecter of persons.

Your fruits will show others Whom you believe in.

The Lord's ways are so much higher than our ways; His thoughts higher than our thoughts.

The Word of the Lord NEVER returns void.

My husband then announced he would be coming back home. After two more months, he returned, and we immediately moved away from the country we had lived in as my husband desired.

My husband took over all responsibilities, began to build his own company, started an education, and feels very satisfied here. The restoration process is progressing every day like the parable of the growing seed—it grows while we sleep. I have backslidden and made many mistakes along the way, but the Lord always forgives and allows me back into His presence.

The latest step along the way is that my husband has started to read his Bible and pray with us. PTL!

How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage and the Workbook for Women were the resources that helped me to become obedient (and it was very difficult for me to accept some of the sayings—I rebelled in the beginning!). They have been a continuous support, encouragement, and means of breaking my resistance and disobedience, as they are very clear and demanding. I would recommend both of these resources.

Every time I read the praise reports, they lift my spirit. Now that my husband is home, I see changes in our marriage every day! The main thing is that God REALLY answers your prayers when you believe what you pray, and especially when it is according to His will!

Materially, we have lost everything, but spiritually, we have gained so much more than that. I pray that the beliefs and the message of Restore Ministries and God’s Word will go out to hurting couples and accomplish more than anybody asks or imagines!

I cannot express enough all that the Lord has done for us! In fact, I feel that the main thing that has happened to me is learning to trust in the Lord and stop doing things on my own. The further we progress into restoration, the more clearly the Lord stops me from DOING. He has given us ALL we ever imagined and so much more.

He has turned curse to blessing, night to day, rain to sun, and storm to peaceful quiet! Praise His holy name! His mercy endureth forever!

I pray that all who believe and pray steadfastly for the restoration of their marriage will be strengthened by the Word of God—strengthened not to give up until the battle is won! And it will be won! It is already won!

All we have to do is to pray and believe! All praise be to God, to Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior, the bright Morning Star!


— Chapter 13 —

Wonderful Counselor

And His name will be called

Wonderful Counselor,

Mighty God,

Eternal Father,

Prince of Peace.

—Isaiah 9:6


My husband is filing for divorce; what should I do?

How do I find someone to defend me?

How can I protect myself and especially my children?

People who know about your situation may have been advising you to get a good Christian lawyer to protect you, your assets, and your children. It could be a Christian friend, a counselor, or even your pastor. When my husband was divorcing me, I got this same advice from other well-meaning Christians—but praise God that is what helped me find the “Mighty Counselor”! This is what I found in my Bible when I was searching for what God had to say on this subject of litigation.

I found in His Word that He had promised to protect and defend me! So I chose Him and did what His Word told me to do. He was not only faithful, but also mightier than any attorney or court could be because I put my trust in Him alone!

I have shared these principles with countless others. Each of them found that following these principles turned their situation around and brought peace where there once was war.

Who has known the mind of the Lord? “Oh, the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are His judgments and unfathomable His ways! For who has known the mind of the Lord, or who became His counselor?” (Rom. 11:33–34). Speak to the Lord. Then sit quietly and hear from Him.

Woe to the rebellious. Egypt represents the world. “‘Woe to the rebellious children,’ declares the Lord, ‘who execute a plan, but not Mine, and make an alliance, but not of My Spirit, in order to add sin to sin; who proceed down to Egypt, without consulting Me, to take refuge in the safety of Pharaoh, and to seek shelter in the shadow of Egypt!’” (Isa. 30:1–2).

Have you sought protection in the court system? Do you trust your attorney more than you do your Lord? “. . . Cursed is the man who trusts in mankind and makes flesh his strength.” It makes your heart turn “away from the LORD” (Jer. 17:5).

It shall not approach you. “And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, let him have your coat also” (Matt. 5:38–48). Usually we are worried that our husbands won’t take care of us and that they’ll take too much of what we (or our children) deserve. If you act like he’s your enemy and fight, he’ll fight back. Hasn’t he in the past?

Many share “horror stories” about those who have divorced to scare you into getting a good lawyer. Just remember, “A thousand may fall at your side, and ten thousand at your right hand, but it shall not approach you” (Ps. 91:7). Instead, “Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good” (Rom. 12:21). Release your attorney and trust God alone to deliver and protect you.

Dare go before the unrighteous versus saints? “Does any one of you, when he has a case against his neighbor, dare to go to law before the unrighteous, and not before the saints?” (1 Cor. 6:1). This is a very firm Scripture. Would we dare God? If you merely show up in court, you are standing “before the unrighteous.”

In most states you do not violate the law if you don’t show up in court if you are served with divorce papers. You merely lose by default. Some make you sign a waiver that you will not appear, and in some (as in the state of Florida at the time of this writing) you neither have to sign the papers nor show up.

Check it out and don’t just take one person’s word for it if they tell you that you “have to” do anything. I took this verse literally when I was served my divorce papers. I didn’t sign the papers nor did I show up for the hearing—and God delivered me! Had I gone to an attorney or shown up in court, I would not have seen the mighty deliverance of the hand of God!

We shall judge angels. “Or do you not know that the saints will judge the world? And if the world is judged by you, are you not competent to constitute the smallest law courts? Do you not know that we shall judge angels? How much more, matters of this life?” (1 Cor. 6:2–3). God is mocking us, showing us how petty and insignificant the matters of this world are in comparison to our life with Him.

Matters of this life. “If then you have law courts dealing with matters of this life, do you appoint them as judges who are of no account in the church?” (1 Cor. 6:4). The courts today do not follow biblical teachings as they did when this country was founded. As a result, we have rulings and burdens placed upon believers that neither God nor our founding fathers had in mind. If you choose the courts to help you, you will choose their judgment over God’s protection and provisions.

Before unbelievers. “I say this to your shame. Is it so, that there is not among you one wise man who will be able to decide between his brethren, but brother goes to law with brother, and that before unbelievers?” (1 Cor. 6:5). When the church began to ignore the biblical teachings, they also began to ignore the church’s correction.

I have never heard of a man who turned from his sin of adultery after being confronted by the church. Some temporarily changed, but in all cases they returned to the other woman! So don’t ask your pastor to talk to your husband. Allow God to turn and soften your husband’s heart.

Rather be wronged or defrauded. “Actually, then, it is already a defeat for you, that you have lawsuits with one another. Why not rather be wronged? Why not rather be defrauded? On the contrary, you yourselves wrong and defraud, and that your brethren” (1 Cor. 6:7–8). God says it is better that you are wronged and defrauded (cheated or tricked).

Most women that I speak to who are in the process of divorcing are so caught up in what they’ll get, how much money for support, and how many possessions. If you don’t allow yourself to be wronged, your husband will end up angry and bitter. If you don’t allow yourself to be backed up to the Red Sea, you will never see God’s power of deliverance! Remember that the “cares and riches of the world will choke the Word!” (Matt. 13:22).

We are told that Demas left Paul because the cares of the world choked the Word from him. The following verse tells us how. “And the one on whom seed was sown among the thorns, this is the man who hears the word, and the worry of the world and the deceitfulness of riches choke the word, and it becomes unfruitful” (Matt. 13:22). Scripture says specifically that it was because of “worry” and because of “riches.” Don’t worry about or get caught up with money or possessions.

Trust that “our God will supply all our needs,” even when your papers say that he doesn’t have to pay enough child support or it doesn’t “look” like there will be enough money for you and your children. Many have fallen from their faith because the Word was choked out.

My divorce papers stated that I wouldn’t get nearly enough to support my four small children and myself. God softened my husband’s heart because I trusted the Lord. I didn’t even need to ask for more or tell him my plight. God placed in my husband’s heart the desire to pay all of our bills until he came home!

A defeat for you. “Actually, then it is already a defeat for you, that you should have lawsuits with one another. Why not rather be wronged? Why not rather be defrauded?” (1 Cor. 6:7). This is your answer: if you go into court with your spouse, it is already a defeat for you. You may get the money or the possessions, but you will lose your husband!

No one will see the Lord. “Pursue peace with all men, and sanctification without which no one will see the Lord” (Heb. 12:14–15). If you wish to act as Christ acted (Jesus was totally innocent) remember that He “opened not His mouth in defense” (1 Pet. 2:23). God can begin to work in your husband’s life because you are planting seeds of life and no longer giving Satan fuel for destruction. (See 1 Pet. 3:1.)

We want our husbands to see Jesus’ ways in us. We quench the work of the Holy Spirit when we do the things we “want to” instead of what we “ought to.” Do it God’s way!

Put away. “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away with all malice” (Eph. 4:31). If you have a lawyer, slander and wrath will take place. This is what divorce is all about. You must put it away from you. It doesn’t matter if you have a “Christian” attorney or not—all“deliverance by man is in vain!” (Ps. 108:13).

Deliverance by man is in vain. “O, give us help against the adversary, for deliverance by man is in vain” (Ps. 108:12–13). I have heard countless accounts of all the ways that people try to deliver themselves, only to find that even though the judge gives a judgment of a certain amount of money or protection, the courts can’t make your husband pay or protect you from his vengeance or physical harm!

There has been much media attention given to those who don’t pay child support. You have heard stories about men who come after their wives for physical revenge—and law enforcement can’t help them! Allow God to turn your husband’s heart (Prov. 21:1).

Your husband doesn’t need stricter penalties, but a heart for you and your children. You have His promise: “When a man’s ways [your ways] are pleasing to the Lord, He makes even his enemies to be at peace with him” (Prov. 16:7).

Take refuge in the Lord. “It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in man” (Ps. 118:8). A lawyer is no substitute for the Lord. Can a Christian have both a lawyer and God’s protection, or are they actually in opposition to one another? “Cursed is the man who trusts in mankind and makes flesh his strength. Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord and whose trust is the Lord” (Jer. 17:5–8).

We have found in the area of divorce that you can either be blessed or cursed by trusting God or what you and an attorney can do. You must ultimately decide. I decided that I really would certainly lose if I tried to fight. I might win more money, but thankfully, God led me to want my husband and our marriage restored! So I chose to put all my trust in the Lord and He delivered me because of my faith in trusting Him alone!

Cease striving. “Cease striving and know that I am God” (Ps. 46: 8–10). Put it in His hands. Stop wringing your hands about it; stop discussing it with everyone. Be still! If your husband has already begun divorce proceedings, and you have already humbled yourself and turned from your wicked ways, then follow these steps:

Called us to peace. Tell your husband that you do not want the divorce, but that you will not stand in his way (Ps. 1:1) and that you will not contest the divorce either. Tell him that you don’t “blame him” for wanting to divorce you. Tell him that you will still love him (if the “hate wall” is down), no matter what he chooses to do. “Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave . . . but God has called us to peace” (2 Cor. 7:15).

Sweetness of speech. Again, be sure to tell your husband that you will not contest or fight him in the divorce and that you won’t get a lawyer for yourself. If you have a lawyer, tell your husband that you will dismiss him or her. Tell your husband that you trust him and know from his past that he will be fair, and that he will do what he believes is right for you and your children. The only way to win the war that is raging against your marriage is with kindness and refusing to fight! “Sweetness of speech adds persuasiveness” (Prov. 6:24).

I hate divorce. Tell your husband that you have made so many mistakes in the past that you don’t want to make any more. You hope that he will allow you not to sign the divorce papers. I told my husband that since ours was a state of “no—fault,” the divorce would go through even if I did not sign the papers. Seek the Lord for how He wants to deliver you and the words that He wants you to speak to your husband. Remember, the Lord said, “I hate divorce.” Of course if he persists in your signing, agree to sign and then pray diligently that the Lord will stop him from pursuing you to sign. If you are not the same disagreeable woman that you were, and your husband sees a humble and meek wife, then he will not continue to press. Don’t offer suggestions to try and please your husband; this is displeasing to the Lord. Seek the Lord! (See “Wives, Be Subject,” under the heading “Sarah’s Obedience: Submission unto Sin?” in A Wise Woman.)

Nothing is impossible. However, if you have participated in divorce proceedings, all is not lost. Ask the Lord’s forgiveness and then your husband’s forgiveness also. Demonstrate your desire to have the family together by dropping any and all legal action or protection. God will begin to heal right now:“With God nothing is impossible” (Matt. 19:26).

Again, if you have retained a lawyer, dismiss him or her immediately if you want the Best to defend you. Then pray, “Lord, there is no one besides Thee to help us in the battle between the powerful and those who have no strength; so help us, O Lord our God, for we trust in Thee, and in Thy name have come against this, O Lord. Thou art our God; let not man prevail against Thee” (2 Chron. 14:11 KJV).

Harder to be won. If you have already been through a divorce, bitterness, resentment, and extreme anger are probably what your husband feels toward you now. Pray that God will forgive your transgressions and blot out the bad memories he has (Ps. 9:5) and replace them with good thoughts. Pray harder and be sweeter (again, sweetness of speech adds persuasiveness) at every opportunity that you may have with your husband to win him back. Remember, “A brother offended is harder to be won than a strong city, and contentions are like the bars of a castle” (Prov. 18:19). (See chapter 8, “Won Without a Word.”)

Then I could bear it. God does understand what you are going through. Read some of Psalm 55; He’s speaking directly to you. Beginning in verse 6, “Oh that I had wings like a dove! I would fly away and be at rest. Behold, I would wander far away, I would lodge in the wilderness. I would hasten to my place of refuge, from the stormy wind and tempest.” Verses 12–14: “For it is not an enemy who reproaches me, then I could bear it; nor is it one who hates me who exalted himself against me, then I could hide myself from him. But it is you, a man my equal, my companion and my familiar friend, we who had sweet fellowship together . . .”

Steal, and kill, and destroy. If you have “flown away,” go back home. Satan is in his glory because he has again managed to divide and conquer! Take back the ground that he stole from you; he is a thief! “The thief comes only to steal, and kill, and destroy; I came that they might have life, and might have it abundantly” (John 10:10). Give God the victory and the testimony by turning this around for His glory! Instead of throwing away “your cross” (your troubled marriage), pick it up again and follow Him!

Take up his cross daily. “And He was saying to them all, ‘If anyone wishes to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow Me’” (Luke 9:23). Be sure that your cross isn’t heavier than He has designed for you; take off all your lack of forgiveness and bitterness. It’s a heavy weight to carry and, eventually, you won’t be able to continue to carry it. You may not even be able to lift it up now, to begin to follow Him.

Take off any “works of the flesh.” The flesh will wear you out and break you down. Let go and let God restore. Use this time to fall in love with the Lord! If your cross feels too heavy to bear, there are burdens on your cross that you have put there. He does not lie and He has promised that He wouldn’t give us more than we could bear!

There is no one besides Thee. Now let us together pray as Asa prayed in 2 Chronicles 14:11: “Lord, there is no one besides Thee to help in the battle between the powerful and those who have no strength; so help us, O Lord our God, for we trust in Thee, and in Thy name have come against this multitude. O Lord, thou art our God; let not man prevail against Thee.”

Below are a few short testimonies (or Fruit of the Word) from those who have chosen to follow the ways of the world or the ways of God:

Testimony: A woman came into class for the first time only a week before she was to take the “evidence” of her husband’s infidelity to her attorney. The attorney said that if she could show this to the judge, he could get her more money. The lesson that night was “Wonderful Counselor.” Without saying a word in class, she went home and threw the shoe box full of “evidence” into the trash. Since then, her husband has continued to pay her bills though he married another. She is still praying and trusting God.

Testimony: A young woman believed God when she read in her Bible, “He is our Provider.” When she read the divorce papers, which stated that she was barely going to get enough to pay the small rent payment for herself and her children, she made up her mind to continue to trust God. Then she acted on her faith. She told her husband that she trusted him and that she was sure that he would help take care of them as he had done so faithfully in the past. He did continue to pay all their bills and even gave her spending money from time to time out of his girlfriend’s savings! The other woman and the attorney tried to falsify the divorce papers, but they were not able to succeed because God had turned her husband’s heart. The divorce did go through, but shortly thereafter, they were remarried.

Testimony: A woman, whose husband had filed for divorce, tearfully contacted us. She said that she also had a friend who had filed. She said that she was so sympathetic that she failed to share with her friend about her own troubled marriage and that she was trusting God to help her.

A few weeks later she heard a shocking report on the news: her friend’s husband was so distraught about the divorce that he planned to kill his wife before he would let her leave. Yet the net, which he had hidden, caught his own foot; he died in the fire that also destroyed their entire house.

Testimony: An older woman came to Restore Ministries after her divorce was final (though a friend had begged her for months to come!). She shared with others the devastating effects of fighting it out in court. She did receive “all that she deserved”: the house, a new car, and alimony. Yet she now has a former husband who will have nothing to do with her. He has thousands of dollars worth of bitterness that the court made him pay to her and to her divorce lawyer.

Testimony: A woman came to a prayer group (not Restore Ministries) asking that they pray for her upcoming divorce. They prayed that God would have the judge provide well for her and her children. God answered that prayer and the court awarded her an ample amount of money in the divorce. Only a few months later she was asking for prayer again since her husband had not paid her a dime! Again they prayed for the court to be firm with her husband. The judgment again was in her favor.

Only weeks later she asked that the prayer group pray that the police would “find him” and bring him back for “justice”! He had fled to another state to avoid paying. At this point the police threw him into jail. That prayer group failed to really trust God for her protection, for Him to turn her husband’s heart and have him “want” to provide for his family. “And my God shall supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus” (Phil. 4:19). Only God’s way will bring “victory.”

Don’t follow the world’s way; trust only in Him. I promise you that He will never let you down. Only as you compromise or look to the flesh for strength and protection will things go awry. Still, it may take going through the fire of endurance (with Him) to reach the victory He has waiting for you. Will you pick up your cross and follow Him?

How much faith do you have? Do you have enough to take the step to allow the Lord to fight for you without a lawyer? My beloved sister in Christ, release your attorney, and take the hand of Jesus.

Personal commitment: to trust God alone. “Based on what I have learned in Scripture, I commit to trusting the Lord to fight for me in this battle. I will release my attorney (if I have one) and I will not show up in court (unless I will be in contempt).”

If you are ready to make this commitment to GOD, by CLICKING HERE you've agreed, and are ready to document this part of your Restoration Journey in your "My Daily Journal" form.

Also, if you want to be paired with a LIKE-MINDED ePartner after your Rebuilding, be SURE to pour out your heart in EACH Journal.