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RYM: Wk3 Chapter 12 "Seeking God"

Course 1: RYM LINKS

Day 16, Week 3: RYM Chapter 12

"Seeking God"


but first Restored Marriage Testimonies

taken from


Another Restoration Miracle in Wisconsin!

Praise the Lord! My husband has returned home after seven months! God is so faithful when we trust Him. I love Ephesians 3:20—"He is able to accomplish infinitely more than we would ever dare to ask or hope" (NLT).

I have learned so much about being the wife that God expects—with a gentle and quiet spirit. While I still struggle with images of my husband with the OW, God continually tells me to be patient and endure. God is showing me how to respond differently to the sins (the world would call them addictions) that plague my husband, to be loving and kind and not contentious.

His plan is so much greater than we can understand. I came to know the Lord only four and a half years ago at the age of 31. My husband still does not believe in God. But God continually shows me that He will use these circumstances for His glory. Who am I to question His plan?

We must continue to grow in our knowledge of Him, and in doing so, we will grow in wisdom as we apply that knowledge to our lives. I need to do more to demonstrate to God and my husband that I am fully committed to my marriage.

The Lord reminds me every day that I must trust Him and live by faith and not by sight. Psalm 40 is one of my favorite Psalms. Early in my desire to restore my marriage, I found comfort in knowing that God had heard my cry and was lifting me out of the pit of despair. I believed that "many will see what He has done and be astounded. They will put their trust in the Lord" (v. 3b).

Proverbs 23:26–35 is a wonderful piece of Scripture I used in prayer for my husband when he was caught in adultery and alcohol/drug abuse. This, combined with Ezekiel 36:26–27, is a regular part of my daily prayer for my husband, that he would give his heart to the Lord. God keeps showing me that my husband could and can be reached, but it was not and will not be through my words.

Erin, thank you so much for following God's plan for your life and helping others in need.

My Husband Moved Home Saturday!!

After one year away, my husband moved home last Saturday!!! I know God brought him home! The things he has shared with me confirm His work in my husband. I know we have a long way to go, but I also know that God is able to do all things!

It is very hard when he leaves for work in the morning because he works with the OW. I pray that he will quit his job. He always said before he came home that he knew "if" he came home, he would have to quit. He said it, and it will happen.

Our family has been called into a music ministry and my husband is aware of it. A few years ago the Lord gave him three visions of our ministry, but Satan has fought against our family in many different ways for many years. I know that we serve a big God who is able to do exactly what He has purposed.

I am still praying that my husband will come back to church and that his heart will get right with God. Our church family is GREAT and they have missed him so much. I know, because of the things he has said to me, that he came home out of fear of God. At first I was hurt because I wanted to think that he came home because he missed and loved me, but I now know that coming home out of fear of God is best!

God has worked wondrously in me, and I so want to be a godly wife and woman!! I love the Lord so much! He is truly my Everything! Praise God!!

Also, God has started bringing women into my life with marriage problems, so my prayer is that I will be able to minister to them. I have led all of them to Restore Ministries. One lady already reported after only two months that she and her husband are not divorcing! They are talking and things are getting much better! Praise God! He is so faithful!!

Erin and Dan, thank you a million times over for being obedient to God. Dan, thank you for coming home to your wife and family and for being a godly man. Erin, thank you for becoming my friend through your videos and books and for allowing God to use you.

I really don't know where I would be today if a friend had not told me about Restore Ministries! Through this ministry and God, I am a different woman today! All glory and honor go to God!!

Restored and Remarried in Washington!

I have a restored marriage!!! My husband divorced me in June after we had been married for nine and a half years. Then, on January 4th we were remarried in our home. I am praising God that He controls the heart.

Thank you Erin! I am so thankful for your ministry and the encouragement that you give in all your materials. I found out about you when I was in desperation. I had been with you for about 6 or 7 months before I got brave enough to get my ePartner.  My partner has been wonderful and I still cherish her friendship and want so much for her marriage to be restored. I have contacted my ePartners (I was blessed with two) and have talked with them since my husband and I got remarried and he looks forward to traveling and meeting them, also!!

I would like to be of encouragement to others and to get back into Restore Miniseries’ Fellowship. I want to help others by praying and sharing how important it is for us to keep covering our homes in prayer. I also have been learning why Erin stressed the importance of taking a year off to help heal and guard my marriage more than ever with prayer and God’s word.

Since my remarriage, my hours at work have been cut by 32 hours. I believe it is due in part from the discrimination of my belief in my marriage. My fellow employees believe as the world does, that LOVING YOUR husband unconditionally is crazy.

What helped me most was the Word of God, my prayer closet and all your tapes and videos of which I went over and over until tears flowed where I needed to correct myself and to learn to shut my mouth and be quiet.

I, also, had a prayer partner close to work and we would meet and pray at lunchtime. The workbook for women on how to build your house on the Rock and to gird yourself in Scripture and let God be the leader is tremendous!!! I followed everything and even took the 3x5 Scripture cards with me to work to look at them anytime anxiety wanted to get my mind in turmoil.

I also learned to enjoy reading the Psalms and Proverbs. Just like in the book of Solomon and I can truthfully say with all my heart that I am my beloved’s and that he is mine.

Love is a treasure to be cherished and it must be lifted up in prayer and the intimacy we share is so beautiful that God helps us grow to be more like Him. I love my husband more now than ever and I pray for others who need to watch their contentious, self-centered and narcissism attitudes. I praise God for convicting me in areas where I needed to change. He is still helping me to become a better wife and partner to my husband. I now know that submission is a beautiful fulfilling role of a woman and I am glad I am a woman who is becoming a flower but yet still needs to grow to reflect God’s glory.

I know that with man this all seems impossible but with God nothing is impossible.  We were apart for 15 months, which now seems like it never happened, but the growth I learned made it worth it. During all of this I lost my mother six months after my having to leave our home, I lost a cousin in April, and I lost our precious grandson in May. This all happened before my husband called in September.

My God is the lamp of my path and the light He sheds His wonderful!! He faithfully molds us into a servant for His glory.

I praise God for my miracle of my restored marriage and I tell my husband, every night, “I love you and thank you for loving me.” I love him more now and we are closer because of the trial we went through.  God is so faithful when we stay close to Him.  I will send pictures soon. My husband and I are Catholic, like you were Erin, but we were married by an Assembly of God minister who my husband loves. He wants us to attend services there now.  I don’t know where our feet will land yet, but I do know that my husband is the head of our home and Christ is the head of him and He will direct my husband and I will praise him for my husband’s leadership!!

I pray that more families will be restored and our nation will be stronger because those who believe in the restoration of our homes will prevail!!  Praise God for Restore Ministries.  God bless all of you who are waiting and believing for the restoration of your marriage—my prayers are with all of you.

Thank you for your ministry Erin and Dan.

Husband Comes Home in South Carolina!

Thank God for letting me find this website. Just last night, I prayed that He would send me some sort of encouragement. My husband is home after a 5-month separation! He was living with the OW.

Although he is now home, I feel that the hard work is just beginning. I feel so much more encouraged after reading some of the testimonies. I know that my prayers will not be in vain.

It seems sometimes that my husband will never let go of the OW and that is extremely hurtful. However, I now see that nothing is impossible with God, not even my husband’s salvation!

My next step is to purchase the material suggested and get busy. I hope that the next time I send a praise report it is to say that my marriage is truly healed.


Restored in North Dakota!

Praise God!! My husband moved back home last Saturday after being gone for one year!

First I want to thank my Lord and Savior, Jesus. He is my all in all! I could not have done this without Him! I can now say He is truly my Lord, not just my Savior!! Second, Erin, I want to say a big THANK YOU to you and Dan. First to you, Erin, for being a willing vessel, for being willing to go through the fire, and for letting God do His work in you! And then for being willing to share with all of us. And Dan,thank you for coming home and for getting your life right with God again. Because of you, Dan, I believe many other men are coming home!

It was 18 days short of one year, the day my husband moved home—a day I will remember as long as I live!! I wish I could say he came home broken and repentant and right with God, but it is not so. However, I do know that what God has started He will finish, and I know He brought my husband home. I now have to live out all I have learned over the past year, including “won without a word”!! Erin, please pray for me, that I will not blow it, and that I truly will be able to be all that God has taught me to be!

I am a member of Restore Ministries Fellowship. I joined your ministry just a little over one month after my husband left. I have two very good friends here, who believed in your ministry with me, believed in what I was doing, and stood behind me all the way! They never let me give up, and they always encouraged me to go on, even when I felt like I could not take another step!

I came to your ministry almost every day, to read testimonies, to pray for others, and to read the daily devotion. Because of finances, I was not able to get all of the encouragement series videos, but I did get a couple of them and the Esther video. The book and the workbook for women—I read them, and read them, and read them! I was broken and cried many times as I went through them, because that was me—prideful, contentious, arrogant! I know I drove my husband away! Then through your books and the videos, God was able to break me and begin to change me. He has healed me of so many things!

I would definitely recommend your book and workbook to all women, and I would also recommend that they get as many of the videos as possible. I now have the new workbook and video series for women and am teaching it to about four other women right now! I too promised God that if He would heal and restore my marriage, I would give my life to helping women to believe and follow His will for their marriages and homes!

I have one more exciting thing to tell you! In January, as I was crying out to God, I asked Him how much longer? He told me “soon,” and two other women confirmed it; they called me and said that as they were praying for us, God told them “soon.” About two weeks later, again I asked God, "When?" and He told me “soon.” And then ten days later, on a Saturday, my husband moved home—I didn't even know he was coming home until he was here!!! I knew he was thinking about it because we had talked about it, but what a surprise to see him come driving into our yard with all his stuff!!

Oh Erin, praise God—He is so faithful!! More than I ever dreamed! What an awesome God we serve!! Love in Christ!

Miracle Restoration in Georgia!

Praise the almighty God who is faithful and compassionate! On Tuesday, after a 5-month separation, the Lord restored my marriage! It is all so clear now. Because I was very contentious and disobedient to God, He took my husband away for a time.

By bringing me to brokenness and teaching me obedience, God was faithful to restore our ordained marriage. My husband tells me that he loves my gentle and quiet spirit and that he will do anything for me! The first week was a little shaky at times because the enemy was desperate for God not to receive the glory, but I prayed every time an attack would come.

I want to share with all the ladies that God’s Word is true and He IS faithful when we are faithful. For five months I prayed night and day and suffered the enemy’s blows. God seemed to minister to my spirit many times that He would turn my husband’s heart and bring him home. Then Satan would lie to me that it wasn’t true. The thing is, we have to praise God when we are so down and weary that we can’t stand.

My husband left last August and filed for divorce in October. For a time, things got much worse. Nevertheless, little by little I saw glimpses of light. Finally, a week before our court-ordered mediation, I shut the world completely out; no TV, family or friends. I wanted to focus totally on God and I felt He wanted me to get alone with Him.

Every morning I would read the daily Psalms. Personally, I like to read a section of Psalm 119 every day along with the other daily Psalm readings. Psalm 119 encourages me to love the Lord’s precepts, which are very important. After work, I would spend time with the Lord in His Word and prayer.

On the Saturday before the mediation, while seeking the Lord through His Word and prayer, He put it on my heart to totally lay my marriage at His feet. So, I wrote at 1:10 p.m., my marriage and my husband were laid at the feet of Christ and that He is in control.

About fifteen minutes later, the enemy attacked fiercely. I became so weak and hopeless, I wasn’t sure I was going to make it. The battle continued throughout the day, but by God’s grace, I read, prayed and fasted. By Sunday, God had given me perfect peace. Tuesday, I got up early and just listened to the Lord and let Him love me. He gave me peace and I knew it was all in His hands.

At the mediation, my husband grinned at me every time our eyes met! I smiled back. When it was over, he asked me to take a ride in his new car and we went to lunch! My husband dismissed the divorce, praise God!!!! We never looked back and our marriage is the best it has ever been!

The day after we reconciled, my husband emailed me at work saying that when we got home he wanted to explain what turned him around so abruptly, what made him realize why he loved me so much and his desire to give our marriage another chance! I couldn’t wait!!

At dinner that night, he said it was because I told him I was sorry at the hearing. However, I had said I was sorry a lot of times, so what was so different about that time? He said that God had softened his heart!! I prayed for that so many times and to hear my husband say those words. It just proves how awesome, powerful and faithful God is!

It is so important that we be as close to God as possible and listen to His voice. My marriage is blessed more and more every day! We pray together, read the Bible together and are in church.

Please understand, when we separated, my husband was very angry and turned his back on God. God is truly a miracle worker. I praise Him and give Him all the glory for being there for me and saving my husband’s love and our marriage.

One night my husband came across my RM materials in a drawer and began to read. He was so impressed and happy that he was ready to submit a praise report to Restore Ministries! Thank you, Erin and Restore Ministries, for your wisdom, guidance and support. My encouragement partner was so perfect. It turned out that we are so similar and had much in common. Of course, I am continuing to stand with her in prayer for the restoration of her marriage, which I believe will be soon!

My marriage is absolutely awesome right now! God has truly worked a great miracle! I give Him all the glory and honor and praise! Thank you for allowing God to use you to help us understand how important submission to our husbands “as unto the Lord” is. It has truly brought peace, joy and harmony into our home!!!

Thank you and God bless!

Another Restoration! Isn’t God Amazing?

I must praise my Jesus! He is so faithful! My husband is home and not once has he mentioned the OW or leaving again!

I know my God is faithful! I am so happy to have my husband home! Things are not perfect, and we have lots to work through, but I know God will help us and get us through!!

I am believing for complete healing and restoration of our marriage and home! As I continue to stand on God’s promises, I know He will see us through. God bless all of you, and do not give up!!

Restoration in Australia!!

Last May 2002, God called me out of adultery to return to my husband at a point in my life where I had lost all respect and love for him. The man whom I was going to be with had four children, like me (and a wife), which meant the devastation would have been huge.

God called me out of it, convicting me through revelations He gave to my mother who was praying diligently for us. Within nine months, all praises to God, He changed my heart, helped me to let go of the OM and restored the love I lost for my husband.

God is so faithful and so gracious as He has poured out His Spirit on us both. Our individual walks with God are amazingly close, and we talk with each other on such a deep spiritual level, it is great!! During those nine months, not only has God supplied us with the STRENGTH to hold on and the FAITH to stay with each other (despite tremendous difficulties and emotional pain), HE led my husband to change law firms. He now works alongside other Christian lawyers!!

God has also called us to sell our home and start afresh, challenging us on so many aspects of our relationship and even our beliefs. We believe that God is set to shake our world so that only the things that are built on Him remain. God has given us a new beginning and a new hope and our children are thriving on the change they see in each of us!

We have the women’s and the men’s packets and they have been a great encouragement and help. We believe that God will use our experience to help others believe that God CAN restore marriages. In mid-March, I, along with a group of other women, are going to start a small group in our church for women to encourage and equip them to restore and enrich their marriages.

Divorce Dismissed! Marriage Restored!!

Praise God, my marriage is restored!! The circumstances seemed hopeless in the beginning. In September 2001, my husband filed for a divorce and put our house up for sale. A year prior to this event, my husband was “confused” and wasn’t sure if he wanted to be married. We married young, and I have always been an overbearing and contentious wife, unaware of the damage I was doing to my husband and my marriage.

I spent weeks crying, begging and pleading for my husband to reconsider, but he would not. He was adamant that the divorce go through and said we could work on things afterwards. Fear overwhelmed me, with thoughts of him being with another woman and me having to see him in town with someone else. I fell into the devil’s wicked scheme and moved hundreds of miles away to be near my friends and family for support and comfort during this trial.

Ladies, never leave your home like I did!! Satan uses this device to divide and conquer, and ultimately your husband will end up in adultery! Care enough for your husband’s soul to never put him in that compromising position! After we were separated for three weeks, God got a hold of me and dispelled the myth that I “would find someone better” as so many of my Christian friends and co-workers believed.

I discovered Restore Ministries and immediately applied the principles. I dismissed my attorney, began fasting and praying, and began practicing the “gentle and quiet spirit” that is pleasing to God. The results were instant! I was able to spend Thanksgiving and Christmas with my husband! My husband gave me a beautiful pearl and diamond ring for Christmas, and to top it all off, I found a job that put me within an hour’s drive of my husband!

In January 2002, the children and I moved back. It was scary, but I had faith and trust in God that He would work this all out! Everyone thought I was crazy for moving back so soon, and eventually I began to think I was crazy too, but as Erin says, if you are not being radical enough in believing for your marriage that people think you’re crazy, then you must not be that serious!

I was serious!! I fasted twice a week, and as a result I lost 15 pounds!! With a slimmer figure, a quiet and gentle spirit, and improved cooking skills, I won my husband without a word! We visited each other about once or twice a week as our schedules permitted. We went on a date, and my husband revealed to me that his life was not the same without me! My husband still lived in our home, and when the children and I would visit him, it would be so dirty and trashed. My husband began to drink more, smoke more and never seemed to have peace.

As we began to see each other more and become more intimate, I became more comfortable and started praying less. I felt like my marriage was about to be restored and that my work had been done. Ladies, this is another trick of the enemy!!! Never, never, never give up praying! It doesn’t matter how great things are looking with you and your husband, or even how bad things are looking! Never stop praying!! Satan will use this scheme of “arrogance” or “comfortableness” to attack you and your husband! He did it to me.

In April 2002, I lost my job. I was terrified! How could I support the children and me? I had followed the “don’t pursue your husband” principle perfectly, and my husband had responded by giving me child support faithfully, every two weeks without me asking, but that would not be enough to cover the bills. I panicked and cried out to the Lord, and the Lord delivered!! I received enough in child support and unemployment to adequately support my family!!

Then, in May 2002, I was hit with my worst fear! I came to our home to care for my husband after an accident (another warning, among many, to my husband that his life was not in the will of God), and I discovered my husband in adultery! I was devastated!! How could this happen?! As I said before, I thought my marriage was restored—surely there was no other woman in the picture, so I didn’t have to pray as fervently, or so I thought. Satan used that ploy to get me off my stand, and it almost worked!

I cried out to the Lord for two days and asked Him to give me guidance in which direction I should go, and the Lord said to me “Keep believing—your miracle is around the corner.” Scared, confused, angry, and hurt, I obeyed my Lord Jesus Christ and continue to believe.

In June 2002, after all these trials, we went on a family vacation. The trip was pleasant, and it was an answered prayer to have my relationship intact with my husband after discovering him in adultery. God had put it in my heart to forgive and to treat him as if nothing had happened. It was hard, and I failed a couple of times, but I ultimately renewed my heart and mind to my Lord, husband, marriage, and family.

During our family vacation, my husband told me what I had prayed for. He told me, “You can come home when your lease is up.” Praise God!! He asked me to come home!! I finally had my testimony! We signed papers to have the divorce dismissed—I had a restored marriage! I told my friends and family and most were skeptical, but I knew that God would prove them all wrong!

My husband wears his wedding band again and treats me like a princess! I love my husband more now than I ever have before, and he truly loves me and appreciates all that I have done for our marriage, our family, and for him.

I thank Erin for sharing their testimony. It inspired me to continue to believe for my marriage. I thank my encouragement partner for making me strong when I was weak, for taming my wild thoughts about my husband and his intentions. It would have been so difficult, if not impossible, to keep trusting God for restoration without her.

Ladies, never give up! My world has been turned upside down, but I was faithful to God and His Word. Galatians 6:9 tells us to not grow weary when we are doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up! For my obedience, God has blessed me with a faithful husband, a beautiful home, and a wonderful family!!

You see, it all worked out for my good, and it will work out for your good too, if you don’t give up! You will receive double for your trouble!

God bless!


— Chapter 12 —

Seeking God

I love those who love Me;

and those who diligently seek Me will find Me.

—Proverbs 8:17


When a woman is seeking to restore her marriage, there are always many questions that come up in the course of her restoration. Let me say that throughout the two years of my restoration and during the many years that I have been ministering, I have found that no one but God knows the answers you need—no one including me, anyone in our fellowship, a counselor, your pastor, nor anyone else. God alone has your answers.

This book, our other resources, and this chapter will not give you all the answers because God wants and yearns for you to seek Him! As you read the different questions and the scriptural answers, you will see that there are so many variables in each situation. Things become extremely complicated the more sin we have allowed in our lives and the more we have strayed from God’s perfect plan for His children.

Getting back on track to achieve His perfect plan is impossible for you, but it is not impossible for God!

Throughout this chapter, many questions will arise in your mind; when they do, simply ask God to show you the answer. God will lead you and reveal the answer you need for every question you ask. Here is your promise:

“But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all men generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him” (James 1:5).


Ask of God

What if my husband is unfaithful and commits adultery, then am I allowed to divorce him?

No. As we just learned in chapter 11, “For I Hate Divorce,” God’s Word says that a husband could divorce for the reason of fornication only (which is intercourse prior to marriage) if the woman was defiled, no matter what your Bible translation may seem to say. The one exception refers to the time of betrothal only. Fornication and adultery are not the same sin. If they were, these sins would not be stated twice in the same Scripture verse: “. . . neitherfornicators, idolaters, nor adulterers . . .” (1 Cor. 6:9).

Divorce her secretly. Divorce for the cause of fornication was allowed during the betrothal time, as in the case of Mary and Joseph. The terms “fiancé” and “engagement” were not used during this period of history. The term “husband” was used because Joseph had already committed to being Mary’s husband. “And Joseph, her husband . . . desired to divorce her secretly” (Matt. 1:19). This was prior to their marriage because divorce was allowed for the case of fornication only.

Betrothed. The previous verse explains that the “divorce” was to take place before the marriage! “. . . when His mother Mary had been betrothed to Joseph, before they came together she was found to be with child . . .” (Matt. 1:18). The latest a divorce could take place was immediately after the wedding night, if the woman (not the man) was found not to be a virgin.

There are far too many churches and pastors who say that divorce is right in some situations, but God’s Word clearly says, “Whoever then annuls one of the least of these commandments, and so teaches others, shall be called least in the kingdom of heaven; but whoever keeps and teaches them, he shall be called great in the kingdom of heaven” (Matt. 5:19). Therefore, we, as teachers of the Word, will not annul any of God’s commandments—in other words, we will not say that the verses about divorce are not valid.

How can you be sure that what this book says is right and what so many of the churches are saying is wrong? The Scriptures warn us to “Beware of the false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly are ravenous wolves. Many will say to Me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in Your name, and in Your name cast out demons, and in Your name perform many miracles?’ And then I will declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness’” (Matt. 7:15–23). Aren’t many of the marriages in your church crumbling and the families dissolving? These are the bad fruits.

I have found in talking to pastors about this issue of divorce and remarriage that many of them personally feel “deep down” a conviction about marriage but don’t want to “offend” anyone, especially all those “church members” who are in their second and third marriages. Sadly, one who did finally take a stand in his church was met with a church division from those who were in second and subsequent marriages. They did not appreciate their pastor taking this firm stand on divorce and remarriage! However, when faced with making a decision, we must remember, “Friendship with the world is hostility toward God. Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God” (James 4:4).

A strong stand is not for the purpose of condemning those who are divorced or remarried, but instead, to prevent others from making the same mistake. In the same way, I would not want to make a woman uncomfortable because she had an abortion, yet I would not fail to share the consequences and God’s will for others who could make the same mistake.

Ears tickled. If a pastor or church takes a stand against divorce and remarriage, they are labeled legalistic or judgmental. Those who want to “do their own thing” will go to another church to hear what they want to hear (to have their ears tickled).

“For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine; but wanting to have their ears tickled, they will accumulate for themselves teachers in accordance to their own desires; and will turn away from the truth, and will turn aside to myths” (2 Tim. 4:3–4).

Since I’m already divorced or single again, couldn’t I remarry or at least date and then ask God to forgive me?

First of all, you are not really single. Only someone who has never been married (or a widow or widower) is single, as you will discover if you read the Scriptures honestly without trying to make them say what you want them to say. “So then if, while her husband is living, she is joined to another man, she shall be called an adulteress; but if her husband dies, she is free from the law, so that she is not an adulteress, though she is joined to another man”(Rom. 7:3).

Secondly, you will reap what you have sown. “Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, this he will reap also” (Gal. 6:7). You are willfully entering into sin. “Therefore to one who knows the right thing to do and does not do it, to him it is sin” (James 4:17).

A terrifying thing. You’ll set yourself up for God’s vengeance. “For if we go on sinning willfully after receiving the knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins. How much more severe a punishment do you think he will deserve who has trampled under foot the Son of God. Vengeance is mine, I will repay. The Lord will judge His people. It is a terrifying thing to fall into the hands of the living God” (Heb. 10:26–31).

God will not be mocked; you can never benefit from ignoring God’s Word nor by trading obedience for a “better marriage” (or relationship) with someone new; you will reap what you have sown. Yes, God can forgive you, but that will not erase the consequences that will be worse than what you feel you are living through right now.

During many years of ministry, the Lord has continually shown me information about those who have rejected our beliefs and the truth of God’s Word. Some of the most horrible, abominable, and heart-wrenching testimonies I have heard came from women who “knew the truth” and yet ignored it to do“as they pleased.”

Can anyone then ever remarry?

“A wife is bound as long as her husband lives; but if her husband is dead, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord” (1 Cor. 7:39). For those women who are widowed, it is important to know that when the real “Mr. Right” comes along, he will also be widowed or will never have been married. Remember, Satan usually brings his best first, but the Lord makes you wait and then brings His best! “Wait for the Lord, and keep His way” (Ps. 37:34).

But what if I am already in a second (or third) marriage?

Begin by asking God for forgiveness, whether you were married before you were saved or not. You can’t be effective in your Christian walk if you can’t admit past sins. “He who covers his transgressions shall not prosper” (Prov. 28:13). “If we say that we have no sin, we are deceiving ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:8–9).

Time to repent. “And I gave her time to repent; and she does not want to repent of her immorality. Behold, I will cast her upon a bed of sickness, and those who commit adultery with her into great tribulation, unless they repent of her deeds” (Rev. 2:2). “Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another, so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much” (James 5:16).

Next, seek God to see whether it is His desire to restore your marriage. It is very important that no matter which marriage you are seeking to restore (first, second, or subsequent) that you seek God. We have seen that hearing from God in your heart (that He truly wants to restore your marriage) will help you to “finish the course” and to “endure to the end,” not to mention starting you off in the right direction.

If you cannot discern God’s will for which marriage or which husband to restore (as is the case with many women), then God is telling you that, for right now, He wants you all to Himself. He wants you to feel His perfect love, which you can never earn—but you don’t have to because He gives it freely, even when you feel unworthy. He wants to heal you of all your past wounds. He wants you to be so full of Him that you don’t need any earthly husband. This is where all women need to be. When we are needy, we are vulnerable to hurt and often drive a husband away. Let God be your Husband and see what real love is! (See Isa. 54:4–6.)

Can my adultery of being in a second (or subsequent) marriage be forgiven?

Yes. In John 8:11 Jesus asked the woman caught in adultery if anyone had condemned her, “And she said, ‘No one, Lord.’ And Jesus said, ‘Neither do I condemn you; go your way. From now on sin no more.’”

Some have read into the verse that to “go and sin no more” means that if she was in an adulterous marriage that she would need to divorce her husband in order to be made clean. Nothing could be further from the truth!

Ignoring or minimizing the power of Christ’s shed blood. When a person believes that God will not forgive a second or subsequent marriage but sees it only as ongoing adultery, that person is saying that Jesus’ blood is unable to cover the sin of adultery caused by divorce and remarriage.

This verse in 1 Corinthians 6:9 shows us the truth: “Or do you not know that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers . . . shall inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you; but you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, and in the Spirit of our God.” Hallelujah! God can and does forgive adultery—any and all adultery! “And Jesus said, ‘Neither do I condemn you; go your way. From now on sin no more’” (John 8:11). Impossible, you say?

When Jesus spoke of it being “easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God” that is certainly impossible to do, His disciples questioned Him: “Then who can be saved?” “And looking upon them Jesus said to them, ‘With men this is impossible,but with God all things are possible’” (Matt. 19:24–26).

But I was told that since my husband was married before (or I was married before) that I am in “continual” adultery.

If we must go beyond His shed blood and His forgiveness by “needing” to “make it right” by no longer being in a second marriage (which, by the way, would constitute a divorce that God says He hates), then a person who stole something would need to “make it right” by returning what he had stolen. That would be fine if the person still had what he took, and if he no longer had the goods or money he certainly could work to pay it back. However, if someone murdered and needed to “make it right,” how could he? The person he murdered is dead. Therefore the “solution” of “making it right” does not work since it is not applicable to all sins.

In addition, it adds “works” to the equation of forgiveness when Titus 3:5 clearly states that it is “not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to His mercy He saved us, by the washing of regeneration, and renewing of the Holy Ghost.”

There are marriage ministries who believe that only those in first marriages are blessed and sanctioned by God (since they themselves were in first marriages). However, they neglect the power of His saving blood that covers all sin. The truth is found in God’s loving-kindness; He is a God of hope for all who will come to Him, no matter how messed up their lives may be.

In addition, God has confirmed His will through the many restored marriages of those who were in second or subsequent marriages. God is not a respecter of persons: He does forgive, and His blood does cover all sins without our having to add works to the equation.

We are no longer under the law, but we live by grace. “For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles in one point, he has become guilty of all” (James 2:10). “But God, being rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in our transgressions, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved) . . . For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God . . .” (Eph. 2:4–5, 8).

A gift is not something you can or should earn; it is freely and lovingly given! Trying to live under the law was a curse, but “Christ redeemed us from the curse of the Law” (Gal. 3:13). Hallelujah!

Most who want to believe that an adulterous marriage is the “unpardonable sin” are the same individuals who are looking at the speck in someone else’s eye but have failed to notice the plank in their own eye. If you are judging someone in this fashion, just remember it will be how God will judge you. “For in the way you judge, you will be judged; and by your standard of measure, it will be measured to you” (Matt. 7:2).

Then is remarriage okay if it’s under the right circumstances?

When anyone sees God’s forgiveness displayed to those who were forgiven of adultery in a second or subsequent marriage, it is very tempting to seek to remarry rather than seeking restoration, especially when it is so very painful.

If you continue to seek what you desire rather than God’s will for your life, you will never experience the abundant life that He has waiting for you.


Should I restore this marriage or go back to my first husband?

His will. After you confess your sin of getting ahead of God by remarrying or marrying someone who was already married, you must lay your will aside and ask your heavenly Father for His will concerning your present marriage. Does the Lord want you to continue to seek restoration for this marriage that is falling apart? Many women have faced this difficult task, but God is always faithful and will guide you if you seek Him. Pray for God’s direction. “The thief comes only to steal, and kill, and destroy; I came that they might have life, and might have it abundantly” (John 10:10).

An adulterous foundation. Is your present marriage the result of an adulterous relationship? Were you or was your husband married to someone else? Is that former spouse presently unmarried? If you answered “yes” to all three of these questions, it is possible that the Lord may want to restore your previous marriage.

Again, it is in seeking the Lord for His will that will bring you the peace that passes all understanding. Surrendering yourself totally to Him, repenting of your sins and being forgiven, being willing to forgive, and then putting your trust in the God who has a wonderful future, a hope, and an abundant life waiting for those whose hearts are completely His—this is what He is asking you to do.

Don’t allow the enemy to put you under condemnation. You will know it is the enemy if you feel “hopelessness” in your spirit. God doesn’t condemn, but instead, convicts us and “gently” equips us to fulfill His desire with the help of His Holy Spirit and by His wonderful grace.


What if my husband has remarried?

When women who were divorced began experiencing their husbands’ marrying the OW, I “thought” I knew the answer based on the plan I had when my husband told me that he was going to marry the OW. God reminded me in Isaiah 55:8–9: “‘For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways,’ declares the Lord. ‘For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts.’”

I had made up my mind (back when my husband was gone) that if he married the other woman, then I believed that God was telling me to devote myself to Him, to my children, and to ministering to younger women—that I was no longer to seek restoration. The first part was true: I was to devote myself the Lord, to my children, and to ministering to women, but the second part to “no longer seek restoration” would have caused me to fall short of His perfect plan.

God is good all the time! It is His desire to give hope to everyone who seeks Him!! God has faithfully revealed His plan for the women whose husbands have remarried through two testimonies of restored marriages that He brought to me when I had been pleading with Him to help me to minister more effectively to this group of women in our fellowship. In the first testimony, God gave a woman (whose husband had remarried) the faith to believe and endure to the end, and she received her husband and family back!

This woman continued to pray and believe even after her husband remarried the OW but soon felt that she may have been crazy to continue to believe since no one agreed with her (which is exactly the way I felt about halfway through my restoration). At her lowest point, she cried out to God, who brought her to Ezra 9 and 10. It was there that she found the hope to continue to believe and endure the final trial when the Lord led her to give her former husband her home and two daughters. Only two weeks later, her husband “broke.” He gave His life to the Lord, divorced his wife, and remarried this believing wife. In addition, he became a minister of God’s Word even though he had been a professional criminal!

At first I was skeptical, but as I began to study the Scriptures in Ezra (that God gave the woman whose husband had remarried), I gained the faith and the scriptural truths to believe that if God restored her marriage, this was available to every woman whose husband had remarried! Here is what I found:

Ezra 10:10–11 says, “Then Ezra the priest stood up and said to them, ‘You have been unfaithful and have married foreign wives adding to the guilt of Israel. Now, therefore, make confession to the Lord God of your fathers, and do His will; and separate yourselves from the peoples of the land and from the foreign wives.”

Then in Ezra 10:14 we read “Let our leaders represent the whole assembly and let all those in our cities who have married foreign wives come at appointed times, together with the elders and judges of each city, until the fierce anger of our God on account of this matter is turned away from us.”

I searched Ezra and looked up the term “foreign” or “strange” wives, which the men were to “put away” or “separate” from in the original translation of Greek. What I saw was that the words “foreign” and “strange” in the King James Version translated to “adulterous.” When I looked up the words “separate” and “put away” from the KJV, they translated to “asunder.” This means that God is saying that if a man is married in an adulterous marriage, and God leads him to, that God tells him to put asunder (or separate) from that marriage. “That means that if a man is married in an adulterous marriage, by God’s leading he may in fact be told to put asunder (or separate from) that marriage.” Chapter 10 of Ezra concludes with this verse: “All these had married foreign wives, and some of them had wives by whom they had children” (Ezra 10:44). If this verse concerns you, remember that when Sarah told Abraham to send Hagar and Abraham’s son away, God told him to listen to her! “But God said to Abraham, ‘Do not be distressed because of the lad and your maid; whatever Sarah tells you, listen to her . . .’” (Gen. 21:12).

God was the one who cared for Hagar and her son Ishmael after Abraham sent her away. “So Abraham rose early in the morning, and took bread and a skin of water and gave them to Hagar, putting them on her shoulder, and gave her the boy, and sent her away. And she departed, and wandered about in the wilderness of Beersheba” (Gen. 21:14). Later, when they were about to perish, God said to Hagar, “Arise, lift up the lad, and hold him by the hand, for I will make a great nation of him” (Gen. 21:18).

After I got the first testimony and studied the verses of Ezra and Genesis with the testimony of Abraham, I again diligently sought God in prayer to make sure that what I believed was correct. A week or two later, God faithfully confirmed His leading when a man submitted to us the testimony of his marriage that was restored after he had been remarried and was led to divorce or “put away” his wife from an adulterous marriage. He came to a place of brokenness when he found himself in prison due to the OW he had married. (You can read both of these testimonies in By the Word of Their Testimony.)

Once again, this shows us that no matter what your situation—married, separated, divorced, husband remarried, first, second, or third marriage—you must seek the Lord about restoration and allow Him to lead you! If your husband has remarried, you have hope! Based on divorce statistics alone, there is only a 15% chance that his marriage will survive. When you add your prayers and faith to that equation, you can easily “hope against hope” and believe! (See Rom. 4:18.)

While you continue to seek the face of God and follow His principles for restoration, God will be busy allowing your husband’s marriage to end in divorce.


Grace, Grace, and More Grace

In closing the second chapter dealing with divorce and the issues of remarriage, it may seem that this chapter contradicts the previous chapter “I Hate Divorce”—but this is not the case any more than the Old Testament contradicts the New Testament. The Old Testament is the Law that God’s people were unable to keep; then, in the New Testament, Jesus enters, His shed blood covers all sin, and grace abounds!

Why teach this way and not stay with “the letter of the Law”? “[It is He] who has qualified us [making us to be fit and worthy and sufficient] as ministers and dispensers of a new covenant [of salvation through Christ], not [ministers] of the letter (of legally written code) but of the Spirit; for the code [of the Law] kills, but the [Holy] Spirit makes alive” (2 Cor. 3:6 AMP).

This chapter reminds us of God’s abundant grace! He is a God of second, third, and many chances! Jesus told us to forgive seventy times seven—how much more is God willing to forgive us and all who sin and come short of the glory of God?

The secret to understanding these chapters is in seeking Him. I do not have all the answers, nor does anyone else, except God! Even Jesus, when the Sadducees asked which husband got the wife who had been passed down through seven brothers (as was their custom when a man died leaving a widow and no children), He did not give them a direct answer but instead corrected them in regard to their understanding of the Scriptures and the power of God! (See Matt. 22:23–33.)

That means that it is up to you to seek God for your restoration for any and all questions that you have and the power of God! Don’t let anyone rob you of an intimate relationship with the Lord or of hearing directly from Him. God has allowed this trial in your life to draw you closer to Him so that you can experience joy in the midst of this trial and every future trial you will experience in your life!

Let us make a commitment to



and encourage all others to do the same!

Personal commitment: to seek the Lord as to whether I am to restore my present (or previous) marriage now or in the future. “Based on what I have learned from God’s Word, I commit to ask God whether or not I am to restore this marriage. I will lay aside my will, wanting only His will, since He is my Lord. I promise to wait for Him to lead me, and in the meantime I will seek a greater intimacy with Him. In addition, I will never judge anyone who is in a second or subsequent marriage but instead acknowledge that the blood of Jesus is able to cover the sin of all adultery.”

If you are ready to make this commitment to GOD, by CLICKING HERE you've agreed, and are ready to document this part of your Restoration Journey in your "My Daily Journal" form.

Also, if you want to be paired with a LIKE-MINDED ePartner after your Rebuilding, be SURE to pour out your heart in EACH Journal.