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RYM: Wk3 Chapter 11 "For I Hate Divorce"

Course 1: RYM LINKS

Day 15, Week 3: RYM Chapter 11

"For I Hate Divorce"


but first Restored Marriage Testimonies

taken from

Restored in Kansas!

My husband came home last October so my testimony is about our restoration. We are getting ready to build our home about fifteen miles from where we live currently. We came across land to bid on that is in the country but close to a small town.

I was getting anxious about the land as the people hadn't contacted us about it for three weeks. Then, I was reading what Erin said about not being anxious and letting God work. I felt at peace and said that if we are meant to have it, we will.

The next day the lady called and said the land was ours! I am so thankful for all that God has done for my family and me, and for all that He continues to do. Thank You!!!

Arizona Restoration!

My husband is home! God orchestrated circumstances to bring it all about. The OW is still in contact. Please agree with me for God's intervention and pray that I can be silent and let God be God!

Georgia Restoration!

Hallelujah to the Lamb of God! My husband returned home Sunday after packing his clothes and moving to his brother's house five weeks ago! He spent many nights with me, including all last week, but he finally brought his clothes home!

I can see the Lord working mightily in my husband's life. Friday night, he asked me to make a list of the things that I wanted to see changed so that he could decide if it would be possible. Among the items on my list were that we pray and read the Bible together daily, develop more hobbies together, and share responsibilities in the home.

After reading my list, he marked each one as impossible. Yet he returned home, indicating that he is willing to try! This from a man who never thought HE had any flaws and who constantly told me that he would never change!

I believe that through prayer, fasting, crying out to the Lord, and remaining faithful to Erin's teachings, the Lord is working in my husband. Yesterday, we put his clothes away and spent several hours thoroughly cleaning house (TOGETHER). Before, it was always my job to do those chores alone.

He has been helpful doing little things in the home without being asked, and he has shown more courtesy to our sons! Even though he said that my list was impossible, he has already begun to change. I give credit entirely to our awesome God through the power of the Holy Spirit!

We haven't begun to pray and read the Word together yet, but I believe the promises of God who said in Philippians 1:6, "Being confident of this very thing, that He which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ."

Restored Marriage in Georgia!

I wanted to share my praise report. My husband left the OW and came home—suddenly!!!! He was out of the house since September and came home in March! He put his wedding band on just tonight and surprised me by showing it to me and saying, "We are going to make it through this." He had not thrown it away during our separation. He knew right where it was!

My husband came home because the relationship with the OW was over and he missed the children. He even says he never stopped loving, thinking about or missing me. Praise God he's home and God will complete what He has started. It sure is easier to keep your mouth shut when you see him only once a week! =) I definitely will sign up for a new ePartner, because I definitely need support during this time. Now, I really have to keep on my toes and in faith, because it seems as if he rises and falls according to the level of faith that I'm walking in.

We are taking it slowly, but God is doing things quickly. I am keeping my spiritual walls up through prayer. While this is a great victory, the war is not over and I'm not going to sit back and let the devil steal what God has brought back from captivity. Fear is under my feet.

I found your website while searching for help dealing with adultery. I was only searching Christian sites but still found garbage, garbage, garbage! I ran into a few articles explaining the truth about divorce and remarriage and then I found your website! Your explanation of “one flesh” and the verses about divorce and remarriage not being an option just because of adultery were what made me keep reading. I'd never heard this teaching before. I had no intention of divorce. I was going to watch God do a miracle. My husband and I have been through a lot in nine years, and I knew if I clung to God and obeyed, He'd lead me to restoration.

You also described what love was—NO ARGUING, NO MATTER WHAT—but agreeing!! And learning about using NO "tough love"—oh, that is what made my husband come home to me when the other relationship went sour!!! He could have stayed living by himself—but he came right home because he had no doubt that I loved him and would take him back—no questions asked or nagging or whining or any of that!!

Because I loved him the way you taught, even though my husband several times mentioned foreclosing, selling the house, giving me 2/3 less money, etc., I agreed with everything he said and NOT ONCE did he give me less than his WHOLE paycheck!!!! He, for seven months, paid for his apartment, truck payment and "entertainment" on side jobs. Not only did he give me his entire paycheck, but also when extras came up he'd pay for those, too—and most of those times, he just saw the need and asked if I needed help. God supplied everything!

Not pursuing my husband was the hardest, since there was never a hate wall up and because he always treated us well (our three boys and me). But I'm learning this one over, too, since he's been home and he needs his space. I just meet his needs and do not pry and wait.

My husband has said that I always treated him well no matter what, and if I did say something not nice, I was very quick to call him and apologize. I never even knew if he was listening when I did that. He'd just say "Yeah, OK, whatever." The OW became sour and contentious and I stayed quiet. Now that he's home it's harder to stay quiet—and I'm having to remind myself of all your teachings on kindness and not being contentious.

I never missed a day of reading the praise reports on your website. When I was down, I could see all the other believers rejoicing over the littlest things and it'd make me look and see all the praises I had to give!

There are so many more awesome details that I could share but I would be up all night typing! God took care of my children and me wonderfully during our time of separation. God had such mercy on my husband and me. For God to forgive me daily when I would mess up and run my mouth is amazing. He was so merciful to forgive and pick me up. DESPITE my failings, God knew my heart and loved me and HE restored my marriage. He doesn't lie!

Thank you for your ministry's support. As I said earlier, there was not a day during my crisis that I did not read the daily praise reports. Those were such a blessing each day to encourage me to never give up and to see the blessings each day in my own life. Thank you for sowing into my life and marriage. May you reap a great reward from the Lord.

I praise God and give Him all the glory for what He's doing in my life and other believers' lives, and what He’s done in your life. I recommend your website and materials to any/every woman who I come across going through an attack in her marriage.

Thank you. You have made a real difference in my life. I knew I was going to do this with God and get the victory, but finding your material really got me going in the right direction from the start, without wasting time asking advice from people and searching for materials that "might" work. You had THE WORD of GOD written out and explained every situation I was facing—and I devoured the Word and went forward and never looked back. Praise God. He is so good!!!

Glory to God!! Restored in Louisiana after Only Twenty-Two Days!

God moved suddenly. I just wanted to give thanks to God for bringing my husband back into my life. After a twenty-two day separation with a divorce filing pending, God gave me another chance. He broke me down and rebuilt me into someone more like Him!

My husband cannot believe the person I have become. And it is all because I found God. I cannot imagine life without Him. Thank you, Erin, for showing me the way to God.

I would like to encourage all women and men who are having trouble in their marriages to find THE LORD first and He will change you and then your husband. There is no other way and even if there was I am so glad I chose His path to restoring my marriage.

My marriage is better now than the first day we got married because I have Jesus in my life showing me the way. I have never been as happy and fulfilled as I am now. I praise God for choosing me to give this blessing to. GLORY TO GOD!

My husband left on Valentine's Day, got an apartment, contacted his lawyer, and phoned to tell me that the paperwork was going to be started. I was in shambles. I didn't know which way to turn or what to do next.

Three days later I started searching the Internet to see what was involved in the divorce process. I stumbled upon a divorce chat room and the first message I got was www.restoreministries.net. I had no idea what it was about.

I was desperate and decided to check it out. I was truly amazed at God's work. I started reading all the testimonies of the restored marriages and decided I can do this. The next day, my husband came to get some things and brought me some boxes that we had in storage.

The first box I opened contained a Bible. I think God was trying to tell me something. The Bible belonged in our house, not put away in storage. I opened it and started reading for the first time in my life. All the answers I was looking for were right there before my eyes!

I ordered Erin's books and immediately started working on them and applying what I had learned. Every day I asked God to send more trials into my life so that I could become a better person. And believe me He did.

I devoted everything to His Word. Almost every day I had some sort of blessing from THE LORD. I could not believe I had lived the first thirty years of my life not knowing God and instead living by the world. I don't know how I made it this far without Him. He was truly calling out to me and I ignored His calling.

Within 22 days of finding God, I found myself being tested every day and I passed the test usually without thinking about it. God is wonderful! He has changed my life completely. I have never been as happy and fulfilled as I am now with God in my life. I let go of my husband, accepted Jesus into my life and asked Him to break and rebuild me into someone more like Him and He did!

When my husband asked to see me, he could not believe I was the same person he had left just a few weeks before. We enjoyed each other's company so much that he invited me over again and again!

My husband and I separated because we could not get along. We would constantly argue over everything. We hardly ever spoke to each other just to avoid arguing. We led completely separate lives and we were not one flesh.

I was probably the most contentious woman you have ever met. I had to be right about everything. God changed me completely. My husband started to see me the way God saw me. I was not the woman he left, but someone completely different. I am now someone he enjoys being around, talking to and laughing with. I have become more like the woman God intended me to be. Every day I change a little more. With every change, I feel so much better about myself. God is amazing!

God stopped the divorce because I was willing to give everything I had to be the woman He desired. I gave up everything to become completely devoted to God. Everything else came along with it.

I saw my husband on Sunday and he was wearing his wedding ring again. GLORY TO GOD!! We are making plans to buy a new home to start a new life together! The only thing different this time is that God will be in the center. I cannot imagine living my life without HIM.

I am so grateful for Restore Ministries and my friend from the chat room who directed me to the website, and I am so grateful that God chose to change me into someone more like HIM. I never felt alone, even when my husband was staying the night at the apartment, because I had God in my life and He will never abandon me.

I encourage all women to reach out to THE LORD and find true happiness with God. There is no other way to be complete. Believe for your marriage; listen to God and He will guide you in the right path. Keep your eyes on Him and everything else will fall into place. Remember, you have to wait for His timing, but it will happen. Have faith in God and all things are possible!

A Thirty-Two-Year-Old Marriage Miraculously Restored!

I want to praise God for all He has done, that He is my Beloved and I am His. Before this trial in our marriage, I never knew God as I know Him now. My husband and I were separated for sixteen months, and he is now home! Joel 2:25 is the truth—God is restoring all that the locusts stole and bringing it back better than it was before!

For 32 years, I was a contentious wife (in modern terms it's called being a feminist or having an equalitarian marriage). I was walking selfishly, always trying to control and get my piece of the pie. God has shown me and forgiven me and continues to mold and change me as I submit to His will for my life.

And what blessings He showers on me when I walk in submission to Him!! Friends, it has been so sweet watching our wonderful restoration unfold, and yet I must continue to be patient and not get ahead of what God wants to do in His timing.

Keeping quiet about my opinion is so hard, but when I do God blesses a million times! God's principles are the Truth, and I see it again and again. My husband has come home even though he is still "clinically depressed" and God continues to heal him.

I am watching every day. When he arrived he said, "I am not in a hurry to see anyone." But then last night, he called my mother, who loves him dearly and has prayed for him every day during the trial. He also gave me permission to tell others that he is home. When I told him of so many who love him he said, "Thank you. It's just that I cannot feel anything so I reject it."

Dear fellow believers, we can never hope to know another's pain! Only God can, but He commands us to love no matter what. So be encouraged, all of you who continue to wait. The pain is great and the wait seems like eternity, but God will be faithful because He promises in His Word that He will be. Cry out to Him because He will supply ALL your needs, even after your husband returns home!!

My husband asked me to divorce him many months ago, and after I responded with a letter saying that I was "letting go," there was a turning!!! God is an awesome God and loves each of us and wants to bless us. Just hold on to Him and watch Him battle for you. May God bless and restore all of your marriages and families!

To answer your questions about how your ministry helped me during this time, I must tell you about my friend's restoration as well. My marriage crumbled before hers by a few months. When I talked to my friend after Christmas she said, "I think we are going to be single together," but I had discovered your ministry and I replied, "No, we aren't!"

Together we ordered the "Be Encouraged" audio tapes, the “Restore” book and the women’s workbook. We prayed, fasted, and studied God's Word together, sometimes praying four or five times a day as her restoration was very, very intense. Mine has been slower. All this time we have been supportive, helpful, and accountable to each other. Your materials pointed us both to God's Word. The tapes were so very helpful. We listened to them again and again, and each time we heard new truths from God's Word as our circumstances unfolded.

We both give God all the glory for what He is doing in our marriages and our families and are humbled by His grace!

Thank you for the sacrifice that you give for this ministry. It is desperately needed as so many (even Christians!) believe that once a husband thinks it is over, nothing can be done, but the Truth of His Word says otherwise. May God bless, protect, and honor you for this work you do in His name!

Another Restoration in Texas!

I had been separated from my husband for almost three years. I would like to thank God and tell all who read the praise reports that my husband returned home!! I was not able to let go of the thought that we would be together again, so I prayed and asked the Lord for guidance.

We were back together in September, but that was short-lived. He left again after only two and a half months. The devil was trying to make him believe that he could not make it without the OW. When he was home in September, she would call and harass us constantly. He now sees that God and God alone is in control of the situation.

Now that he is home, there is such a calm over our household—it is unbelievable. The OW knows my phone number, but not one time has she called!! I know God has us in His hand.

When he came home before, she would call and say some of the most awful things. But glory be to God, for He has removed that obstacle from our lives and we are moving forward. Thank the Lord for all blessings.

One more Restoration in California!

A friend of mine shared Restore Ministries’ website with me on January 3. I was very encouraged by reading the praise reports and added our names to the prayer list for restoring marriages. That very day my husband moved back home and said it was over with the OW! But two weeks after I found out about the OW, he moved out of the house.

In the 21 months since then, he has lived with his brother, had his own apartment and even moved back home for short while. For too long, he actually went back and forth between home and the OW’s apartment! He has now been home for a wonderful 23 days!!!!

I truly believe that God has brought him home to stay this time. We are talking more and making long-term plans for our home; preparing to buy a new bedroom set, etc. He also calls me if he will be home late!!!

I have also been blessed because through it all, my husband continued to spend time with the kids. I believe it is because of this that they have stayed out of trouble and continued to be good students.

I know that our marriage still needs a lot of restoring, but I praise God for the big, huge, giant step of bringing my husband home! I trust God to bring him ALL the way home to Him! I pray that my testimony will encourage others to not give up before receiving their miracle! I praise God for the ways He has worked in my life and in my husband’s life!

Don’t give up! It may be a looong haul, but God can and does restore marriages. I am blessed with a praying friend who has been through the same thing and has encouraged me all along to love as God does.

Restored and Loving Him!

Praise God! Oh how excellent is His name! Bless His holy name! He is so worthy of all the praise! I am so thankful to God that He does hear and answer prayer.

I had been praying for my marriage to be restored. We have been married for 28 years when my husband left me during some serious family problems. He began living with another woman. I was so devastated, but prayerful. I could only stand and pray that God would bring my husband back home.

I knew that God gave him to me and I had no reason to doubt that God was giving us time apart for His own reasons. We needed to have a closer walk with Him. I did and he did! I also had so many faithful prayer partners from all over the USA. They all encouraged me to just continue praying and standing on the Word of God because His Word never changes.

My husband filed for divorce and I didn’t have the money to respond. I just left the courtroom and said, “Well God, this is truly in Your hands.” The papers never went anywhere! Only God! I praised God daily and I began to thank Him for bringing my husband home even before he came home.

God began to give me peace that I knew surpassed all of my understanding. I knew that God had my husband and I just had to do my part through His guidance. I even saw my husband together with the OW. I always asked for God to make me desirable to my husband and let me act accordingly at all times.

I thank God that He did just what He said He would do for me! He told me to trust Him! I did! He did! I thanked God for who He was in my life and I knew that He was so faithful to His Word. I began to read and let it totally get into my very soul.

My time alone with Him can never be replaced. I got an up close and intimate relationship with my Creator, Savior, Provider, Protector and my constant Guide. He is real!! Reading His Word and letting the seeds be planted gave me more strength each day. God let me know to believe, believe and believe.

Each day I thanked God for my husband’s clothes being in the very closet where he had removed them. I thanked Him for my husband’s work truck being in the driveway and for his car being in the garage. I also began to purchase some things that I knew my husband loved and put them in place at home.

I reaffirmed my total trust in God to bring this about in His appointed time. I give all of the glory to God; He brought my husband back home after months of being gone! I could never give up because God continued daily to give me more hope to endure and to pray and to depend on Him only.

I have learned that it is all in God’s timing and not ours. I still thank God for him being home and with the mind of Christ! He loves the Lord! We now study our Sunday school lessons together. God is a good God and He lives within me!

I am able to share my testimony with other women who are now where I used to be. I can tell them with all assuredness that God is faithful to His Word! I tell them that God is on our side, Jesus is praying for us and the angels are encamped ‘round and about us!

Our God is an awesome God! I thank Him everyday for each day that He made and I will rejoice and be glad in it. I pray daily that my life will be a blessing to someone else. God bless you and do not give up! No matter what it looks like, God is in control and He will bring you out! God has a blessing with your name on it! He is blessing me right now! Praise Him!!! Hallelujah!!! I just love Him so much!!!

Restoration after Remarriage!

Thank you Restore Ministries for your faithfulness in following the call of our Lord. You are spreading His message of love and healing to us all. I am praising and thanking the Lord for all He is doing in my life and the life of my husband.

Yesterday was my last day in physical therapy (last year I had both hips replaced), and this coming Monday I go back to work restored in body. The surgery and recovery went wonderfully, and because I was alone, my children came and took care of me. It was a wonderful healing time for our relationships—God restored those relationships and allowed me to share HIM with my children, parents and siblings!

When my husband filed for divorce back in October right before my first surgery, I followed all the things you suggested—no lawyer, no fighting about anything and no signing the papers. What you said was true, my husband continued to support me by paying all the bills, including my car payment! He also made sure that I was covered under his insurance, even though none of that was in the divorce decree!

Although there was no hate wall between us, after our divorce we had almost no contact. The Lord had already prepared me for what my husband had to tell me—that he married the OW because he thought that he was in love with her. However, the Lord had already given me total peace and had readied me for his confession.

Then one day my husband unexpectedly walked in the door! He said he never wanted to leave! Then he told me that they were having big troubles and that he could not believe that he traded the life he had had for the one he had now. We began by having a lot of time to talk and praise God!

I believed that the restoration of our marriage was close at hand even though it looked complicated and impossible, but nothing is impossible for the Lord! Because of what He is doing in my life, I have been able to share with women what the Lord has brought me through. Their marriages, too, are improving with wonderful healings and in their husbands! The message is spreading along with the Lord’s healings. Wow!

We were financially stable and doing well, and now we are at the point of losing everything, but Praise the Lord, it is only stuff!! None of it compares to all the wonderful healings going on around and in me! The Lord has shown me that my security is in Him and I have nothing to worry about no matter what happens. A wonderful peace surrounds me and fills all my waking moments.

I am very grateful for all the Lord has done in my life and the lives of those around me. I am also thankful for my e-partners. My first one’s marriage was restored and the one I have now helps me through her prayers and understanding because she, too, is walking this walk. May the Lord bless her and all of you for being faithful and following His call. Keep believing “for what seems impossible for man is possible for God!” Thank you all again.


— Chapter 11 —

For I Hate Divorce

“For I hate divorce,”

says the Lord, the God of Israel.

—Malachi 2:16


Why are so many marriages ending in divorce? We have all heard the statistics . . . 50% of first marriages end in divorce and 80% of second marriages end in divorce. That means that only 20% of second marriages survive! The real shame is that just as many marriages end in divorce in the church!! Christians now accept divorce as an option! Why the onslaught of failed marriages?

“And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and burst against that house; and yet it did not fall, for it had been founded upon the rock” (Matt. 7:25). Was your house built on the Rock? “And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and burst against that house; and it fell, and great was its fall” (Matt. 7:27).

The Rock we need to build on is the Word of God! How many of us really knew the principles that you have read in this book thus far concerning marriage? Hosea 4:6 tells us that “we are perishing for a lack of knowledge.” This was certainly true for me, and I am sure it is true for you too!

So when our marriage fails, we seek to be released from the marriage only to repeat the mistakes in a second or subsequent marriage. God hates divorce, but when we are in the midst of trouble that’s what we believe will bring us relief. We even try to convince ourselves (and others) that divorce is what God wants for us since He wouldn’t want us to suffer. (Go back to chapter 4, “Various Trials,” if you still believe that this is true.)


The Deception

When we entertain a wrong thought or idea, God tells us: “Each one is tempted when he is carried away and enticed by his own lust. (The definition of lust is a “longing” for what is forbidden, like longing for a divorce when God says, “I hate divorce.”) Then when lust has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and when sin is accomplished, it brings forth death. Do not be deceived, my beloved brethren” (James 1:14–16). It’s sad that so many say that there is nothing wrong with divorce, especially in certain circumstances, even when the destruction it leaves behind is plain to see.

We must obey God rather than man. Everyone has his or her own opinion concerning marriage and divorce (what he or she “thinks” God tells us pertaining to marriage in His Word). “We must obey God rather than man” (Acts 5:29).

He is our only hope for salvation. Don’t follow what another person says. Instead, follow God; obey Him, for He is our only hope for salvation. Don’t complicate His Word by trying to find “what you think He means.” He means exactly what He says!

I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ. Please stand by God’s teachings regardless of what is popular or how many people in your church have divorced and/or remarried. “I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes” (Rom. 1:16).

Please understand that if marriages are to be saved, we must stand on truth! Those second marriages that “seem” happy are in fact living in defeat, not a testimony of God’s faithfulness. They continue to cause many others to suffer or live at less than God’s best, especially the children who suffer the most! They cause many to stumble who are experiencing difficulty in their marriages. It is very tempting to want to find a second husband when many profess that they found happiness in their second marriage after they finally got rid of their first husband!

With gentleness correcting those who are in opposition. Please do not debate the issue of divorce. Each person is only responsible to speak, teach, and live the truth. The Holy Spirit will do the convicting, and the Lord will turn the heart. “But refuse foolish and ignorant speculations, knowing that they produce quarrels” (2 Tim. 2:23).

“And the Lord’s bond servant must not be quarrelsome, but be kind to all, able to teach, patient when wronged, with gentleness correcting those who are in opposition, if perhaps God may grant them repentance leading to the knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, having been held captive by him to do his will” (2 Tim. 2:24–26).

The tree is known by its fruit. We can see the “fruits” of many of those in church leadership—those who have allowed the widespread abuse of “exceptions” for divorce. We have seen that it began with the loophole of “unfaithfulness or adultery” and has led to divorce for practically any reason! It parallels what has happened with the abortion issue . . . rape, incest, and the health of the mother now account for less than 1% of all abortions performed! “You will know them by their fruits” (Matt. 7:16). “Either make the tree good, and its fruit good; or make the tree bad, and its fruit bad; for the tree is known by its fruit” (Matt. 12:33). We can clearly see the bad fruit that has been produced by compromising God’s Word—broken marriages and broken vows.


The Questions

Why must we fully understand and follow God’s Law concerning marriage?

Families are being destroyed, and without the family, the foundation on which our country stands will be removed, and great will be our fall! We, as Christians, will be to blame. We cannot point the finger at others because God promises us as believers that if “My people who are called by My name will humble themselves and pray and seek My face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, will forgive their sin, and will heal their land” (2 Chron. 7:14).

Yet, Christian marriages are perishing at the same rate of destruction as those in the world. Why? “My people perish for a lack of knowledge” (Hos. 4:6). Christians have been deceived and are following the world’s ways rather than God’s ways.

How can we know that we are being deceived about marriage and divorce?

Turning aside to myths. Many of those who sit in the church pews don’t want to hear the truth. “For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine; but wanting to have their ears tickled, they will accumulate for themselves teachers in accordance to their own desires and will turn away their ears from the truth, and will turn aside to myths” (2 Tim. 4:3–4).

We now seek worldly solutions for troubled or wounded marriages rather than seeking the Lord and His Word. “But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a peculiar people” (1 Pet. 2:9). We are not a “peculiar people” if we just follow the beaten path that leads to the divorce court!

You may not do the things you please. His Word is always consistent; God’s Word is opposed to the world’s philosophies and sometimes are difficult to understand and follow. “But a natural man does not accept the things of the Spirit of God; they are foolishness to him, and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually appraised” (1 Cor. 2:14). “But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not carry out the desire of the flesh . . . so you may not do the things that you please” (Gal. 5:17).

Bad fruit. Again, we can easily see “the fruits” of all the Christian marriages that have been destroyed because they believed the lies. “You will know them by their fruits. Grapes are not gathered from thorn bushes, nor figs from thistles, are they? Even so, every good tree bears good fruit; but the bad tree bears bad fruit” (Matt. 7:15–17).


Scriptural Facts to Stand On

Let’s search more Scriptures to see how God views marriage.

Marriage is for life. We say the vows until death do we part. “Consequently they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate” (Matt. 19:6). “AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH; consequently they are no longer two, but one flesh” (Mark 10:8).

God says that He hates divorce! Yet, some women are actually convinced that God led them to get a divorce! Some have said that God has “released me.” He says, “For I hate divorce says the Lord” (Mal. 2:16). He never changes: “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today, yes and forever” (Heb. 13:8).

You are not the exception: “I most certainly understand that God is not One to show partiality” (Acts 10:34).

Remarriage is not an “option”—the Bible says it’s “adultery”! “. . . But I say [Jesus Himself says] to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except for the cause of unchastity, makes her commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery” (Matt. 5:32).

“And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality (fornication, KJV), and marries another woman commits adultery” (Matt. 19:9).

Commits adultery. “And He [Jesus again] said to them, ‘Whoever divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her . . .’” (Mark 10:11). “Everyone who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery; and he who marries one who is divorced from a husband commits adultery” (Luke 16:18).

If her husband dies. “So then if, while her husband is living, she is joined to another man, she shall be called an adulteress; but if her husband dies,she is free from the law, so that she is not an adulteress, though she is joined to another man” (Rom. 7:3).

Lacking sense. “The one who commits adultery with a woman is lacking sense; he who would destroy himself does it” (Prov. 6:32). “If there is a man who commits adultery with another man’s wife, one who commits adultery with his friend’s wife, the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death” (Lev. 20:10).


What about the “exception” clause?

Again, very few divorces in the church are for the reason of adultery, even if that were the correct “exception.” When I was counseled by pastors who told me that I had grounds for divorce because my husband was in adultery, I sought to find out the truth. What I found was that in many Bible translations the words “adultery,” “fornication,” and “moral impurities” were used interchangeably as though they were the same words—but I found they are not the same words! The word “adultery” (Strong’s Concordance in the Greek or original language is 3429 Moichao) means an act of intimacy after marriage. The word “fornication” (Strong’s 4202) means an act of intimacy before marriage. Therefore these are two separate sins and should not be confused.

So when the Bible says in Matthew 19:9, “And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery,” this exception meant that a man could divorce his wife if, before they were married, she was found to have been immoral or committed fornication—as was the case with Joseph when the Bible said he contemplated divorcing Mary secretly (Matt. 1:19). It is not saying that if you find that your husband has committed adultery, which is intimacy after marriage, that you can divorce your husband.

With this information, we could rewrite the verse in Matthew with the correct translation to say: “. . . But I [Jesus] say that everyone who divorces his wife makes her commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.” Only when a woman was found on or before her wedding day not to be a virgin—only then could the husband divorce his wife. Again, Moses only allowed men to divorce: “Because of your hardness of heart, Moses permitted you to divorce your wives; but from the beginning it has not been this way” (Matt. 19:8).

In other words, no, you cannot divorce your husband for any reason.

Be careful when you say, “God told you!” “Behold, I am against those who use their tongues and declare ‘The Lord declares.’ Behold, I am against those who have prophesied false dreams, declares the Lord, and related them and led my people astray by their falsehoods and reckless boasting” (Jer. 23:31–32). “For I hate divorce, says the Lord.” (Mal. 2:16). God never tells us to go against His Word! He never changes! Never!!

You also must be very careful what you say about divorce or remarriage since it could lead another person to stumble and divorce or remarry: “Woe to the world because of its stumbling blocks! For it is inevitable that stumbling blocks come; but woe to that man through whom the stumbling block comes! . . . It is better for him that a heavy millstone be hung around his neck, and that he be drowned in the depth of the sea” (Matt. 18:7, 6).

Many have been deceived. If you believe that God wants the divorce, you have been deceived. “And no wonder, for even Satan disguises himself as an angel of light” (2 Cor. 11:14).

Flesh reaps corruption. “For the one who sows to his own flesh shall from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit shall from the Spirit reap eternal life” (Gal. 6:8). Check to see how “driven” you are before you go step out in faith. Fleshly desires feel good to the flesh; if you have an “urgency” behind it, you need no grace to carry it out. “For the flesh sets its desire against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; for these are in opposition to one another, so that you may not do the things that you please” (Gal. 5:17).

God and only God! What knowledge has been gained from seeing so many broken and troubled marriages? God and only God can save and keep a marriage together by your obedience to His Word!! You have to know His Word before you can begin to obey it. “My people perish for a lack of knowledge” (Hos. 4:6). That’s why you must read this over and over and over again! That’s why you must meditate on His Word. That’s why you must feed on His Word not just every day, but all day long!


If You Love Me

In closing, “If anyone advocates a different doctrine and does not agree with sound words, those of our Lord Jesus Christ, and with the doctrine conforming to godliness, he is conceited and understands nothing; but has a morbid interest in controversial questions and disputes about words, out of which arise envy, strife, abusive language, evil suspicions, and constant friction between men of truth” (1 Tim. 6:3–5).

“If you love Me, you will keep My commandments” (John 14:15). If you say you believe God, then obey Him. “Why do you call me Lord and not do what I say?” (Luke 6:46). If you have decided to ask Jesus for your salvation but are not following His teachings, then He is not your Lord and Master. If He is your Lord, then be sure that you act like it. Obey Him!

Let us make a personal commitment to


and encourage all we meet or talk with to do the same.

Personal commitment: to remain married and encourage others to do the same. “Based on what I have learned from God’s Word, I recommit myself to my marriage. I will humble myself when necessary and take all steps as a ‘peacemaker’ in my marriage. I will not cover my transgressions nor cause another to stumble. I will devote my lips to spreading God’s truth on marriage in a gentle and quiet manner.”

If you are ready to make this commitment to GOD, by CLICKING HERE you've agreed, and are ready to document this part of your Restoration Journey in your "My Daily Journal" form.

Also, if you want to be paired with a LIKE-MINDED ePartner after your Rebuilding, be SURE to pour out your heart in EACH Journal.