Sex; Where Does it Live?

May 2012               

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                Dictionary meaning of Fantasy; Imagination—illusion or “a product of the imagination.” To fantasize is to imagine day or night dreams. But where in the human body does sex live? Is it between your legs? In your bra, if you wear one? In your mind? Or all of these? How does something so intangible as an uncontrollable “urge” rule your life? Where in your body does that urge live?

                All creatures are controlled by urges and instincts. A spider is born knowing just how to create the complicated geometric pattern we call a web. Can you imagine having to teach a baby spider how to build a web? “Go this way, now anchor it here, then go back over there, no, this way!” Can you imagine having to teach a duck to fly south? They just jump up into the air and go and they somehow know when they arrive there. “Oh, I'm here now” they must think. They know where they are and they know when they get there, without any previous instruction.

                Let me share a human analogy, using myself as example of knowing what to do with an "urge" and where to go with it. My first memories of an urge I didn't understand and couldn't control was sex. I didn't know what sex was but masturbation was fun and I did it a lot. Searching for a better way then just my hand, I fashioned a “receptacle” for my penis out of a toilet paper tube and stuffed it with soft cotton. It didn't work very well. The epiphany is I had no concept of a vagina, but what my instinct fashioned was round and soft. A toilet paper roll vagina. I was in the 7th or 8th grade.

                Another urge I didn't understand was wanting to see and feel girls breasts. I can remember three of us boys crowded the only girl in class with emerging breasts into a corner of the coat room and well, we just felt her up. I thought they were wonderful and so soft. Her name was Loretta. I hope she doesn't remember mine. She didn't tell on us and I think she enjoyed the attention. After all, she was the only girl in class with tits.

                All of us kids were “victims” of urges we couldn't control and didn't understand. “Raging hormones” they called it. Suffice it to say, that when the first opportunity to enter a real vagina came along, both the girl and I knew just what to do without any previous instruction. That's instinct. Creatures are instinct driven, to procreate. Animals don't understand their urges but must comply. Thus the species survives.

                As for humans, the instinct doesn't care whether you are married or not, in a committed relationship for not, in love or not. Humans are driven to fuck. The species will survive. That's instinct.

                The females breasts are a very complicated issue in this instinct and urges essay, because the women who have them and the men who covet them are driven by such different urges. To be fair to men, who are usually seen as "lecherous" when it comes to boobs, when a boy is born, the first thing stuck in his mouth is a tit. And frankly, boys never get over it! Modern mans obsession with boobs, ie, 'let me see them, let me feel them' is instinct. Don't blame men, blame instinct!

                Breasts offer a complicated series of emotions to a man. Breasts are comforting, soft to lay your head on, nurturing and mothering and at the same time sexually desirable, enticing, erotic and ultimately irresistible. Thus a woman has achieved a certain control over a man with out really trying, just by being a woman. And a man is merely responding to the urges he can't control and still doesn't understand. "Let me feel your boobs." The duck is about to fly South.

                I think women better control their instincts. They know if they want to attract a men, they have to dress attractively, ie, show plenty of cleavage. Cleavage is the top half of the breasts just above the nipple and  when they know men want to see it all, they wear tight pants or a dress that shows panty line. Men love to see what underwear a girl is wearing...or not wearing.

                When a woman is not seeking male attention, make-up goes, hair is askew, baggy clothes conceal the body, skinny jeans are gone. All visual cues are turned off. The flowers are closed for business. The bees are no longer welcome.

                Yet women are also controlled by instincts and urges they can not understand. How else do you explain a woman, laying on her back, legs spread, letting a man invade her vagina, with sex toys, fingers, a tongue and ultimately the penis and obeying the female urge to submit and receive the man. It is instinct. At a certain point she must obey that instinct. Children must be born. The duck must fly South.

                By now I think we can agree that sex and these complicated instincts live in the mind because with out the mind, everything else stops. But as brilliantly as the mind is wired, it is also easily fooled. Truth is, the mind permanently records all events but doesn't know the difference between the live sex you had with your girlfriend last week, last month or last year and the image of her in your mind as you masturbate. Is it live or is it memorsex?

                In a study once, scientists wired up some track stars with heart and pulse monitors as a filmed race unfolded. Next they were told to re-run the race but only in their minds. The monitors showed the exact same results as the “real” race. But which race was real? The mind doesn't know. Is your sex partner real or a re-run? The mind can't tell and you can re-run it any time you like, for your fantasy viewing pleasure, with fantasy.

                Just as the mind records the good things, it also records the bad. That is what makes post traumatic stress disorder possible! Good memories, bad memories, the mind records them all. So if you are watching an adult movie, (I hate the word pornography because I don't know what is means) you are not having sex with the girl on the film, you are having sex with the girl in your mind because the girl in the film really isn't there! See how instinct controls you. Urges arise as you watch a movie. Isn't that incredible?

            Criminal sex with kids aside, is sex what consenting adults do behind closed doors pornography or instinctual? Is caressing, kissing, stroking, sucking, licking, learning that the best lubricant is saliva, (something the animals already know) is that pornography or just what normal adults following their God given instincts do?

            I'm voting for normal because instinct is normal. Besides I don't even have a porno-graph. Do you?? No?? Well it is all in the mind!

By Don DuPay