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Coping with Loss of Relationships


The loss of any type of relationship can be something that is hard to cope with.

    Some people put ridiculous amounts of time and energy into relationships, including myself. I put a lot of effort into relationships if it's with someone I really value, as do many people. But the reality is, many relationships do not last long in this life. That boyfriend you had freshman year of high school? You guys probably don’t stand a chance. The friends you went into high school with? Your friendship, 90% of the time, will end before you graduate. We are constantly growing and changing, especially at this stage in our lives. People grow apart. That never changes, even the friends and partners you have as an adult might not last that long.

    Even though the loss of relationships is so common, it hurts all the same. Losing someone you’re close to can literally cause you physical pain. A broken heart might be one of the worst feelings I’ve ever experienced, and it’s universal. Everyone goes through it at some point, and you’re lucky if it's later in life.

    So how do we cope with the loss of a relationship that’s important to us?

    Everyone does it differently. Some people can move on pretty quickly, and others need time. Being constantly reminded of a painful situation can take a toll on your mental and physical well being. You might need to cry it out, you might need to break a bunch of shit and put your fist through a wall. You can talk it out, or process it in silence of you need to.
    When something like this happens, I believe everyone looks for someone to relate to what they’re going through. It can be a great comfort, knowing you’re not the only one, and you definitely aren't.

    I interviewed two different people on how they personally cope with the loss of a relationship they care about.


    "I guess I like to preoccupy myself, I’ll find something that I really like doing… Maybe something I’m already doing. Working out, drawing, playing music. I’ll focus all my energy and emotion into that and it usually works out pretty well. It obviously won’t fix everything but it makes it easier over time, it’s a safe and positive outlet for emotions.

    I kind of just go into auto-pilot, and let the problem wither away. I feel like mourning is good in a lot of situations, because it gives purpose to a relationship, and it gives you time to think about yourself and think about everything that happened. But for me, I kind of just snap out of it.”


    “I write about it in my journal. That's the only thing I can really think of, I’ll just write a bunch about it. I try to take a couple of days and let myself wallow in it and just be super sad… Watch Twilight over and over again and make my mom get me ice cream. I’ll also have my friends come over and surround myself with people who I love and make me feel better, so I can remind myself that my whole life doesn’t just depend on one person.

    You have to go through all the motions: denial, sadness, anger, bargaining, until you can finally feel better and say that you’re truly okay.”

    The most important point from this is that your life does not, and should never, depend on one person, unless it’s yourself. It’s very likely that you might feel lost without this person. You may feel like your life isn’t complete without them. But what you can’t see in the beginning is that you will learn to live without them. And in time, you might even realize that your life is better when they aren’t a part of it.

    Personally, I take most relationships ending pretty hard; if I choose to surround myself with a person it probably means I feel an important connection with them. I’m not the type of person to hang around people who don’t mean much to me.

    The way I cope with losing someone in my life is a long process, but I feel like it’s always necessary. I’ll cry it out, rant about it, and wallow in sadness over it for days. Beyond that, depending on how important it was to me, I might be very upset about it in my day-to-day life, but I always reach a point of reflection. I’ll sit down with my thoughts and really think about how that person affected me, and the things they gave me to help me grow as a person. I also look at the bad things they caused, and how my life might be better and less stressful without them. Good and bad comes out of every situation.

    So, next time you go through a situation where you lose someone in your life, think about the positive. Optimism is a hard thing to stick to, but it does benefit you in the long run. Focus on your goals. Focus on yourself, the things you love, and the people that make you happy.