My Coming Out Story
By Paul Cecala, October 1, 2021
October 11th is National LGBTQ+ Coming Out Day...
...and is a day to celebrate the freedom to be fully me. For nearly 35 years of my life and 15 years of my early career I felt confined by this big secret of my “atypical” sexuality – of being a gay man. When I was finally able to be open about my life and love with my family and friends and then my coworkers it was incredibly freeing … even liberating.
Imagine having to lie about or hide who your friends and romantic involvements are to co-workers, friends and even family. Think about how suffocating it is to not be able to freely share how and with whom you will be spending the weekend, celebrating birthdays, attending special events.
How It Once Was:
For years at work my boyfriends were discussed as “girlfriends” and my husband (Dan) was “Danielle” (pictured on the left). When going to weddings or other “plus one” events I either went alone or had a female friend go with me. Then I would have to explain why she and I were not yet married or engaged. And more than one of those female friends wanted to be more than platonic so taking them to these events was unfair to their understanding of our relationship.
I felt I was living a fabricated compartmentalized life as to never let the various parts of my personal world intersect with my professional and public image due to the stigma. For many years, I never introduced my friends and boyfriends to my family for my fear that they would learn of my sexuality. Coworkers were never invited to my social events, and I always went to the company picnic and networking cocktail parties alone.
I ultimately lost 2 jobs in quick succession, fell into a deep depression and nearly lost my relationship because I felt it too dangerous ... to live an authentic life.
My Coming Out:
When I finally did start to share my truth slowly and methodically with close friends, followed by family, I had to keep track of who knew what and who I could trust to keep my secret. It was incredibly overwhelming and all-consuming. I ultimately lost 2 jobs in quick succession, fell into a deep depression and nearly lost my relationship because I felt it too dangerous physically, emotionally, and mentally to live an authentic life.
Fortunately, I have many strong close personal relationships that have gotten me to the happy and fulfilled person I am today - not the least of which is with my husband, as well as the help of a good psychotherapist. The more people I told of my truth, the more comfortable I became with living an authentic life. Plus, as I matured and grew, so did the world around me – for my betterment.
But as time has marched on and LGBTQ+ rights have advanced, so has the greater society’s acceptance and understanding of inclusion, equity, and diversity. Today, I can freely speak about my husband in an open public forum such as this. I never expected in my lifetime to be legally married to man (15 years married, 25 years together) nor that we would be able to foster and adopt an amazing teenager. With all these life changes, I am now also able to start and grow a thriving career coaching small business. And talk about all this without concerns of losing business in the process!
Giving Back Today:
While I am finally able to live my truth in today’s world, I hear similar stories of fear and isolation from many in the transgender community. Even members of the lesbian and gay communities causing some of the discrimination and contributing to the isolation because they … we do not understand or have not taken the time to learn more about the B and T in LGBTQ+. I want to help make tomorrow’s world, one even more accepting of the entire LGBTQ+ Community, especially for those who today are in the same place I was so many years ago.
So today, as a way of giving back to the LGBTQ+ Community I am also initiating a new product for my business. I am forming an LGBTQ+ strategic job seekers support group called OUTstanding Careers Group™. At no cost, participants can come to a safe space to share their experiences and work on creating an effective action-based, goal-oriented job search where they and their job seeking peers help each other find success in their careers.
Reach out to me at my website to learn more about Cecala Career Consultants or to join the OUTstanding Careers Group™, an LGBT+/Inclusivity, Equity, and Diversity strategic job seekers support group.
About the Author:
Paul Cecala, a certified career coach, is a principal at Cecala Career Consultants with decades of experience as a career coach helping individuals with finding career success. He has taught over 500 seminars and workshops on conducting successful job searches. Mr. Cecala can be reached at pcecala@cecalacareer.com . Follow him at: https://www.linkedin.com/company/cecala-career-consultants.
Paul Cecala can help you navigate to your success. Learn more about his services here.
