Limericks by Daphnea Shortfellow

'tis Friday once more at the dragon

And I have had quite a few flagons

And now it's my time

To regale you with rhyme

Before I fall right off the wagon

'Tis Friday again so it's time

To regale you once more with my rhyme

If you don't like this verse

It could be so much worse

Just be thankful that I'm not a mime.

Some people regale you with song

Or with poems that go on and on

but to some folk's relief

I keep all mine brief

Or else I will get the words wrong

A dwarf once got stuck in a keg

"Please help me" he started to beg

We levered him out

But on tapping the stout

We found that it tasted of egg

Now this is a cautionary tale

Of the danger of too much fine ale

You'll soon be unable

To dance on the table

And you'll trip right over the rail

I once knew a young lad from Stock

Who had a magnificent...

Flock. Of chickens that is.

If you like leg or breast

His birds were the best

But 'twas nothing compared to his...

Shock. At finding out I wrote a poem about him.

I got such an awful stage fright

At the thought that my audience might bite

Or that you might heckle

The hobbit with freckles

But it turned out alright on the night

I knew a young hobbit from Staddle

Who's frame was quite broad in the saddle

Well I took a chance

When I asked him to dance

But the best he could do was a waddle

Some poems are easy to start

When I write of things close to my heart

This one's not about ale

Or a handsome young male

This rhyme is about strawberry tart

There was a lad from Needlehole

Who before breakfast went out for a stroll

Well the lad he did grumble

and his stomach did rumble

Cos he forgot to pack even a roll

Late last Friday a bard with no name

played songs that put us all to shame

If he is here tonight

It would be such delight

If he would just play them again

When I was last in Rushock Bog

I was asked for a kiss by a frog

I said I'm not convinced

That you're really a Prince

He said "No I just fancy a snog"

I'm a lass who's partial to a brew

I'll drink ale, stout and sometimes mead too

But sometimes I think

You need more than drink

So I always leave room for some stew

A hobbit lad once caught my eye

Who could bake the most fabulous pie

With a crust oh so deep

Served with taters and 'neaps

It's a shame it went straight to my thighs

For cooking that's truly world class

And a figure that none can surpass

With the best dancing feet

You really can't beat

A genuine Shire bred hobbit lass

This poem I wrote for miss Lina

As of biscuits she couldn't be keener

If you offer her some

She won't leave a crumb

And no-one will leave your plate cleaner

Well I've been to Bucklebury ferry

And the quarry that's over in Scary

But I've never met

A more welcoming set

Than those fine folks that live in Bramblebury

There's a hobbit who's known as Sapphyre

Who takes the best seat by the fire

And I really must say

If she don't get her way

She's the scariest thing in the Shire

I warn you now lest you forget

A hedgehog's a dangerous pet

For if a hobbit's feet

And a hedgehog's spines meet

It's something you'll really regret

I'm glad that I did my research

so I didn't get left in the lurch

For the Dragon is bare

With no folk any where

As everyone's come to the Perch

Now I don't want you all to rib her

But I can't find rhymes for Miss Tibba

It took me four weeks

To be ready to speak

Cause I make an atrocious ad-libber

Now before I return to the crowd

One last thing I must say aloud

Your appreciative cheers

And occasional jeers

Have made this young hobbit quite proud.

Some information about the artist:

Daphnea was born and raised in Staddle, though her dad was originally

from the Shire but left after a family feud scattered the Shortfellow

family to the four farthings and beyond. She grew up on her dad's farm

but recently came back to the Shire because the Bree Land is no longer

a safe place for a young lass. She lives on her own in Henbury and

when not writing limericks she makes rugs and carpets to sell in the

market. She is single and on the look out for a lad who knows how to

dance and grow a good vegetable garden and preferably has a name that

is easy to rhyme with. Her favourite pie filling is mushroom.