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When is it Unhealthy?


A healthy relationships begins to turn into an unhealthy relationship when a struggle for power and control arises. This happens when one partner thinks they have the right to control the other within the relationship, resulting in the attempt to control the other partner. The partner may feel that he/she knows best or that an unequal relationship is ideal, and he/she is entitled to “wear the pants.” This behavior often leads to abuse, either physical or emotional. Abuse does not spontaneously come about, it is learned. They learn their behavior from movies, parents, or their culture. They do not realize the negative implications of abuse or do not want to realize them. Abuse is always a choice. 

Relationships QUIZ: Are you in an unhealthy relationship?

Take this quiz to find out. Answer "yes" or "no" to the following questions on a sheet of paper.

1. Do you feel afraid to speak your mind, express how you feel or ask for something you need?
2. Does your partner tell you are "stupid", "crazy", or "inadequate" when you disagree?
3. Does your partner make fun of your ideas or opinions?
4. Is your partner bossy and/or try to control every detail in your relationship?
5. Is your partner extremely demanding and jealous?
6. Do you often feel guilty and second-guess your choices in friends, social activities, jobs, etc. because of your partner's negative comments about these choices?
7. Are you afraid of your partner's temper, feel like you walk on eggshells, and/or are constantly monitoring what you say and do as an attempt to avoid making him/her angry?
8. Do you find yourself making excuses for your partner and justifying his/her actions to others?
9. Do you feel more "free" to be yourself when he/she isn't around?
10. Does your partner throw or break things when angry?
11. Does your partner try to control where you go and what you do?
12. Does your partner pressure you to engage in sexual activities that you are uncomfortable with and put you down if you refuse?
13. Does your partner threaten to kill or hurt him/herself if you have a differing opinion, try to end the relationship, or do something they disapprove of?
14. Does your partner try to make you feel guilty for having a "life" (i.e. friends, interests) apart from the relationship?
15. Does your partner criticize your family and friends and ask you to stop seeing them?
16. Do you feel that you have changed, lost touch with who you are, or become someone else in order to be with your partner?
17. Have your friends or family expressed concern about your relationship and/or your well-being?
18. Does your partner know how to make you feel bad (i.e., what buttons to push) and use it often to hurt you?
19. Have you lost touch with your friends, and only hang out with your partner's friends?
20. Does your partner try to control you with anger and guilt, or lash out when you don't do exactly what he or she wants?
21. Has your partner ever hit, slapped, punched, shoved, grabbed or shook you?
22. Has your partner ever threatened to hurt you, take important things away, or leave you?
23. Has your partner ever called you names, put you down, insulted you, and/or embarrassed you in front of others?
24. Do you feel like you never get anywhere when you try to communicate?
25. Do you spend large amounts of time preoccupied with what you've said or how it's interpreted?

**If you answered "yes" to 3 or more questions you are experiencing dangerous signs of relationship abuse. It may be time to seek out help.

ALSO REMEMBER-YOU ARE NOT ALONE.  

Unfortunately, somewhere between ¼ and ½ of all young adult relationships involve some form of abuse—whether it be physical, emotional, verbal, sexual or psychological. Oftentimes, destructive relationship dynamics appear slowly over time and you do not realize you are being controlled and manipulated until you are deeply involved in the relationship. You may feel confused and scared about what is going on, but you need to deal with it because the abuse will likely get worse over time. Please find help and support for yourself. 

More Resources
Also check out www.loveisrespect.org for further information on unhealthy relationships and another unhealthy relationship quiz if you need further aid. 

http://www.hhs.gov/opa/familylife/tech_assistance/etraining/partner/healthy/index.html has great tips on how to determine
if your relationship is unhealthy.

To help someone who you think is in an unhealthy relationship, this Link can aid you in addressing it.