Have You Ever

I.


Felt numb to the world,

Looked inside yourself and saw nothing,

Found an empty hole where your soul should be,

Failed to feel emotions while everyone else moved on.

Resorted to going out in the cold without a jacket just to feel     alive,

Gasped as the cold air fills your lungs, making it harder to     breath.

Ached as the frost bypasses the skin to your bones with every     minute outside

Brought your body to an unshakeable shiver, almost collapsing in     the middle of the street

Retreated to the inside with no hope of reliving the same     sensations in the warmth

Knew that the urge to do it again would return

With every time after staying out

a little longer

with less clothing and

slowly losing the willpower to save yourself

Wondered when will be the last time you leave

And never come back.


II.


Noticed the water ripples in a leaf-filled pond.

Watched as two sets collide, forming a vibrating pattern.

Looked at the leaves floating, unaffected.

Wished you could be like those leaves,

Drifting on,

Moving forward,

With no collateral damage.

Realized that the ripples never change,

Just the debris caught in the waves


III.

 

Walked in an open field in the middle of the night to just get     away.

Found comfort in the darkness.

Felt the chilling breeze give you goosebumps,

Breathed while the hairs on your body reach out to the stars.

Wondered if they are trying to touch them, leaving you and your     skin behind.

Understood their motivation to escape, the grass beneath your     feet cold and hard.

Gazed up into the speckled atmosphere full of dancing lights.

Wished to lift off and float among the celestial beings of the night.

Stretched your arms towards the sky so far that your muscles     tense

On the brink of breaking

Every strain and tug bringing you closer

But never close enough

Released your limbs at the last minute with a disappointed sigh.

Laid down in a patch of the field for a better view of the sky,

Shivered as the earth caressed your back in a frigid embrace,     reassured you as if it

Noticed you’re longing for ethereal warmth in a gravity-    restricted plane of existence.

Blinked rapidly while the scent of pollen floods your eyes, tears     blur your vision.

Why are you crying?

You know why.

You just need to look up. 



Hannah Carlson is a Junior English major hoping to be a poet in the near future. An active member of the book club at Arcadia, Knight Tales. A geek at heart that spends her free time reading, playing Magic The Gathering with friends and binge watching Netflix.

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