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Dear Melissa,
My wife is from overseas from ex Russia, Lithuania, and she, age 25, had a child at 17, soon divorced, and at 19 she came here in 2000 and we married in 2001, so for three years, she basicially works as much as she can as a cleaner for wealthy people and sends money for her child’s welfare back in Lithuania.
Initially she was going to bring her child here but somehow has doubts now and says she doesn’t know what she wants. She’s been back to visit Eastern Europe twice, but this time things are different. She’s been home now with me for 5 months and we dont have sex or intimacy, but we live in the same flat and share the same bed and do everything non sexual. Although she lets me get somewhat close in bed, she’s mentioned that she doesn’t know if she wants to stay in Australia anymore, and that she doesn’t care about me and she didn’t miss me when she went back home, she’s not happy in general. I also told her that I’m not going to cry, that I gave her life by sponsering her as a mail order bride, and not using that as a bargaining tool (even though so many men do who also have mail order brides)… I also told her that I was never bad and always there for her, as for the time we are married, I drove her to and from work and this is convienient for her…
My question is: Am I being too nice, too convienient, too accomodative? Even though she is my wife (you see we were in love once and I can still love her) I told her (now that basically the honey moon is over) that she is torn between her daughter and family overseas, and living in Australia with only me and that she can’t be happy with anyone let alone me while she’s in the middle like this, and all she does is work — from the first day of our marriage she went to work.
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How can she be happy if all she does is this and stress about her daughter knowing that she (my wife) married again (being a mail order bride, she thinks her daughter will think she is a prostitute) I also told her that she’s ddpressed and put a bit of puppy fat on and smokes as a result, I told her that she should stop depending on things like food and smoking and anything else outside of herself for ultimate happiness — she says she feels little for men and is devoted to her daughter. She has a wonderful heart very sweet and attractive and would welcome yours or any advice that may help. I’m 38 and want to keep this rough diamond although I told her that I can get another [mail order bride] to replace her if we went our seperate ways and that I never had children before and am not restricted. Do you think I should chase other girls as she controls the sex and intimacy? I hope that there’s some advice or warnings that I need.
Sincerely,
E.
Melissa answers:
Dear E.:
Both you and your wife are in a very tough situation. I must be very frank, you aren’t in a real marriage. A real marriage is one where both parties come together equally, not where one party is getting into the marriage with the idea of economic possibility and political freedom as a big part of the prize. While most mail order brides surely are decent people at heart, unfortunately this doesn’t foster the true love and passion that exists (should exist) going into a real marriage.
I think you need to respect the wishes of your wife and let her go. Men keep bringing women over as mail order brides from other countries thinking they’re going to be less “complicated” and less “jaded”, more “grateful” etc. etc. than dealing with women in the U.S., Canada, Australia and England. Guess what? It’s not true. Women are women, and we are complex individuals with our own needs and wants. As you have found out it may seem “easier” in the beginning to bring over a foreign bride, but in the long run it usually ends up to be a nightmare.
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You need to stop trying to sleep with your wife and move into a different bedroom or the couch. You need to agree on an amount of time you will still be together before she moves back home and you get divorced, don’t make it too long as it isn’t fair to you, but at the same time it isn’t cool for you to start seeing other women and rub it in her face. I’m sure she tried to be a good wife and it just didn’t work out. Her heart is back home with her child and she’s decided Australia just isn’t for her. Let her go.
In the meantime, it’s time for you to work on you. To start with, I’m going to suggest that you take a class to improve your english writing skills (the email you sent me above was quite a task to edit) and whatever you do, don’t go to the internet and look for another bride from eastern europe… No Russian brides. No Asian brides. No mail order brides! There are plenty of single women where you live in Australia. It’s time for you to figure out what you really want in a partnership and to roll up your sleeves and work for it.
Often men seek out mail order brides because they haven’t had much success meeting single women in their home areas. On a scale of one to ten, it’s true that most women are attracted to men who come in at a six or higher. Most men, who would order a mail order bride, usually come in at a 1 or 2.
I’m sorry for taking on such a strong tone, but there is an entire life experience here for you to learn from, and that based on the decisions you make now, will decide if you’re ever happy with your own life, and get to spend it with a partner who is truly commmitted to you.
…What is the name of our website? Seduction Insider … So take a few extra steps here with your life, break out of your comfort zone, and learn to be seductive, and raise yourself from a 1 or 2 (on the scale of attraction) to a six or higher. That is why learning ‘seduction’ is such an important life skill (and absolute insanity that most people never take the time to learn seduction). Seduction will make you a much more attractive person to the opposite sex, and make the targets in your sites fall in love with you, we’re talking head over heels in love with you. Don’t fool yourself – anyone can learn seduction.
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