o we broke up again.

Now, I'm back in California with some time left before my birthday (40). I have to figure out the next step in my life, and while I could get pregnant right now, I'm not ready to put myself back on the market. After all, dating is hard enough when you're by yourself. It's even harder when you have an infant strapped to your chest. Especially if you have no idea what this next chapter of your life is going to look like.

Adult Friend Finder has given me the option to explore, but I have yet to meet someone who seems worth it. Maybe one day, but for now, my eggs are still frozen and I feel like I can breathe again. Saving myself for marriage is great in theory, but finding a husband is about as likely as me finding a man who wants to have kids with me, let alone one that's OK with the fact that I already have some.

For now, I'm grateful that my eggs are safely tucked away in dry ice, because if they weren't frozen yet, I would probably be feeling the pressure to settle down sooner rather than later. At least now, I know that I have options: either bring a child into the world with someone who wants to be a father, or carry them myself and give them up for adoption.

For most people, choosing between having their own genetic children or adopting is an easy choice , but it's not so black-and-white for people who are less sure about what they want.

Like parenthood, it's hard to know if I'm making the right decision to freeze my eggs until I see how things turn out in a few years. Right now, it gives me the best of both worlds—I have time to figure out what I really want with everything before I get someone's hopes up.