This isn't just a dating site question that people think is pointless. It's not there by accident or because the staff doesn't know what it means any better than anyone else does. Rather, it's there because being shy can be seen in multiple ways: it's either just a feeling you have or it's the negative consequences that come from acting out on that feeling. And depending on your experiences, you might feel one way or another about it.
So what are these negative consequences? The list is long but includes getting passed over for opportunities, being ignored by friends, getting rejected when trying to make new friends or start dating, and having self-esteem lowered because of how others react to you. These problems can lead back to more shyness in a never-ending cycle, making someone feel even less confident than before they started down this path.
For Imran—and many other people who've told us they're too shy to datethe reward that seems to far outweigh the risk is the belief that being shy keeps them from getting hurt by others.
We're going to define "shy" here as a combination of the following:
a) a behavioral inhibition system (BIS) that gets activated in certain social situations, and b) a self-presentational strategy used to lower how you come off to others so they won't judge you or reject you.
So what do we mean by a BIS? In psychology it's defined as an innate tendency to respond with fear and anxiety when exposed to dangerous or novel stimuli. And while most people associate this with children, who often become shy in front of strangers, the same goes for adults who are "too shy." When someone's BIS is activated in a social situation, the adrenaline starts pumping and they begin to feel nervous, shy, and awkward.