SURPRISE NON-CABINET ANNOUNCEMENT For those of you who hate computers, there will be copies of the minutes on tables in the commons! Now then: The Lonely Island Cabinet Minutes NOTHING IS HAPPENING YET Mimi says she’s glad she’s not the permanent parlimentarian because she’s too big for the seat. After some thought, I realize that the parlimentarian for tonight is actually not Mimi, but rather Graham. Suddenly, everything makes sense. ATTENDANCE Is taken. Everyone’s here except Mimi, who’s at the Britney Spears concert. Graham refers to Alex as El Presidente, and Alex calls him the Parlementarián. I guess the Lonely Island is off the coast of Mexico. Alex looks exactly like Andy Samberg. It's a little disconcerting APPROVAL OF APPOINTED POSITIONS Becky motions to “make everybody the positions they are”. I don’t fully know what this means, so I decide mentally that I’m the King of France. ANNOUNCEMENTS Matt Sorenson would like us all to go check out the PDR, because it’s apparently been remodeled to the max. He says it’s “conducive to work.” Someone says that it looks really nice. I don’t hear who, so from here on out if I’m unable to figure out who said something, then Roque said it. I announce that I’m the King of France. This may or may not have actually happened. Moving on: Laura Bargalow says that Associates Night is next Tuesday at 7 pm. There will be associates, food, and awards. She says that the menu is not solidified yet, but there will be berries involved. The only non-solid food with berries in it that I can think of is jello. So that should be fun. B.C. has an awesome hat on. He tells us all to Ubangee Doward tomorrow. So, everyone who’s reading these minutes, get on that. Dhruv tells us not to screw with the second floor kitchen. Becky assures everyone that Dhruv is not being literal. I think this means that Becky can read Dhruv’s mind. BUDGET Travis announces that there are several negative funds in the budget, but that we shouldn’t worry, because he will “fix it.” He then pulls on a ski mask and runs towards the Med Center Chase. APPROPRIATIONS Kelsey is here from KTRU. She wants money for KTRU’s outdoor show. KTRU needs Fifteen Thousand Dollars (not just from Wiess) to make their show happen. They’re having Ted Leo, which apparently means something to Roque, who squeals briefly. Kelsey says that they have to get money from the colleges and local businesses, and “as we can imagine,” local businesses have been stingy with their money. I imagine a bunch of kids wearing plaid attempting to get money from Memorial Hermann Hospital. We give her $100.69. Matt Sorenson abstains. RACHEL JACKSON Will not give me Goldfish. I am hurt. JAMFEST Molly and Charlie come up. Charlie has an orange shoebox sticking out of his shorts at waist level. How cute. They say that they have three things to discuss. This is conducive to an outline, so : 1. We’re hiring Matt Taylor’s band Matt Taylor does not want our money, but the other guys in his band do. Joe says that they are legit because they were on the backpage. I feel that using the backpage to determine legitimacy is probably a poor choice, unless you’re all about the dick jokes. Which is fine – I don’t judge. Molly and Charlie want $300 from their budget to do this. There is an awkward pause where no one makes a motion, and we move on to: 2. Security and people working the sound system are necessary. 3 security people at any given time are needed. Molly and Charlie say that the freshmen should feel free to work all of their remaining service hours at Jamfest, or they can feel free to pay $60 dollars to Wiess. Joe says that he will send out a list of all of the freshmen who still need service hours. He has a really bright jacket on. I’m not totally sure why I just noticed that, but then again, I’m not totally sure about many things. Professional curling, for example. Charlie tries to intimidate Dhruv with his box into working the sound board for all 10 hours. Dhruv is not amused. Ever. If you want to work the sound board or security, e-mail Charlie/Molly (charles.s.dai@rice.edu <mailto:charles.s.dai@rice.edu> orirefusetotakethetimetolookuptwoemailaddresses@rice.edu 3. Also, Jamfest is on the 10^th from 4-2. There will be 10 awesome bands, a moonbounce, and Rock Band. LAURA B-ART-GALOW Makes an announcement (she calls it an interjection) that the Wiess art show is on the 10^th from 2-4 pm. There will be arts of all shapes and sizes. JAZZ NIGHT Adrian says that Jazz Night is 9-12 on the night before Jamfest (April 9^th ). We are getting Larry Slezak (?) and his quintet to play – he’s pretty good, which is why he wants $1000. Adrian’s trying to “kick that down.” Adrian and Margay need alcohol servers, so e-mail them (adrian.a.frimpong@rice.edu<mailto:adrian.a.frimpong@rice.edu> or whatdidisayabouthesecondemail@rice.edu) if you can do that. They also need $300 for wine, which they get. Margay assures us that there will be sparkling cider for those not of age. Also, if you play jazz and want to do it at jazz night, tell Adrian/Margay. I may have made the sparkling cider thing up. But I really like sparkling cider. So we should have some. COMMUNITY SERVICE TIME Danielle has three announcements, which she makes really quickly. She’s going to be in the commons this week working for the Dollar Difference, a program wherein you give a dollar to her, and then she gives it (directly) to people in the third world, who use it to start businesses that will allow them to have businesses and be awesome. Her second announcement: The Wiess blood drive is April 9^th from 11-4:30. So, if you’re planning on bleeding profusely then (and who isn’t), consider donating your blood instead. You can sign up for times by e-mailing Danielle (danielle.n.axelson@rice.edu) Finally, we need a Wiess representative for RSVP, or else we are all heartless, selfish, uncaring people. E-mail Danielle if you’re interested. BIRTHDAY REP Alex decides that he is Robyn. As he is the president, no one questions him. “Robyn” wants to create a birthday rep position, wherein someone would be in charge of making a list of birthdays, a Ubangee board, and giving out cakes and stickers. Roque says that cakes are expensive, but stickers are cheap. BC and Matt Sorenson both mention that Nancy has been doing a lot for birthdays recently, and maybe she likes it, so we shouldn’t just take that away from her. I concur. “Robyn” says that Robyn is “really into birthdays,” which confuses me on several levels. It is eventually decided that instead of cake money, Robyn can get $20 for “birthday stickers.” (This is not a joke.) Matt says we should give her the money to make her feel good. You know what would make me feel good, Matt? No? A PONY Now you do. So get on that. But not literally, because that would crush the pony. NEWSPAPERS Alex says that Forman has decided to stop providing newspapers for the colleges, so the colleges need to pay for them instead. They’re still in the process of working out a system (who buys weekend editions given that not all serveries are open on the weekend, etc.) Roque says that we don’t get weekend papers, but then Roque says that actually, we do. It costs about $1375 for papers for a college for a year. We don’t open the budget yet – the figure is for future reference. Alex says that the administration is actually being very helpful; I agree, except for the part where they took away our newspapers. But then again, I’m a bitter shell of a man. SEAT OF SHAME WIESS DAY Jocelyn says that she’s been talking to Charlie and Molly. Good for her! She then expounds that she’s been talking about having Wiess Day again (for those of you who are freshmen, it’s like one of those field days in elementary school, except at least twice as awesome). A page of notes’ worth of conversation happens here, during which time I come to realize why Patricia Ladd is so bitter. Noteworthy happenings: · -Wiess Day will contain sno-cones, a popcorn machine, maybe a food fight, and a baseball-field sized golden tarp which will work as a slip n’ slide. Kristen says that we can grease the tarp up with a “handle of dishsoap.” This is probably my favorite thing said tonight. · -Joe says that he learned on Wikipedia that Wiessmen used to go “zipsledding,” which is like slip n’sliding without the slip n’ slide. Bonnel and Graham agree that Joe has far too much free time. · -We will have Jazz Night, Jamfest, Wiess Day, and Bacchanalia in the span of three days. It is unanimously decided that this is awesome. · -Bo says an associate has volunteered to boil crawfish for us. Graham says that the crawfish will cost at least $300. I feel like this is excessive; I am also from the Midwest. · -There is discussion as to whether we should just keep the moonbounce from Jamfest for an extra day. Matt questions whether we need a moonbounce for two days. · -Matt’s inner child is dead. ·Jocelyn is eventually given $700 dollars out of carryover, “most of which is for crawfish,” and $120 out of alcohol. OWLS Will be here on April 8^th , according to Molly. By Owls, she means prospies. Matt says that he wants there to be actual owls, but Bonnel beats him into submission. Bo is sitting in the background, fanning himself, and staring into space. This is weird. Also, Bonnel has stolen my cheetos. ANYWAY, BACK TO OWLS Molly wants to get $75 for a prospie mixer with food, cornhole, smores, and so on. Bo motions to open the alcohol budget for the prospies. Molly gets $75 from non-budgeted. Jason Hawley tries to say something about abusing the budget, but he’s cut off. ASSOCIATES NIGHT ROUND TWO Laura asks for a straw poll as to whether we should continue to pay the servery $300 for goblets, linens, and napkins for associates night. Roque says we should “nix the goblets.” The straw poll indicates that yes, we should keep paying the servery $300. Laura says that this is wonderful, and now she needs $300. There is an attempt to take it out of coffeehouse, but then Jacob Pflug gets really defensive. Roque wonders when we’re having coffeehouse night. So do I. Laura eventually gets $315 from carryover. Jason Hawley looks as though someone just killed his family. In front of him. Slowly. TV Matt takes a straw poll as to whether the TV for the upper commons should be “here or there.” It is decided that it should be there. B.C. says that instead of mounting it on the wall, we’re hiring someone to hold it. We may get HD cable for the TV next year. Bo wants the playboy channel. Kristen wants a Tivo. No one else does. She’s the capital improvements rep now, so she could probably get one anyway. I support this because I’m all about abusing power and because I want a Tivo. RACE Jason and Roque are both in running stances to race to the Seat of Shame. Roque takes off his glasses, which is intimidating. As soon as Matt gets up, they both run to the seat. Roque wins, mainly because Jason is still in tears over the loss of the carryover budget. Roque says that he needs people to help disassemble the remnants of the Wiess-Hanszen unity bridge after cabinet. I assume that this has already happened, so you probably don’t need to read about it anymore. Also, Roque and Jeremy Caves (who is conspicuously absent) are looking for someone who will put out PAUSE the recycling bins during cabinet next year. Margay volunteers. NO, I’M NOT BEING IMMATURE The pause actually happened. FILING CABINET Jason says that he has bought a filing cabinet that we can use to “keep money in,” thus avoiding the Banner system entirely. Jason wants reimbursement for the filing cabinet. We give him $99.99 from carryover. As Jason is talking, he slowly sinks deeper into the trash can. It emits a high-pitched whistle, which I assume means that it is dying. A struggle ensues to get him out, which results in Jason being dropped on the ground. Old milk is spilled all over his pants. Things like this are why you should come to cabinet. CREAM SODA Charlie wants to buy cream soda for cabinet. No one else does. SURPRISE FICTIONAL TRAVIS Travis runs in with a sack full of gold bars. He smiles, and says that he “fixed the budget.” There is blood on his shirt, and he has the look in his eyes of a man who has gone too far. CABINET ADJOURNED! TFW, Dan “I go to cabinet so that Patricia Ladd doesn’t have to” Nelson |