As the last traces of life gradually left her beautiful and tender body, I knew it was time to say good-bye to our daughter, Dora. Brenda, a nurse with an extraordinarily loving heart, asked if we’d like to spend some alone time with Dora, and I said to her, five more minutes please. Brenda held my hands, and spoke softly, “no, five minutes is not enough, my friend; you can spend as much time as you want. You will have many days with your friends, but you only have today to be with your daughter physically. ” She left in tears, leaving the three of us together. Thinking back, it was the most precious time we had with our daughter. Today, as I am standing right here, I have so many words to say, and I want to express my gratitude to each one of you. However, just like what my friend Brenda said, I will have a lot of time to express my appreciation to you during my lifetime, but I only have today to share with you the story of our daughter. I’d like to save this time just for Dora, our beloved daughter.
Dora is a special gift for our 15th wedding anniversary. When we found out that I was pregnant on Christmas Eve 2006, we were overjoyed. However, our joy did not last long, as we soon found out that our unborn child was carrying a fatal disease. When we heard this diagnosis, our hearts were broken. In that first week, we lived in torment daily. Some doctors suggested for us to terminate the pregnancy, but neither of us could make the decision to end a fresh and new life, let alone it being our long-awaited child. We named our daughter Teodora, meaning “the gift from God.” Through her brief life, Teodora never ceased telling us that she truly is a special gift sent from God, a gift that we have been longing for. She is our perfect little angel.
From the moment we decided to let our child walk through her own destiny, we received love and concern almost daily from people around us. When we opened the car door on the day we left for the hospital, the first thing that came to our sight was the car seat that Ying had prepared for us to bring Dora back home; when I left the operation room with my dying daughter in my hands, the first person I saw was Yunrui, with her teary face; Li, I know you shed no less tears than I during the past few weeks! Both Youjun and I would always say afterwards, that our Dora is actually a blessed child, because she received so much love from so many people around her. If life is a journey, then the length of this journey is not the most important factor. Of course, as parents who had lost our beloved child, we are indeed saddened. But we also rest assured, knowing that our daughter lived her life fully -- arriving with love and leaving in peace.
Dora lived in my womb for about 10 months, during which I experienced her growth daily. She was a quiet girl throughout the entire pregnancy, and during the first six and seven months, I could only see her movements via ultrasound. She liked to pose in different positions when I watched her via ultrasound, assuring me that she was comfortable and safe. It was only during the last three months that I began to experience her movements during some quiet evenings. I was excited, as I knew that she was still there and was safe inside me. As a first-time mom, I was anxious in the days leading up to her birth. Dora seemed to know her mother’s feelings, because she turned head-down quite early on, seemingly trying to comfort me. Each time I visited the doctor, I could hear Dora’s strong and steady heartbeat, as if she was telling me, “don’t worry, mommy, I am okay here.” Influenced by Dora’s soothing and relaxed temper, I lived an enriching and comfortable summer with her. My Dora was such a strong girl, that she lived to full-term in her mother’s womb, all of 39 and a half weeks, which amazed everyone, including our doctors. When she prepared to enter this world, she made a clear signal, so undeniably clear that we all knew that it was her time, as if everything was pre-planned.
Since we knew her diagnosis prenatally, we wrote a detailed birth plan, in which we expressed our greatest desires. First, we would like to meet our daughter alive; and second, we didn’t want her to suffer. We are very fortunate to have a compassionate and gifted OB doctor help us. Dr. Berman, from the poem you wrote for us during the day our Dora entered and left this world, we can clearly see how much you care for our family. The medical team you put together helped to fulfill our two wishes. Each member of this dream team is just so wonderful. We would like to especially thank Drs. Chapman & Casper for their timely diagnosis and expert handling of the birth. Because of their expertise, our daughter was brought into the world alive. Dr. Chapman told us later on, that of all babies with Trisomy 18 or 13 that she had helped to deliver at Yale New Haven Hospital, Dora was the first baby born alive. This alone is a miracle.
In the brief journey of our little Dora, the most comforting thing to me is to know the fact that Dora left us so peacefully. I could not even tell whether she just fell asleep or had left us forever. Her eyes were closed and her lips were gently open, as if she was softly breathing. From the moment she was brought to me, she never left my arms. I knew she fell to eternal sleep in her mother’s arms. She did not suffer at all, just as we wished.
I once read a poignant sentence, “Children are angels on loan from God.” No matter how short or how long a person’s life is -- a few minutes or several decades – the time that she or he spends with parents is only temporary, and the primary duty of parents is to take care of this angel and to experience the meaning of parenthood. Dora lived in my womb for close to 10 months, and lived in this world for just 2 hours, but she gave us a complete experience of being parents. From the moment we were pregnant with our Dora, we became parents, with the same feelings towards our child as any other parents. The only difference was that we knew that we would not have much time with our angel, which made every moment with her especially precious. In her short and fragile life, Dora has taught us a lot: love, patience, and to treasure every moment of one’s life.
Today, as we celebrate and remember her life, our hearts are filled with gratitude. We are grateful to have this special gift in our lives. We are appreciative to have friends who love us and treat us like family. We thank all our wonderful colleagues, friends, and sisters and brothers who helped us and supported us throughout this journey. We are thankful to meet these compassionate and devoted medical personnel. We are especially appreciative to those whom we have never met before, but came to our lives because of Dora, and provided us with wonderful help and care. Aurora, your caring and professional help etched the brief moment of our daughter's life into an eternal memory. We will cherish those pictures forever.
Our little Dora has accomplished her mission. Through her, we witnessed a miracle and experienced love. I know what the source of this love is. We believe that she is in a better place now, watching over us, and blessing us daily! Dora, you are forever our beloved daughter, our special angel! We love you!