I almost decided not to do Death Valley, and If I hadn’t I wouldn’t of missed much. The Valley lives up to it’s name. It is a 150 mile long desolate, lifeless, hot and deep gorge on the surface of Earth. I say desolate; that’s if you can make it past the horrible usual tourists gaping it at it while licking Magnums through the windows of their cars.
To be honest I didn’t see too many at first. I entered the Valley via the South entrance and was immediately greeted by a warning sign letting me know I would not get fuel for 72 miles. Ignoring this I carried on. There was next a few signs offering radiator water and advice to switch of the air con to prevent over heating. But it was not really all that hot outside. In fact I had my heater on at times.
It was interesting to get out and wander amongst the rocks because they all seemed so ancient. Death Valley lies 245ft below sea level and as such is the hottest spot on the western northern hemisphere. In peak summertime it has reached temperatures of around 56 degrees Celsius.
I have to say – I was a little peeved at having to stop and pay $20 to a ‘ranger’ in the visitor centre just to drive through the valley. I asked what it paid for and was told the maintenance of the visitor centre. I suggested they just charge an entrance fee for the centre and then those who don’t need it can drive on by. She then said it also contributed to conserving the valley. I asked if she thought people stopping their cars and starting them up again was the best way to conserve and area and she told be to go away and stop being annoying; which I did - in a huff.
I was actually planning to drive on west through the valley and stop overnight in Bakersfield. That would of meant I could get up in the morning and be able to visit the crop dusting location where they filmed Cary Grant being chased by a crop duster in the film North By Northwest, but by now I was so tired of this desert area I took a run at it and headed straight for LA. The total driving day was 9 hours.
I say I was fed up of the desert. I only mean the North West Californian desert which mainly resembles a meandering drive through large dark gravel slag heaps. The i5 motorway is an embarrassment. It is patchy, cracked lanes are not clearly marked; people are driving with only 50% of their lobes firing and a cerable cortex which shares much the same genes as a goat. It was hairy to say the least. Everyone is at a liberal 75 MPH and overtaking on both sides. Swerving in and out: ignoring lanes, sensibility and safety. It also doesn’t help having the low sun straight in your eyes shining both in the sky and off the shiny melted tarmac on the highway.
That done I arrived at my LA hotel a night early. It is empty here. The hotel is over priced but they are willing to accommodate me a night early. Problem is I hate the hotel. Its very posh but I can’t get over the fact that the restaurant, dining room, breakfast room, bar and lobby are all in the same space.
I don’t really care about such things but charging $5.50 for a small bottle of water is just making mugs of your guests. I have decided to stay just this one night and find myself a cheap place near the beach. I fancy the swim.
So after 5250 odd miles driving I have finally made it coast to coast … or was that coast to cost. I feel a sense of achievement and satisfaction. I have seen the southern states of the US and feel qualified now to criticise it and applaud it where it should be criticised and applauded. I have learnt that motor way stop coffee is consistently impalpable and unpalatable, that fuel is cheap as chips, that outside of the cities common sense and intelligence is not very prevalent, that one desert is similar to another as is the case with canyons, that suing motels is the way to go and can be as cheap as £20 a night including breakfast, that god and religion in the USA is out of control and holding many, many people back in the modern world, that any music where wearing a cowboy hat is expected is downright dreadful, that ‘legendary’ places like Nashville and Memphis are bitter, bitter disappointments, that the US tourist attractions are suffering horrendously quality wise, that historic sites will not see another hundred years before collapsing in dust and that people are generally very nice indeed: if avoided at all costs.
But, all that said. I still have a few sites to visit. I shall do so with the usual vim, verve and gusto and report back over the next few days. But for today I’m going to lie on a Malibu beach and work out how I’m going to pay for all this.