If you’re a type A vacationer, get yourself to the Florida Keys for teh lobstering. I suggest Lower Matacumbe Key near Islamorada.
I spent many many many days of my life perfecting this
technique.
1. Get a boat. A boat with a GPS marking
system is all the better.
2. Get a decent lung capacity and/or a hookah rig. You’re going to
be holding your breath a long while.
3. Get a stick
(aluminum or some hard metal works best) and make sure it's got a cute little
bend in the end. This is your tickle stick. You can probably pick up a few of
these bad boys at any shop you see in the keys.
4. Get a small net, a pair of gloves, and a measuring stick.
You can buy these supplies in pretty much every store you see in the keys.
5. Learn to call lobsters bugs.
6. Never piss off commercial lobster captains. They depend on pulling up bugs
for a living. Avoid running over their pots, don’t get close to their boats,
and don’t get caught harvesting an abandoned pot.
7. Get a waterskiing line and attach it to a makeshift
"sled"
that will pull you behind your boat.
8. Put on a mask and snorkel, grab your tickle stick and
net, and hop in the water holding the sled.
9. Have someone who knows how to drive a boat at 1000RPM
with a pair of polarized sunglasses look for "white spots" in the
water and drive you over them while you’re sledding behind the boat.
10. Use your sled and lung capacity as the boat pulls you
like a piece of shark bait to look for antennae peeking out from under rocks
and ledges along the bottom. It's best to find a "hotel" full of
"bugs" so you can "anchor up" and get a "limit"
quickly (limit is 6 per person or 24 per boat, whichever is greater).
11. When you've spotted a spiny guy, let go of the
"sled" and place your tickle stick in one hand and your net in the
other. You'll need to "tickle" the bug out of its resting spot, place
your net behind him, and then TAP him between the eyes with your tickle stick.
When you do this, he'll scoot backwards straight into your net. Seal the net
with your tickle stick and VOILA! You've caught a lobster.
12. With your remaining yet probably fleeting breath,
carefully carry the bug to the surface and pass him off to the boat for
measurement. If he's a "short" you'll have to put him back in the
drink.
13. I recommend placing the legal ones in a cooler
onboard. You cannot kill them while you're still out on the water. That fun is
left for the sanctity of dry land.
14. When you're back onshore, you'll
need a bucket and two hands. With one hand on the carapace and the other on the
tail, twist like you're wringing a towel until the body and tail are separated.
The tail will be flipping and the antennae will still make noise. You might
feel a little unsettled.
15. Break off one antenna from the carapace and discard
the rest of the carapace. You'll now use that antenna to clear out the poop
chute located in the tail. Think of this as deveining a shrimp, only much
larger. Discard the poop shoot, place the tail in a plastic bag. You're ready
to prepare any number of recipes.
