Why I'm Opposed to Adoption "Counseling" for "Birthmothers" 

Adoption agencies - businesses that rely on getting babies for customers - claim "everybody wins" with adoption.  But with adoption, there are some definite losers:  mothers, babies, grandparents, siblings and fathers lose out with adoption.  These are not "illegitimate" relatives or "just biological".  They ARE the relatives - the real relatives.  Have you ever heard of an adult (who was kept by family) conducting a search for the "parents" who had hoped to adopt her?  That would be silly - they are not even related to her.  Yet every day, adoptees conduct searches for their true parents and other relatives they have never even met.  "Flesh of my flesh, blood of my blood."  Many adoptees find it helps them to finally meet true relatives - people who look like them, have similar interests, personalities and even gestures. 

When they find their relatives, adoptees sometimes discover that their mother committed suicide over the loss of her precious baby.  Their mother - and even their father - may have turned to alcohol or drugs to try to block out the reality and the pain of such a tremendous loss. 

Of course, moms do try to find ways to cope.  It may be they have to "focus only on the positive" or "think only of others" just to get through the day.  Few people will let them speak of their closest relative, or grieve in a normal fashion for the son or daughter who is "missing in adoption".

Adoption and Loss - The Hidden Grief is one article on counseling grieving "birthmothers".

Adoptees - cut off from mother and family - sometimes commit suicide as well.  One thing is for sure - it is incredibly traumatic for a tiny baby to be separated from her mother in infancy.  From the perspective of a newborn baby, her mother is her whole world.  Hospitals today try to keep moms and babies together to prevent the emotional and psychological harm that can come from separating them.  "Being adopted" has it's own special problems.  Kids like to jeer "Oh, yeah - WELL, YOU'RE ADOPTED" to the adopted child (who already feels like a nine-month abortion).  The adopting people may find it hurtful if the adoptee mentions anything about her real family.  And to top it all off, the adoptee is considered to be a bit of a science experiment.  Let's face it - adoption is not normal, no matter how the adoption agencies like to portray it.

Who Supports the Idea of Adoption "Counseling"?

The National Council For Adoption (NCFA)  is not a benevolent organization.  NCFA represents the interests of adoption agencies.  The NCFA has obtained federal government funding for "Infant Adoption Awareness Training"  programs and adoption advertising.  The objective is to get  "adoptable" newborn babies away from  their own parents and family.  Apparently, too many grandparents are helping with their grandbabies.   97% of single moms are keeping their babies so adoption agencies feel there are not enough healthy newborns to sell to people who want to adopt. 

 As a result of  "Infant Adoption Awareness Training" Programs, a pregnant woman may encounter health professionals, religious leaders and many others in the community who will "Think Adoption First" and tell her she must  "consider adoption" and "make a decision" prior to her baby's birth.   She may fall for it, sadly perusing the "Dear Birthmother" Letters on the internet.  The "Birthmother" ads with pictures of  the fine homes and expansive lawns of  the infertile elite may make her feel completely inadequate as a mother.  Should she bow down and kiss the feet of the adoptive gods, offering up her own precious son or daughter for their happiness? 

A baby does not need a fine residence, shared with unrelated adopting people.   A baby feels safe and secure in the arms of her own mother.