Department of Departments:

Administrates the formation of new branches of government and the planned obsolescence of less-than-new ones

Department of Phlogiston

Formerly, the Science Branch of the Department of Energy; deals with all scientific questions not considered funny or completely ridiculous.

Department of Inflation

In charge of World Trade Center balloons.

Department of Recession

Has jurisdiction over recessions of the equinoxious, hairlines, and short-term on-site educational student furloughs.

Department of Deflation

Combats Flation in the nation; oversees a special task force on fighting old gas-bags like me.

Department of Decession

In charge of all of the ghost employees.

Department of Denomination

Responsible for new editions of currency; i.e., the Hang Fiver, the Scout's Tenty,  the Mark Twainty, the Duncan Phyfety, the Attila the Hunnerd, etc. Also oversees the Committee Against Candidacy.

Department of Interminable Revenue

In charge of incendiary spending and phyllotaxes.

Department of Metabolism

Maintains the administrative digests and secretarial and accounting records of the two agencies overseeing Attabloidism and Cannabolism.

Department of Rot and Filth

Sometimes mistaken for the Department of Rotten Filth, which monitors cursing and swearing (except for swearing done in court); this Department processes all of the poppycock and classifies it as either nonsense or bull dirt.

Department of Lawn For Cement

Rents to or trades topsoil with various branches of government when needed for a cover-up.   Formerly the Department of Lawn Porcelain, which oversaw the construction of birdbaths and national monuments.

Department of Acoustical Interference Arising from Air, Steam, Sledge, Tuning, Tack, Jack, Ball-pein, and Carpenters' Hammers and Calliopes.

Issues noise regulations for industry (forges, surface mining, etc.) and government (parades, speeches, etc.).

Department of Typographical Errors and Misspellings

Formerly a division of the Dept. Of Corrections; but now a separate agency.  Oversees Capitalization Punishment; proofreads bold-faced lies, and vets government documents for diatribical purposes.

Department of Offense

Formerly a division of the Dept. Of Defense,  but moved to a different building because of skunks.

Department of Misappropriation

In charge of all misappropriated funds.  Formerly an investigative body dealing with redundancy and obfuscation (during the War On Accounting) violating the established rules and practices adopted by the Federal Deficit Insurance Corporation.

Department of Consternation and Natural Repugnance

Safeguards the nation's supply of flabber-gas; also currently is overseeing the development of accurate measures of the degree of flabbergastation of senators and congressmen by remarks made in front of cameras.  Production peaks have always been marked in the past by "Senators and congressmen teetering and tottering all over Washington," which is still regarded as a standard metric, even superseding the medically sound practice of observing for symptoms of flabbergastedness such as oculogyric crises, torticollis, and elocutomotor dyskinesia.

Department of Farming, Farms, Farmers, Farmhands, Farm Equipment, Farmland, and Farmhouses

This once-prestigious branch of the Department of Agriculture (known as the Farmy Corps of Engineers) was spurned by the modern technology-based farming industry, and was relegated to the status of being a training provider for small farmers who still plant and grow their own spaghetti, macaroni, money, and fruitcake by hand using traditional methods.  Their mottoe is, "Money doesn't grow on trees; it grows in the ground just like everything else."  Most well known for their cash incentive plan to provide qualified workers who have the skill to be able to train elbow macaroni to grow back down into the ground like banyan trees do.

Department of Computers, Composters, and Compilers

This branch of government deals with piles of just about everything that can be piled up.  If a citizen needs help in the barn, this agency can provide specialized equipment such as compilers, which can "come pile it here" or "come pile it there," as he sees fit.

Department of Buttonholing and Harangueing

Formerly the Department of Tirade, but was ruining the reputation of the Department of Trade, with which it was usually confused.

Department of Departmentalizational Acronymization

Formerly the Dip-a-dee-doo-dah-day Office, but was temporarily subsumed under the Department of Speed-Reading, Speed-Writing, Speed-Recitation, and Speed-Sign-Language along with the National Bureau of Phonetic Spelling, Syllable Butchering, and Onomatopaeic Acoustic Representation while the Department of Translation, Transliteration, Rotation, and Rototilleration was too busy (preparing for the Superb Court decision as to whether or not Fred Astaire's body language was capable of being abbreviated without the risk of first amendment abridgement of his constitution) to undertake the gilding of the lettering on their new office dors.

Department of Brainwashing and Braindrying

Regulates these two major industries, to ensure that all material used in brainwashing biodegrades before there's any trouble, and that there's no static from anybody during the brain-drying stage while their brains are being blown out.

Department of Gin, Guns, and Chew

Responsible for taxation of behavior.  Concerned primarily with taxation of smoking, which taxes your breath; and with taxation of tobacco so that bullets will eventually be cheaper than cigarettes, which taxes your imagination.