How Parents Can Help Students Resolve an Issue, Concern, or Conflict at School

A parent's or guardian's role in a child's education is important. This document shows how to best deal with problems at different grade levels, and it includes the most effective way to communicate with the school on a child's behalf.

1. Realize that some problems work themselves out on their own while others demand immediate attention. Use good judgment to consider the consequences of delaying or not taking action. If you are not sure, seek advice from one of your school's PTO/Home and School officers. Their phone numbers appear in your school's student directory or call the school.
2. Have your child describe the problem not as a vague generality, but as a specific behavior. Ask questions to change a general statement, such as "Alex is mean to me" to a specific one, like "Alex calls me bad names." Also, define the problem by asking, "When this happens, what do you do?" "Where and when does (did) this take place?" "What adults know?" "How have they helped you?"
3. Encourage your child to solve the problem on his or her own. Talk with your child and let him or her come up with several ways of solving the problem; then offer to help to choose the best ones. Regard any obstacle as a chance for your child to grow. Every child is different, but usually the older the child, the more opportunity to create a "teachable moment." CHS parents may want to suggest their child see a Peer Mentor to resolve a conflict with another student. Especially at the elementary level, even if the situation is resolved, communicate the issue to the teacher in case the problem reoccurs.
4. If your child cannot solve the problem, then write a note, telephone, or E-mail the teacher or the guidance counselor, depending on the nature of the problem:
   1. For an academic problem or a social problem within the classroom, contact the teacher.
   2. For a social/personal problem (or in the upper grades when a single academic problem exists in several classes), consult the guidance counselor. Even if your child does not identify a problem, but a family situation, such as family illness or a change in family structure, may be affecting the child, contact the guidance counselor.
   Parents can call the school office and leave a message for the teacher or counselor to return their call. Some teachers give parents or students their E-mail addresses, and the E-mail addresses for all school district employees are listed on the Cheltenham School District Web site: www.cheltenham.org. Even if the child's problem is with the teacher, begin solving the problem by talking directly with the teacher, rather than by going to the teacher's supervisor.
5. When you E-mail, write the note, or make the telephone call, provide your name (especially if it is different from your child's), your child's name, the best ways to reach you (E-mail or telephone numbers with the best hours to call), and a brief description of the specific problem. State clearly if the problem is an emergency. If you are reacting emotionally, take enough time to collect your thoughts before you call or write.
6. Allow at least 48 hours (24 hours in an emergency) for the teacher or counselor to call you back. Most professionals check their mailbox and their E-mail for messages at least once a day, but this may not be true for every teacher in every school. Remember, many of them have children and personal responsibilities of their own.
7. If you do not hear back within a reasonable time, contact the school with a second message. If the teacher or counselor still does not respond to your requests, then for grades K-8 contact the principal's office or, depending on the nature of the problem, your child's guidance counselor. For grades 9-12, contact the department head's office and/or your child's guidance counselor.
8. In most cases, problems can be discussed over the phone. As you enter the conversation, state factually what you think is happening. Be willing to accept different points of view. Find a solution to the problem by dealing with specific behaviors, not with attitudes. Also, as parents, we sometimes lose our objectivity. While parents tend to think they always know what is best for their child, this may not necessarily be the case. Finally, some students and parents fear reprisals; if you suspect such behavior, immediately contact the teacher's supervisor: the principal or (at CHS) the department head.
9. If the issue is still not resolved, you may schedule a meeting with the teacher (or department head at the high school), and, if not already involved, the guidance counselor. Bring any letters or other papers regarding the problem to the meeting. (Two copies save time.) If the problem is academic, bring examples of your child's work that demonstrate the problem. As with your phone conversation, be prepared to accept other points of view. If you are uncomfortable meeting with the teacher privately, ask that an administrator or a guidance counselor attend the meeting with you.
10. If a satisfactory solution cannot be found, then contact your school's principal. Again, present the problem as concretely as you can. Give the principal copies of any correspondence and a summary of your previous attempts to solve the problem, including whom you spoke to and when. As a result, you may meet with the teacher, the guidance counselor, and the principal.
11. If all else fails, call the Superintendent's office, 215-886-9500. The Superintendent or someone on his/her staff at that number will direct your call to the appropriate office, depending on the nature of the problem. It may be the Director of Pupil Services, the Director of Elementary Education, the Director of Secondary Education, the Assistant Superintendent, or another administrator. Throughout this entire process, keep in mind that sometimes an educator must weigh the best interests of your child with those of the entire school community.
12. The Superintendent becomes involved when all other avenues have been exhausted. The Superintendent must approve some requests, and he or she is the final arbiter of disciplinary issues.

"How Parents Can Help Students Resolve an Issue, Concern, or Conflict at School" has been prepared by the United Parents Group (UPG) in consultation with the Cheltenham School District's administration and counseling staff.

The United Parents Group initiated this topic as part of its 2001 Parent Workshop, and UPG invites parents to attend the next Parent Workshop to be held on Monday, March 10, 2003, at 7:30 P.M. The topic and location will be announced.

Parents are also welcome to participate in UPG's monthly meetings to learn more about Cheltenham School District's programs and policies and to express their opinions about their child's education. The time and location for each event are published on Cable Channel 42 and on the Cheltenham School District Web page.