My plan is to use this medium to record my views on my life experiences.

Who I am is inconsequential.

Much of what I’ll write will most likely have already been written.

So my disclaimer …. If any sequence of words appearing in this site, exist in the same sequence somewhere else … credit for them belongs to the other.

 (Note: My use of the word "I" fluctuates between the convential context and the spiritual)

O.K. Let’s get started.

1/29/2009 The Journey

I believe that it's vital to realize that there is no path to bliss, joy, happiness, peace ...etc.

Looking to the future for fulfillment is a complete waste of time.

The future doesn't exist in this context - it is a fantasy, so forget about it.

A fantasy ? Really ? 

YES ! The only way we experience the future is with our mind - out thoughts.

YOU ARE NOT YOUR THOUGHTS

Please re-read the sentence above. The moment you try to put a label on who you are – you bound the infinite.

You are indescribable. You are infinite. You animate and are incapable of vice.

YOU ARE THE LIGHT OF THE WORLD.

1/30/2009 Identity

For the longest time I derived my sense of self by the way others perceived me. If you didn't like me, then I was unlikeable.

If you don't need me, then I'm worthless. You're not attracted to me, then I'm ugly ....etc

Very hard to deal with - Very painful .... So the answer, OF COURSE ! Pain pills.

Hello addiction and hello withdrawals.

 After years of this brutal cycle something happened inside me that said ENOUGH !

I can't go on like this. I hate everybody and everything .. mostly myself.

The natural question.. Who am I ?? And what's wrong with me.

Why do I do what I do? 

Little relief came in the way of rehab.

For those 30 days I was surrounded in a safe cocoon and received a great education on addiction, triggers and so on.

Day 31 - there I am again ingesting pills (alcohol(ism) is on it's way to replace the pills, I just didn't realize it at the time)

Long story short, I'm awake and free. No more pills or booze. So I speak from experience. I will share with you what I do.

No charge :-)

 2/12/2009

Been away for awhile. KILL THE EGO !

That's the goal. 12 stepping is all about realizing that you are a walking dysfunction. It's amazing that thoughts originating from a portion of the brain the size of a peanut can drive you to drink - Literally.  Believing the voice in the head is the main problem w/ humans nowadays. If you don't agree with my thoughts then you are a threat to my existence and must be eliminated. OR I believe that this thing (land, book, cement, mud etc) represents what I am and therefore if I can't have it or if you try to take it away or if you belittle it or even hint that it's not important, then you are a threat to me and must be eliminated. I MUST BE RIGHT AND THEREFORE YOU ARE WRONG and therefore I exist. I can be happy when the "if only's" come to pass. 

Delusional, don't you think ?

 To be continued ...

  formless.perfection@gmail.com  (Drop me a line .. love to hear from ya)