|
Desk of Brian has grown and branched out to our own domain - check out the Bill Maher page here: http://deskofbrian.com/2010/10/bill-maher-quotes/
Democrats in America were put on earth to do one thing: Drag the ignorant hillbilly half of this country into the next century, which in their case is the 19th. - March 26, 2009
It reminded me of Tiger Woods' text messages to his mistress that were made public last week, where he said, and I quote: "I want to treat you rough, throw you around, spank and slap you and make you sore. I want to hold you down and choke you while I f*** that ass that I own. Then I'm going to tell you to shut the f*** up while I slap your face and pull your hair for making noise. - March 26, 2009 That's what they should be saying to the Republicans: "Shut the f*** up while I slap your face for making noise! Now pass the cap-and-trade law, you stupid b*tch, and repeat after me, ‘global warming is real.’ - March 26, 2009 What the Democrats never understand is that Americans don't really care what position you take. Just stick with one. Just be strong. They are not bright enough to really understand the issues, but like an animal they can sort of sense strength. - Bill Maher, CNN Larry King Live February 18, 2010 I would have to say that things do seem to be getting worse and they seem to be getting worse because – sorry to say it – people get stupider and stupider every election cycle. ... They think offshore drilling is going to lower the price of gas and they think Obama, the black guy from the single mother, somehow is the elitist. - August 15, 2008 We are a nation that is unenlightened because of religion. I do believe that. I think that religion stops people from thinking. I think it justifies crazies. I think flying planes into a building was a faith-based initiative. I think religion is a neurological disorder. If you look at it logically, it's something that was drilled into your head when you were a small child. It certainly was drilled into mine at that age. And you really can't be responsible when you are a kid for what adults put into your head. - February 16, 2005
 Why couldn't, uh, why couldn't have (Rush Limbaugh) croaked from it instead of Heath Ledger? - February 8, 2008 At least half of the [Ten] Commandments are stupid! - January, 2008 (see pic at left) Religion to me is a bureaucracy between man and God that I don't need. But I'm not an atheist, no. - February 16, 2007 We have been the cowards. Lobbing cruise missiles from two thousand miles away. That's cowardly. Staying in the airplane when it hits the building. Say what you want about it. Not cowardly. - September 17, 2001
The right wing is upset about [the movie 'Million Dollar Baby'] because it's about euthanasia. It's about mercy killing. And it just makes me laugh because Clint Eastwood in his movies has killed about five million people, most of them with a knife or with his bare hands. - February 25, 2005
 You know, this country is, I've said this before, I'm going to keep saying it, it's a pitiful, helpless giant. Again, (America is) a stupid country with stupid people who don't pay attention. - August 28, 2006 on Larry King Live (see pic to the left) Crazy people who still think the government brought down the Twin Towers in a controlled explosion have to stop pretending that I’m the one who’s being naïve. How big a lunatic do you have to be to watch two giant airliners packed with jet fuel slam into buildings on live TV, igniting a massive inferno that burned for two hours, and then think, well, if you believe that was the cause… Stop asking me to raise this ridiculous topic on the show and start asking your doctor if Paxil is right for you - September 14, 2007
I have zero doubt that if Dick Cheney was not in power, people wouldn't be dying needlessly tomorrow....I'm just saying if he did die, other people, more people would live. That's a fact. - March 2007 Taking a page from their tsunami playbook, the White House announced today that former presidents Bush and Bill Clinton will head up the fundraising efforts for the hurricane relief. And you know, Bill Clinton is no stranger to this kind of thing. He was once visiting the French Quarter during a hurricane and got blown behind a dumpster. - 2005
He's like the Peanuts character Pigpen. Wherever he goes, he stirs up such a humongous mess, it can only be cleaned up by Halliburton. - 2005 on President Bush
More people joined the Michael Jackson fan club. We've done picked all the low-lying Lynndie England fruit, and now we need warm bodies. - 2005 "Real Time" host, on the Army missing its April recruiting goal by 42 percent
Oh, come on. That's like Hitler's dog loved him. That is the silliest reason. - 2005 "Real Time", after guest Christopher Hitchens said it was to President Bush's credit that he got Laura Bush to marry him because "she's an absolutely extraordinary woman."  But sir, none of that is going to happen now. Why? Because you govern like Billy Joel drives. You've performed so poor, I'm surprised you haven't given yourself a medal. You're a catastrophe that walks like a man. Herbert Hoover was a shitty president, but even he never conceded an entire metropolis to rising water and snakes. On your watch, we've lost almost all of our allies, the surplus, four airliners, two trade centers, a piece of the Pentagon, and the city of New Orleans. Maybe you're just not lucky. I'm not saying you don't love this country, I'm just wondering how much worse it could be if you were on the other side. So yes, God does speak to you, and what he's saying is, 'Take a hint.' - September 9, 2005 "HBO's Real Time with Bill Maher"
"...they're (Democrats) talking about 60 votes they need. Forget this stuff, 60.... You can't get Americans to agree on anything 60 percent. Sixty percent of people don't believe in evolution in this country. He (President Obama) just needs to drag them to it. Like I just said, they're stupid. Just drag them to this. Get health care done, you know, with or without them. Make the Gang of Six an offer they can't refuse. This Max Baucus guy? He needs to wake up tomorrow with an intern's head in his bed. I mean, I think, Iraqis, I think, feel that if we drove smaller cars, maybe we wouldn’t have to kill them for their oil. - Larry King Live November 1, 2002I'm serious. You know, this is where, I said this months ago and people criticized me, this is where the president needs to be a little more like Bush. Bush had horrible ideas -- torture, deregulation, massive tax cuts for the rich, preemptive war -- horrible ideas. But you know what? He had that swagger that said, 'I'm just gonna get it through. Suck on it, America, if you don't like it.'" Obama should do. He should wake up tomorrow and say, 'Jesus told me to fix health care.' I'm certain about it. Seriously. - 2009 We need to regulate the banks, we need to overhaul immigration, we need to end corporate welfare including at the Pentagon, we need to bring troops home from everywhere, we need to end the drug war, and we need to put terrorists and other human rights violators on trial in civilian courts -- starting with Dick Cheney. - March 26, 2009 |
|
|
|
Bill Maher Quotes |
Favorite Sites  |
