99. A Madam Who Prefers To Be A Regular Woman
Someone used to call me ‘Nyi’ (=madam) a long time ago.
Nyi is a Sundanese (west Javanese) language. I’m a true Sundanese because I grew up in Bandung (the capital city of West Java) and my parents as well as my grandparents are Sundaneses too. Though I feel like I’ve lost my culture ever since I got married to my husband, who is from Padang (west Sumatera). He likes only a few Sundanese food, understands a few of the language but cannot speak it, meanwhile I like Padang food (has lots of spice and herbs) but don’t understand the language at all.
That person, who called me 'Nyi', also demanded every one - except expatriates (we worked in a foreign bank’s branch) - to call him ‘Akang' (=brother). Calling one another ‘Nyi’ or ‘Akang’ is certainly very common all across west Jaya, from small towns along the coastal area of the Indian Ocean in the south like Pangandaran and Sukabumi, to bigger towns in higher land such as Tasikmalaya, Garut, Bogor and Bandung. However we weren’t in one of those towns. We were outside Sunda and our office was located in one of the high and modern buildings on the busiest street of Jakarta where genuine Sundaneses like both of us were very hard to find! That’s one of my sweetest memories from working time. I was still working when Ninta (my first child) attended kindergarten. I quit and stayed home with the children when my husband asked me to do so. That was when Aqmal *my second child) was born. However I still left home twice a week to do some other business (I worked voluntarily for Syamsi Dhuha Foundation). After Rania (my youngest child) was born, I decided to become a full time mother and wife. I have done nothing else except caring for the family and doing the bulk of household chores. My best friend, Dian Syarief (the founder of Syamsi Dhuha Foundation), could not accept my decision to stay home. She kept on warning me that if I stayed home I wouldn't be able to keep myself updated. There's a huge misunderstanding between us. Why would I change into a very different type of person if I stay at home. .
Broadly speaking, yes it's true, there's a misleading opinion about stay-home-mothers. What make us, devoted mothers, not as special as working mothers?
I have come to a point that I feel like I have experienced almost everything in life. From being a plain small kid, a teenager with an exciting life, a student with challenging chores, a university graduate finding a job and adapting herself to a whole new work environment, to a career woman who was as busy as a bee trying to balance between work and family tasks. Now, although my life seems so plain, it is very significant. My only aspiration is to care for the children so that they have a better life in the future. To accomplish it, I have to keep myself updated just like every one else. I have to show good way of behaving in front of the children. I have to encourage lots of communication among us. I have to create joyful learning activities at home. There are a great many other things that do not differ me from working mothers.
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I have an option to offer the child care job to somebody else: a babysitter or a trained-maid. I used to take this option when I was still working outside the house, but not now for I have become a much suitable person to do the parenting jobs myself. I am happy and I can see that my children are thriving.
With the help of the technology, I will be able to do almost everything from home. I have a lot of things in my mind, things that I will do when children, especially Rania, have grown bigger. No worries at all. The desicion to stay home has turned out to be a blessing for me. |
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New Parents Guide on Baby Care and Maternity, A Madam Who Prefers To Be A Regular Woman |
