Choices I've made , I've made with longevity in mind. Leaving the seeds that I've planted to be harvested in the long run. Many times I've fallen and I've found it hard to get back up and move on. Not one day has gone by that I haven't question my choices looking to find fault with the decisions I've made.

 

Were they right choices? Were they wrong choices? Was these choices worth the sacrifices I've made? Somedays I'm sure I made the right choice and everything I've hoped for is there and I'm content in the knowledge that I've done the right thing. Then there are the days that creep up on you and latch on for dear life, crumbling your defences in one swift blow and the second guessing begins.

 

Being Pregnant is a progressive part of life. Once you cross that no sex vs sex hurdle. It's always lurking somewhere in the background. When I noted the unusual changes in my body and the unmistakable absent of my near and dear friend. I slowly came to the realization that my progressive time had come.

 

First person I told after my boyfriend was my boss. This was where my priorities lay, work came first. Top most in my mind, work came first and everything else came second and this worked for me. They called, I'd answer, I'd come running. I've always believed that to lead you have to lead by example so if I had a job to do I gave it my all no holding back, no excuses. No day was sacred once deadlines were set, looking back now I can say I regret it because maybe if my job came second or third in the rules of priorities I would not have to have made the decisions I've made.

 

At first I saw it as I would have to slow down when I had the baby. No working on sundays, no working till 7 and 8 o'clock. However after maternity leave, I returned to work to find nothing had changed the mould that I had helped carved out for myself I could no longer fit.  

 

 

The hours that once meant nothing to me now meant everything. The work that I took so much pride in and did with such dedication now left me filled with guilt. Everyday was a struggle, it came to a point that I said goodbye to my mondays to sundays job and took on motherhood full time. It is a Job that comes with no holidays or vacation leave but it was the job for me.

I knew I'd never regret spending time with my son but I would regret not spending enough. In leaving my job everything changed and up isn't up anymore and my goals are not set so close but far away. I hope my son grows up to be all that he can be, with all the strenght and love that I can give him. That is my goal to insure my son is a well rounded individual that's all I can hope for.