Looking for a trading edge? Why spend endless time and effort trying to develop one, when you can buy a profitable system off the shelf for a mere $99? We have done all the hard work, so you can sit back and relax, as you reap the rewards of a real trading holy grail.

Our system has produced a return of several thousand percent with a maximum drawdown of 2%. The system has been backward tested and forward tested on over 50 years worth of data. It can be applied across markets and is guaranteed to generate positive returns over any time frame from 30 seconds to 5 years. Additionally, risk management is dynamically tuned to the system's performance, to guarantee a maximum drawdown of 3% over any time horizon. Upside is unlimited. 'The3500 Trading System' was developed using the latest flux capacitor technology, created as part of the Skynet Project at Cyberdyne Systems, and offers a highly profitable solution to meet your every trading need. This special offer is strictly limited* and the price will be increased to $999 at the end of the year.

For the special, one-off price of $99, you will receive:

• Some pointless CDs
• Some useless reading material you could find freely available on the internet
• False hope
• A password to a forum where you can discuss how you have just been ripped off (again).
• A lesson that there is no substitute for hard work

So what are you waiting for? Get me out of here. Comments.

* The3500 Trading System is so exclusive it isn't actually available at all.