This page is for our enormous amount of 'humor' we get in the e-mail boxes ... feel free to add yours... ("Humor for Starlit Tales" starlightcircleplayers@yahoo.com or firedeer@sfo.com) EVER SINCE I WAS A CHILD, I'VE ALWAYS HAD A FEAR OF SOMEONE UNDER MY BED AT NIGHT. SO I WENT TO A SHRINK AND TOLD HIM . . . 'I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy.' 'Just put yourself in my hands for one year,' said the shrink. 'Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears..' 'How much do you charge?' 'Eighty dollars per visit,' replied the doctor. 'I'll sleep on it,' I said. Six months later the doctor met me on the street. 'Why didn't you ever come to see me about those fears you were having?' he asked. 'Well, Eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money! A bartender cured me for $10. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new pickup!' 'Is that so!' With a bit of an attitude he said, 'and how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?' 'He told me to cut the legs off the bed! - Ain't nobody under there now!!!' On that subject: A guy is 80 years old and loves to fish. He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, 'Pick me up.' He looked around and couldn't see any one. He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again,'Pick me up.' He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a
frog. The man said, 'Are you talking to me?' The frog said, 'Yes, I'm talking to you. Pick me up then, kiss me and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. I'll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because I will be your bride!' The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front breast pocket. Then the frog said, 'What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said? I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride.' He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said, "'Nah, at my age I'd rather have a talking frog.' |
A noted biologist, who had been studying little green frogs in a swamp, was stumped. The frog population, despite efforts at predator control, was declining at an alarming rate. A chemist at a nearby college came up with a solution: The frogs, due to a chemical change in the swamp water, simply couldn't stay coupled long enough to reproduce successfully. The chemist then brewed up a new adhesive to assist the frogs' togetherness, which included one part sodium. It seems the little green frogs needed some monosodium glue to mate. ---- I wish I had a small truck so I could take advantage of a contract hauling opportunity I saw advertised the other day. Seems a water-garden company wants a load of frogs delivered, but they have to be carried in a special bog-like container that will fit in a pickup truck's bed. They'll pay in food! For each load delivered, the company will provide one enormous home-baked casserole with a crust of middle-eastern flat bread. Mmmmmm! That's right: A pita pie per pickup pack of puddled peepers. -- Q: Did you hear about the new Pirate movie? A: It's rated AARRRRRRRRRR!!!!!! --- A professional treasure hunter was diving for pirate treasure in an ocean cove. He searched for hours with no luck. Finally he started toward the shore. When he was about knee deep in the water he tripped over an old strong box. He scooped it out and opened it. It was full of gold coins! The Moral? Sometimes booty is only shin deep. |
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