|
To Laugh Untill It Hurts Our Stomach.
Jokes Play very important role in our daily life keep us cool and laughing make our blood circuilation good and increase our blood. Smiling also Increase our Face value. So for your Smiling and Laughing we gathered a good collection of Jokes.
1) Mixed Jokes
2) Sardar Jokes
3) Munna, Circuit Jokes
4) Sms jokes
5) Funny Conversions
Above given jokes are gathered here for Fun as you can smile and Sms your friends to make them smile also have a Fun.
MIX JOKES
: ‘He was arguing with a taxi driver, Your Honor.’
Magistrate: ‘That is no proof he was drunk.’ Policeman: ‘Well, Your Honor, there was no taxi driver there.’ ---------------------------------------------- TEACHER: Willy, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago. KIRAN: Its Me! ---------------------------------------------- CHAKRI: Dad, can you write in the dark? FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write? CHAKRI: Your name on this report card. Missing Taxi Driver Magistrate: ‘What was he doing when you arrested him?’ Policeman --------------------------------------------- Son : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt? Father : No. Why do you ask that? Son : Well, where did you get THIS mummy then? --------------------------------------------- Manmohan Singh to Bush - We are sending Indians to the moon next year. Bush - Wow! How Many? Manmohan Singh - 100 25 - OBC 25 - SC 20 - ST 5 - Handicapped 5 - Sports Persons 5 - Terrorist Affected 5 - Kashmiri Migrants 9 - Politicians and if no further recomendations then possibly 1 - Astronaut. ----------------------------------------------------------- pinki: If I die what'll you do? chintu: I may also die. pinki: Why? chintu: Some time too much of happiness can also Sardar Jokes
Santa Singh sent his bio data to America to apply for a post in Microsoft. A few days later he got this reply:- Dear Mr. Singh, You do not meet our requirements. Please do not send any further correspondence. No phone call shall be entertained. Thanks Santa singh jumped with joy on receiving this reply. He arranged a party and when all the guests had come, he said Bhaiyon aur Behno,aap ko jaan kar khushi hogee ki mujhay america mein naukri mil gayee hai." Everyone was delighted. Santa singh continued Ab main aap sab ko apnaa appointment letter padkar sunaongaa par letter english main hai isliyen saath-saath hindi main translate bhee kartaa jaongaa. Dear Mr. Singh-----pyare singh sahab You do not meet----aap to miltay hee naheen ho our requirement----humko to zaroorat hai Please do not send any furthur correspondance----ab letter vetter bhejnay kee zaroorat nahee hai. No phone call ----phone vone kee bhee zaroorat nahee hai shall be entertained----bahut khaatir kee jayegi. Thanks----aapkaa bahut bahut shukriya ************************************************************************** A Sardar died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly gate Saint Peter told him that new rules here in effect due to the advances in education on earth. In order to gain admittance a prospective heavenly soul must answer two questions: 1. Name two days of the week that begin with "T". 2. How many seconds are there in a year? The Sardar thought for a few minutes and answered... 1. The two days of the week that begin with "T" are Today and Tomorrow. 2. There are 12 seconds in a year. Saint Peter said, "OK, Ill buy the Today and Tomorrow answer, even though its not the answer I expected. But how did you get 12 seconds in a year?" The Singh replied, "Well, January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, etc..." Saint Peter opens the gate without another word. ******************************************************************************** One Sardar was enjoying Sun on a Beach in America. A lady came and asked him, " Are you relaxing" Sardar answered '" No I am Banta Singh" Another Guy Came and asked the same Question. Sardar answered " No No Me Banta Singh" Third one came and asked the same question Sardar was totally annoyed and decided to shift his place. While walking he saw another Sardar enjoying the Beach. He went and asked him " Are you Relaxing?" The other Sardar was much educated and answered "Yes I am relaxing " Our Sardar slapped him on his face and said, "Salay, Sab tere Ko wahah doond rahe hai aur tu Yahaan Aaram Kar raha hai." ************************************************************ After making a trip of South India , Santa Singh ,his wife and his son were returning to punjab in Tamilnadu Express. Santa Singh was occupying the lower berth, his wife the middle berth and his son the top most berth in the train. When the train stopped at one of the stations on the way back the son requested Santa Singh to bring him a cup of Ice cream to which Santa readily agreed. When Santa and his son returned they found that a South Indian who couldn't understand hindi had occupied his son's birth . Outraged, Santa Singh called the TT and asked him to help. TT requested that he could not understand Hindi/Punjabi so it would be better if Santa Singh explained the whole situation to him in English. Santa Singh explained , " That man sleeping on top of my wife is not giving birth to my child." ************************************************************ Fifteen minutes into the flight from Mankuwa City to Sukhpur city, the captain announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed.. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left." Thirty minutes later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and the flight will take an additional two hours. But don't worry ... we can fly just fine on two engines." An hour later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and our arrival will be delayed another three hours.But don't worry ... we still have one engine left." A sardarji passenger turned to the man in the next seat and remarked, "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day!" ************************************************************************ Three men were applying for the same job as a detective. One was a Sardarji, one was Jewish, and one was Italian. The chief decided to ask each applicant just one question and base his decision upon that answer. When the Jewish man arrived for his interview, the chief asked him, "Who killed Jesus Christ?" The Jewish man answered without hesitation. "The Romans killed him." The chief thanked him and he left. When the Italian man arrived for his interview, the chief asked the Same question. He replied "Jesus was killed by the Jews." Again, the chief thanked the man who then left. Finally the Sardarji arrived for his interview, he was asked the same question. He thought for a long time, before saying,"Could I have some time to think about it?" The chief said,"OK, but get back to me tomorrow." When the Sardarji arrived home, his wife asked "How was the interview ?". Sardarji replied, "Great, I got the job, and I'm already investigating a murder. *************************************************************************** Talking about those days when there were no mosquito repellents and we had to spend sleepless nights. Sardarji was also experiencing the same every time. he tries to sleep,one mosquito comes and disturbs his sleep with a sound "guooonn, guooonn." He gets very irritated. He tries to cover his ear but the problem remains persistent. Ultimately he gets up and catches the mosquito in his hand. He is very kind and not for the blood shed but still wanted to take revenge. Happy as he is now starts singing a lullaby and says "so ja machchar, bete so ja". After some time he finds the mosquito falling into deep sleep in his hands. So he goes near it and says "Guoooonnnnn, guoooonnnnn." ****************************************************************************** Santa Singh applied for an engineering position at DEMAN CONSTRUCTION office in Amritsar. Reddy from Chennai applied for the same job and both applicants having the same qualifications were asked to take a test by the Department manager Mr. Arvin Singh. Upon completion of the test, the results showed that both men only missed one of the questions. The manager went to Santa and said, "Thank you for your interest, but we've decided to give the job to Reddy". Santa: And why would you be doing that? We both got 9 questions correct. This being Punjab I should get the job!" Manager: "We have made our decision not on the correct answers, but on the one question that you got wrong. "Santa: "And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?" Manager: "Simple, for the question that both of you got wrong, Reddy put down 'I don't know' as the answer. And you wrote 'Neither do I'!" *************************************************************************** A sardar wanted to sell his old battered Maruti car which had done more than 100,000 kms. Since no body was inclined to buy it, he approached his friend to help him dispose it off. The friend advised him to have the mileage meter reading reduced to around 30,000 kms so that he could tell the prospective customer that it has been used sparingly. The sardar liked the idea. A few weeks later the same friend met him and enquired whether he was able to dispose off his car. The sardar replied, "Are you mad? Who sells a car which has done only 30000 kms! *************************************************************************** A Sardarjee reported for his University final examination which consists of "yes/no" type questions. he takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his wallet out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet - Yes for Heads and No for Tails. Within half an hour he is all done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out. During the last few minutes, he is seen desperately throwing the coin, swearing and sweating. The moderator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on. "I finished the exam in half and hour. But, I am rechecking my answers ************************************************************************* Sardarji bought a brand new Maruti and decided to drive down from Amritsar, where he lived, to Jalandar to meet his friend. He reached there in a few hours. After spending a few days there, he decided to return, and called up his mother to expect him in the evening. But he didn't reach in the evening and not the next day either. When he finally reached home on the third day, his distraught mother ran and asked him " Arre Puttar, ki hoya?" (What Happened, My Son?) The Sardarji got out, obviously very tired from a long journey, and said, "Oy, ye Marutti wale pagal hain, agge jaane waaste chaar gear banaate hain, aur pichche jaane waaste sirf ik?" (These Maruti Car people are crazy! They have four gears for going forward, but only one for going back!) ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Santa Singh decided to start a chicken farm so he bought a hundred chickens to begin with. A month later he returned to the dealer for another hundred chickens because all of the first lot had died. A month later he was back at t he dealer for another hundred chickens for the second lot had also died. 'But I think I know where I'm going wrong,' said Santa, 'I think I'm planting them too deep.' ************************************************************************************ Munna and Circuit JokesPROFESSOR SMS Jokesmsg pe msg bhejte ho
=============================
Mix Jokes
Do you know of a Sardar who parked his car in
front of board which said FINE FOR PARKING ----------------- A drunk was hauled into court. Mister, the judge began, you've been brought here for drinking.. Great, the drunk exclaimed. When do we get started? ----------------- Can you do anything that other people can't? Sure, I can read my handwriting.. ----------------- When a wife was asked: What book do you like the best? She answers: My husband's cheque book.. ---------------- Girlfriend: And are you sure you love me and no one else? Boyfriend: Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday. ---------------- My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs. ---------------- Teacher: Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be Showing? Student: Brotherly love. ----------------- Teacher: Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating? Sam : No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook. ------------------ Manager: Sorry, but I can't give u a job. I don't need much help. Job Applicant: That's all right. In fact I'm just the right person in this case. You see, I won't be of much help anyway!! -------------------- Dad: Son, what do u want for ur birthday? Son: Not much dad, Just a radio with a sports car around it. -------------------- Teacher: Desmond, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did u copy his? Desmond: No, teacher, it's the same dog! -------------------- Diner: I can't eat such a rotten chicken. Call the manager! Waiter: It's no use. He won't eat it either. -------------------- Diner: You'll drive me to my grave! Waiter: Well, you don't expect to walk there, do you? --------------------- Husband: U know, wife, our son got his brain from me. Wife: I think he did, I've still got mine with me! -------------------- Man: Officer! There's a bomb in my garden! Officer: Don't worry. If no one claims it within three days , you can keep it. ------------------ Father: Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you anything! Son: That's why I say she's no good! -------------- Should women have children after 35 No, 35 children are more than enough! ---------------- No one has ever complained of a parachute not opening.. ---------------- Living on Earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free trip around the Sun.. ---------------- Children in backseats cause accidents Accidents in backseats cause children ! ***************************************************************************** SOME FUNNY CONVERSIONS....... RAM SITA HAI ... TO RAM KAUN HAI ?? Ans - . TAILOR ( darzi ) Q2. SITA RAM HAI TO SITA KAUN HAI Ans - . Sita MEMORY hai (RAM: Random Access Memory) Q3. Prasad ask's Kumble to bring a pepsi... Kumble brings a bottle of pepsi but goes directly to Tendulkar.? why ?? why ?? :-) Ans:- Tendulkar is an opener Q5. Woh kya hai jo Dil main hain, Mann main hai par Dhadkan main nahi? Ans:- aarey Aamir Khan !!!!!!! Q6. What will! u call a person who is leaving India ?? Socho............... Ans:- Hindustan Lever (Leaver). Q7. Kalidas ka ek bhai joote banata tha us ka naam kya tha? Ans:- adidas Q8. Luv and Kush are going to a village & in between comes a well. Luv falls into the well. Why ? Ans:- Because Luv is blind!!!!! Now Kush also jumps inside. Why? OK lot's of head scratching done. Ans:- Luv ke liye saala kuch bhi karega!!!! Want one more... Q9. Jackie Chan ki saas ka naam kya hai?.. nahi pata..?? Ans:- D'Cold chain ki saans !!!!!! *************************************************************************
|