here's a lot to read here but, trust me, it's really important.
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The process
of negotiating the agreement will be more effective if you establish
with the teenager, in advance, your insistence on a contract. You must
be willing to NOT ALLOW THE TEEN TO DRIVE INDEPENDENTLY until an agreement is reached. -
Use the model contract as a starting point and revise and rewrite it specifically for your teenager. You should
make changes to suit your particular situation.
- Check with your state regarding it's legal restrictions on new drivers. Make sure your contract is consistent with your local laws (or stricter!)
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Encourage the teenager to negotiate some of the fine points. Be willing to consider any reasonable proposals
your teenager makes.
- When you reach an agreement, sign the document and provide a copy to the teenager. Set a date to review and revise the agreement after a designated period of driving has passed.
I'd suggest 4 to 6 weeks. On this
review date, go through the agreement with the teenager and
make changes as needed. This review period will be an opportunity to
relax the agreement, at least somewhat, if the teenager has done well with his or
her driving. It is also an opportunity to tighten the agreement if the
teenager has not done well.
- If you pull your child's independent driving privilege, allow, encourage, even require him or her to continue to drive WITH YOU IN THE CAR PROVIDING EXPERIENCE. In other words, revert to Learner's Permit mode!!
- IMPORTANT: There's a problem parents have to work through when their teen driver breaks the contract. Like many parenting dilemmas, there's no easy answer.
Here's the problem: On the one hand, if I am the parent and I believe my child has been reckless in his driving and he's violated one of the more serious rules I have about driving, I need to take him off the road for awhile. Makes sense.
On the other hand, research tells us, pretty conclusively, that the way new drivers become better is by gaining driving experience. Somewhat surprisingly, the research says that, after the initial period of being taught to drive by parents, it is the teenager driving alone, which gives the experience he or she needs to become a safer and more competent driver. So, that creates a downside to taking the teenager driver off the road. When he or she is not driving, he or she is not accumulating that critical driving experience.
That is why it IS possible for a parent to be too strict and too punitive in enforcing driving rules. It's why it is important not to yield to the temptation to take the young driver's driving privileges away for longer periods, when other less severe measures might be adequate. Maybe a warning for the first violation of some of the less critical rules. Perhaps two weeks off the road instead of two months. Don't fall into the trap of thinking that the longer driving privileges are pulled the better and the safer. That's not necessarily the case.
Do you have teenagers who are already driving? IS IT TOO LATE to do a contract? (Answer: No.)
A NOTE ON DRIVING AND SCHOOL PERFORMANCE is here.
A NOTE ON PARENT MOTIVATION:
Remind yourself everyday what is at stake.
Remind yourself that you want to do all you can to prevent a disaster.
There is nothing more dangerous to your teenager than your teenager's
driving.
REMIND YOURSELF WHAT IS AT STAKE!
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