Mindless remake of the Arnold Schwarzenegger action adventures of the 80s, which were never that good but seem like Shakespeare when compared to this mess.  Conan is born in the middle of battle in the cinema's grisliest caesarian section operation, raised by father Ron Perlman, and as a youngster witnesses his father's death and is inspired to take revenge against the evil tribe that killed him.  Why such a pedestrian set-up needs twenty five minutes of screen time before finally getting to the main action is beyond me, particularly when it could be told with a simple prologue.  It only gets worse from there, however, when lead actor Jason Momoa takes over the main role and his well-built physique does nothing to compensate for an expressionless face and wooden delivery.  The action sequences are just excuses for endless goriness, and the film will amuse only the most sadistic of children.

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