Until recently, the methods of writing a successful and powerful five paragraph essay have been a mystery to mankind. In 2007, however, I uncovered an ancient text in a swamp near Fayson Lakes in Kinnelon, New Jersey, while on one of my daily swamp digging expeditions.  The scroll, conveniently protected in a Ziploc bag, was a lesson from a rapping wise man named Jeffrey Krachun, who was able to put to words what had previously never been documented. Amazed and excited, I ran home and put the words to music to share with my seventh and eighth grade Pearl R. Miller Middle School English students.

In hopes that the wise man's lesson may be shared for generations to come, I have uploaded the song to share with the world.

I present you with "Tell 'Em."

Lyrics can be found here.

And for those of you future wise men and women out there, who wish to create raps, English or otherwise, on your own, here is an instrumental version of the song

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Lyrics Explained:

The chorus for this song comes from a clever way that I have learned to remember the three parts to a five paragraph essay.

In the introduction, writers need to tell the readers what they are going to be writing about. In the body paragraphs, writers must tell the readers what they said they were going to tell the readers about. In the conclusion, the writers must remind the readers of the essay's main points.

Thus, "Tell them what you're going to tell them. Tell them. Tell them what you told them" was born. This brilliant phrase was brought to my attention by my friend and colleague, Jeffrey Krachun.

UPDATE:

Now with more Ethical Treatment of Animals!

The Animal Seasonal Holiday Extravaganza Song of the Ages!