The Emergency Monologues
Tales of the bizarre, ridiculous and irksome side of being a Paramedic in an unidentified urban city. Hey Everyone, It's starting to get
colder. I hope this meets you warm and snug. Our house is so drafty
that in the past we've worn tuques to watch TV. Our house is currently
turned upside down as we are insulating the walls and the entire house
needs to have an empty 3 foot perimeter around the inside of the house
so that the guys can have access to the walls. It makes navigating very
awkward. I can't wait for it to be over.
BOOKS Books are available at: She
Said Boom, Frantic City, This Ain't the Rosedale Library, Book City (in
Carrot Common on Danforth), Theatre Books, and Indigo (at Mt Sinai
Hospital) at any show and from me at anytime. Details are listed under
Stores on this website.
Book signing at Indigo in Mt Sinai.
On Nov 12 from 11 am to 3 pm, I'll be doing a book signing at
Indigo at Mt Sinai Hospital (yes, yes, I know it's all given away in
the title). Mt Sinai is at 600 University at Gerrard st. It's my
first book signing and I'm not afraid to admit that I'm a little
excited about it. I'll probably do a story or two; or more if it seems
appropriate.
Come, even if you don't want to buy a book, because nothing draws
in a crowd like a crowd. Just stand in line, get to me, say "Hi" and
then go to the back to the end again. It'll be fun. I'll be pushing
The Emergency Monologues, the book, and I might spin a yarn or two, if
it seems okay and if someone asks.
If you are interested in spreading the word about the book signing, you can download the poster that Indigo made at http://drop.io/emergencymono or by going to my website and then going to press page/photos.
You'll always be able to buy The Emergency Monologues from me or at shows, but this will be one more location and opportunity.
UPCOMING/PAST SHOWS
I did my show at a Pulled Pork/Tattoo party in Oshawa a few weeks
ago. It was a blast. The host knew me pretty well and kept bringing
rye and gingers to the stage until I lost track of time. I think I did
a 3 hour set. If you're interested in having me do a house party, just
send me an email.
For those of you out east, I'm doing a show in the 'Shwa and Kingston, details to follow. Oshawa
Sat Nov 21, 8:30 pm UOIT/DC (Durham College) 2000 Simcoe st North, Oshawa
So
the exact room location is unconfirmed right now, but it will be on
UOIT/DC campus location. The address is 2000 Simcoe St North, Oshawa
Ontario. The set of lights is just South of Conlin Road. To get to it
from the HWY 401 East or West, you exit at Simcoe Street, and follow it
North bound for about 15 minutes. The actual Street you make a left on
into campus is called Commencement Dr. Tickets are $15 in advance.
Make a reservation by sending me an email or $20 at the door.
You can get the flyer off my website at http://drop.io/emergencymono or by going to my website and then looking under press page/photos
This
will be another fundraiser for Kevin Mills. Kevin is a good friend and
fellow paramedic who became quadriplegic in an accident while on
vacation with his family. I'll have a few Tragically Hip signed CD's
to auction off at the event.
Kingston
I'm doing a show in Kingston on Nov 27. If you're interested in
coming you have to contact me directly because it is in someone's
house. You're probably welcome, but I need to ask. Toronto I'll also be doing a Christmas Party on Dec 4. Same deal as above. Odd Internet Search Requests
"penis amputations", "dead parent monologues", "desperate housewife inspired" (I have no idea how that leads you to me)
International Visitors UK, Australia, New Zealand Funny Things
We got a call for a guy who was assaulted. "What happened?" I asked him. "I did something stupid." "What was that?" "I went to visit a friend at 220 Oak."
"And..." "That's all." "You know, in EMS we have a saying that 80% of men who get assaulted were asking for it." "That's probably true."
I'm standing at St Mike's doing my
paper work beside a man sitting in a wheelchair smelling strongly of
urine. Yes, yes I could have moved, but I was there first. Anyways, a
nurse asks him if he is waiting to see a doctor and does he need to be
triaged. He says, "No, I'm waiting for an ambulance." She looks to me
but I gesture that I have nothing to do with him. She asks him again,
"Why are you here?" Again, he answers, "I'm waiting for an
ambulance." Then he thinks for a moment, catches himself and says, "I
mean a taxi. I'm waiting for Royal Taxi." Take care (and by that I mean you can all drive each other to the hospital), Morgan
Older Funny Thing (like a few weeks ago older...)
I was in a bar this week with a bunch of paramedics to celebrate (or mourn depending on your perspective) the early retirement of a friend and paramedic who is quitting after 5 years to pursue a job where nobody pukes on you. We're drinking and laughing and having a jolly old evening when I notice that the waitress is carrying The Emergency Monologues in one hand and a pen in the other. I just got a new shipment of books and had a few in my backpack (you call it a book, I call it beer money). She walks over to another paramedic and starts talking to him. My first thought was, "She stole my book from my back pack." I look down and it's open. As I start walking towards them to confront the thieving waitress, the medic points to me and says, "Actually, he wrote it."
It turns out, she had bought the book that morning from the only store presently
authorized to carry it, Wise Daughters 3079 Dundas St West (in the
heart of the Junction). I still don't know why she was approaching
random medics with it, but it was weird that I ran into her that night.
It marks the first and probably only time I'll see a stranger reading
it in public (at least when it isn't a gig venue).
Take care,
Morgan
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