Sending emails, whether read or not, I haven’t the foggiest clue!

Unconditionally sharing articles, thoughts and occasional dreams,

No responses, simply silences, not an interest there it seems.

It’s been over a year and a half that I’ve done this selfless act.

No underlying motive here, just a heart that cared enough to react.

But time itself has proven that your feelings were not the same;

You obviously desired fun and thrills in playing the dating game.

I’m no longer interested in being in a sacrificial lamb role,

And though I’m considered a sweet and generous yet sensitive soul,

Competing with the affections of others is simply not my goal.

I want someone who’s willing to give, not just a part, but a complete whole.

It’s not a mystery or a question; I’ve been quite direct and true,

It’s been laid out on the table, the way I’ve felt about you.

Surely I’m not the first to express such thoughts as these,

You no doubt have several women with whom you fondly tease.

It’s not my style to chase a man, that’s not my cup of tea;

And so, with tail between my legs, I opt to bow out gracefully.

I admit defeat to those ladies who are top notch on your list.
I wish you well in your selection; dear, just know you will be missed.

   ~©2005 Michelle Antoinette James ~
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Of that I’m undoubtedly sure;

From women who’ve bowed in your presence,

Who’ve given up their very essence,

To win your love, to gain your favor;

That very essence which you hungrily savor.

Without a thought, without feeling or shame,

Indulging in one night stands, or simply playing your game.

Now then, why had I unwittingly allowed-

Myself to become involved? I had seriously vowed-

Never to become entangled with a womanizer, a cad,

Who’d physically use and emotionally abuse every woman he’s had; it’s sad.

It’s said that love is blind, possibly dumb as well;

I know- it’s left me puzzled, confused and numb- I can tell.

You’ve turned my life upside down, on levels high and low;

And touched my heart in places that you could never ever know.

Yes, I’d rather have risked loving and losing you

Than never to have loved you at all, that’s true. 

I’ve learned that love’s unconditional,

And that it doesn’t have to be reciprocal.

Just know that I am who I have been, right from the very start,
And that I will always cherish you deep within my heart.

        ~©2006 Michelle Antoinette James ~
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I sometimes think I’m way out of your league.

As steps, that I have taken to know you, falter,

I’ve noticed that you, by choice, refuse to alter-

Any actions or attitudes displayed in arrogance;

On every level I face total resistance.

It’s either your way, or your law of life, that one should follow.

Your opinions and advice you’d insist one should swallow.

If one doesn’t meet your high standard of excellence,

Then that one is counseled and served a dismissive sentence.

I’ve extended my friendship to you by emailing and calling,

But your conduct toward me is nothing short of appalling.

As now I sit back, reflect and curiously wonder-

About questions and thoughts, I engagingly ponder.

Seeking explanations for your puzzling behavior,

I’ve come to realize that perhaps you may need a Savior;

Someone to rescue you from your imprisoned soul,

Someone who could break the chains and make you whole.

It just simply goes to show that I may never be able,
To meet you halfway, should we ever seat ourselves at a table.

              ~©2006 Michelle Antoinette James ~
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A man who’d never let his feelings show.

Attracted I was to his wit and his charm,

And his fun sense of humor, I found was so warm.

I felt drawn to him, I felt a special connection.

It was impossible for me to withhold my affection-

For he had captured my heart and my soul.

Friendship with him was really my goal.

We’d share our ideas and interact with such ease,

Sometimes we’d be serious and sometimes we’d tease.

Hours were spent chatting by email and phone,

But eventually the relationship took on a new tone.

He began to withdraw, enveloped in silence;

I couldn’t understand why, it just didn’t make sense!

And when I’d approach him, seeking an answer,

He’d tiptoe around it like a professional ballet dancer.

I had given so much; yes I had fallen in love.

Rejected, I sought answers from the Lord up above-

Who taught me forgiveness to heal my broken heart,

And who gave me the strength to forge a new start.

I may never know why I met a man such as he;

I may never know why he chose to set me free.

Deep in my heart, though, I’ll forever hold him dear,
This man that I love, and for whom I’ll always care.