If I had to sum up my approach in one word, it would be "agency".  Agency is all about recognizing the personal abilities that one already possesses while developing increased competence, better awareness, and further abilities.  My focus is on how we use our attention in order to be able to do what we want to do.

Rather than applying this perspective in a selfish way, since selfishness never allows happiness, good counseling incorporates folks' values and relationships with their individual internal life, other people, the world at large, and a sense of inspiration.  As far as I can tell, mindfulness is the basis for consistent inspiration.  I work with people to apply mindful appreciation of themselves and others in a gentle but resilient way.  Besides working on openness to one's emotions and sense of connection with others, it is important to also have a sense of internal structure and strength so that we can survive and enjoy living in a sometimes harsh world.  Compassion is equal care for oneself and others.

The easiest way to describe what I do is to say that the steps towards greater psychological and emotional health are: 1) awareness, 2) acceptance, 3) action.  I help clients become aware of problems and possibilities for solutions rather than just remaining aware of dissatisfaction or confusion.  So the first step usually involves understanding and feeling things clearly in order to find a way that allows progress.  The second step is often the hardest, it's often the step people try to skip.  While some have viewed acceptance as a sort of fatalism, I believe that we have to accept that our situation is what it is without trying to pretend we are different than we actually are.  Luckily, part of who we are includes curiosity and potential, so we never have to remain the way we have been in the past.  So acceptance leads to activity rather than passivity, but it is an important step all on its own.  A friend of mine said that he had trouble sticking to any diet and exercise plan consistently enough for any of them to work until he could accept that he might just remain overweight.  Accepting that possibility was not a cause for beating himself up or for quitting.  Accepting that possibility took away his fear of failure and his wishing to just be healthier without doing the work it takes.  That way, his improved diet and exercise ended up being an expression of what he wanted in his life rather than being an expression of what he feared.  Instead of running away from being overweight, literally, he ran to health.  Instead of over-eating junkfood as a way of avoiding discomfort, he started eating the things that made him feel healthy and energetic.

The third step is action.  It helps me to think of three types of action based on body, speech/relationships, and mind.  With our bodies, it is good to sleep, eat, and exercise in ways that work for us.  Speech and relationships go together because our emotions are so closely connected with the folks around us.  When we speak, or stop ourselves from speaking, how we say things and how we feel while communicating are usually more important than the actual words we use.  Our feelings come out in tone, volume, speed, etc., so speech and relationships and emotions are all intertwined.  Lastly, mind can be a valuable tool in our lives but our thoughts can also make life more difficult.  Most people have negative messages about themselves and people in general that are either untrue altogether or are not applicable as often as those messages cross our minds.  This is where resilience and gentleness are very important.  We need to find a balance between being gentle with ourselves and others and, on the other hand, taking care of ourselves or not allowing ourselves to be victims of other people or of our own negative messages.  When we can integrate our body, speech, relationships (including emotions), and mind, we can live fuller lives, accepting the world on its own terms rather than wishing things were some other way while remaining unhappy with all our wishing.  Rather than over-emphasizing acceptance (which often leads to inactivity and stagnation), I try to include acceptance in its right proportion and move on to effective and enjoyable action.

The last comment I should make concerns wisdom.  I've seen some positive-thinking-type approaches that use similar language and ideas to those I use.  But there is a danger when we start talking about improving people's ability to do what they want to do.  In our own ways, we can all be pushy and selfish and stupid sometimes.  Part of accepting reality is being willing to recognize that this is so.  In one sense, that's just how it is.  In another sense, we increase that pushiness, selfishness, and stupidity when we are unwilling to face it.  Negativity can be very important in our lives, and when people want to avoid negativity, that avoidance creates a space in our lives where negativity can grow and spread.  When we are willing to relate to negativity directly, we can learn from it.  Very often, the things we dislike end up motivating us.  My friend disliked feeling overweight, and that motivated him to first think of what he wanted (feeling healthy and energetic) and then go after it.  So if we avoid negativity, we create a dark space for problems to grow unnoticed, and we also lose some of our basic motivation.  We end up unable to relate well to grief, anger, fear, etc.  When that happens, we feel attacked by our own basic energy and we become distrustful of our reactions.  We can't set our emotions or awareness aside and still feel whole.  We can allow ourselves to feel what we feel and move forward, though.  If we relate well to our whole selves, our more positive emotions end up being the fuel for our sense of progress while our sense of negativity reminds us to steer in the right direction.  Wisdom helps us keep it all in proportion while mindfulness helps us remain alert and balanced.

Awareness, acceptance, action.