In Loving Memory of
Mark Andrew Van Raalte

You left my life so suddenly that I never had a chance to tell you one more time:

"How much I love you and how proud I am to be your Mum".

I was blessed with your birth at Easter on Good Friday the 29^th March, 1975, and I was plunged into the depths of sadness and despair on Friday the 3^rd September, 1993, when two detectives came to the door to inform me of your death.

You were 18 years 6 months and 2 days old.

In that split second, my life was changed forever, I remember screaming no it's not my baby, you must be wrong.

But from that moment I spent every second.... minute.... hour.... day and even years trying to comprehend that I would never see you again and how was I ever going to live without you in my life?

I struggled to come to terms with your untimely death and I begged a thousand times for just one more chance to hold you in my arms and tell you how much I love you. The endless "if only's" almost drove me insane, your death totally consumed my life and I could see no future without you here with me.

Now Mark all these years into my grief journey I find that those precious 18 yrs 6 months and 2 days of your life are slowly creeping back into my life.

It is the memories of those years that bring me the greatest comfort in my darkest hours.

Your gift was taken form you during a soccer game at the age of 13 when your knee gave way and you were hospitalised. The cartilage in your knee had to be removed ending your soccer career.

Depressed at the reality that you would never play soccer again and too much spare time on your hands you became a rebellious but always lovable teenager.

You were lost for quite some time and had no purpose or direction in your life until you met two young Mormon missionaries who gave you a goal in life and taught you to believe in yourself and in others.

You did Bible study with the missionaries and studied from front to back and back to front (I wish you had had the same enthusiasm for your schoolwork!) You were Baptised and became a State missionary with the church. During this period you showed great courage and determination as some people ridiculed you, calling you a bible basher, preacher or a churchie. But you never let this deter you from achieving your goal. We were so proud of you and your achievement and so happy to see you happy again.

After your death I found an entry in your diary which you had made two weeks before your death. It read:

Friday August 13^th 1993
"School is going well, but I think that I can do better. I think that I am lucky to be how I am now. I love and respect people and things more now than I have done in years. I am glad to be who I am.

Because I feel so lucky I want to go and help others when I've finished school & stuff. At the moment I don't really know what I want to do, but I know I want to be somebody or something, not just another person in this unfortunate world. I wish I was rich so I could go and help the unfortunate people (mainly kids) because it would make me so happy to just see them smile and laugh".

Mark you never had the chance to fulfil your wish, but I know that you would have done it well and it comforts me to know that you were feeling so good about your life.

In life you taught me many things and your death has taught me not to take anything for granted.

Each day with your Dad, Sisters and nephews is a blessing,
I am so grateful to have had you in my life than to never have had you at all.
I miss you son with all my heart.

Your ever-loving Mum.

To my little brother Mark
(Who never got to hear what I felt in my heart)

I never did tell you how much I loved you and now it's to late! There are so many things that I wish I had said and because I always expected you to be around,
I never said them.

I took life for granted, and in a way I think you did too!

There is no beginning and no end to the very special memories of you. To us though you are not here to see and touch, your spirit will live with us up until the day we too personally join you, in the place you now call home.

Mark, you were a very strong guy with a wicked sense of humour and imagination that we didn't always understand, no matter how hard we tried. You always lived life to the fullest, and even though you were only here growing up with us for a short time, you taught us many things and made us laugh a million times over. You had the courage of a lion and kept fighting for what you wanted no matter what anyone said. If something didn't work the first time you would try and try again until you succeeded.

Life seems so cruel to take you away, but life has certain tests which you had passed and are now in heaven standing guard, helping all the unfortunate people as you wished.

We have never had to say Good-Bye to someone who meant so much. You were so young with so many goals to fulfil, which is so hard to come to terms with. Many things could be said for all the wonderful things you haved one, but we know you would be saying:

"Hey, Hey that's enough, life's to short, we are all here for a good time, not a longtime!!"

Until we meet again take the best care and remember your little short sisters always.

Love you!