Lindsey Provencher Jasmine Jawato When someone you love dies, your perspective on life is forever changed.
Every 15 minutes someone dies in an alcohol related traffic collision and on May 6, 2009, my 18th birthday, I died. I could hear everyone talking about me but I could not respond. They were talking about how horrible it was that I died on my birthday; that I could not celebrate a once in a lifetime experience with the ones I love the most, my friends and family. I thought about my friends and imagined what they would say when they found out I was dead. I wished I could have experienced all the things we said we would do together, prom, graduation, college… I thought about my family. I wished I had treated them better, told them that I loved them more often, given them one last hug and kiss. Nothing materialistic mattered to me anymore. It didn’t matter that I never got a car or a laptop; I had lost my future. I would never be able to graduate high school. Never be able to attend the college I had spent so much time and effort applying to. I would never get married, and I would never have kids. My life was over. I had no opportunity for success or failure and there was nothing I could do about it. From this experience I learned that I have to live every moment as if it is my last. I have to make sure everyone knows how much I care about them in case that is the last time I ever get to see them. Cherish every moment and try to see the positive in everything. Take advantage of the ability to wake up another day and experience life because it can be taken in an instant.
On May 6, 2009, I found out that Lindsey Provencher, one of my best friends, had died in a car accident. We had become friends sophomore year during English class and now two months before graduation she was taken from my life forever. The night before her death, she had asked me to put her biology video project together. I stayed up past midnight finishing her video without her and baking her cupcakes for her birthday. The next day I was exhausted and grumpy from staying up late the night before. I gave Lindsey her cupcakes and wished her a happy birthday. Every school day, Lindsey leaves after fourth period for her internship. When I went to our locker after fourth period I noticed that she had left all the cupcakes there. I was hurt by the fact that I had spent so much time and effort in making her cupcakes and she did not even eat one of them. At lunch, when I found out she had died, I was in complete shock. I did not know what to say or how to feel…The next day was when my emotions would get the best of me. I realized that Lindsey was gone forever. I would never see her face or be able to give her a hug ever again…I felt so guilty for being mad at her about the cupcakes. It should not have mattered how late I stayed up to make them. All that mattered was that she was one of my best friends. All the things we had talked about…prom, graduation, trips during the summer, visiting each other in college…would never happen… So many little things in my life did not matter anymore. It didn’t matter what I was going to do this weekend or when I was going to go shopping or anything like that.All I wanted was to be able to see her and talk to her and tell her how much I loved her and thank her for all the times that she has been there for me. I wanted her to know that I would always be there for her no matter what happened but it was all too late. Even though this experience was emotionally draining, the message behind it is extremely important. It has made me really think about what is important in life; arguing with family and friends is not worth it. All I want to do the last months of school is spend time with friends before we all go our separate ways. feed://cinch.blogtalkradio.com/provencherjawato Listen to first one only please. The podcast done on Tuesday, May 26, 2009 6:53 PM. |