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2003
"The word 'symbol' is derived from the Greek word symbolon. In ancient Greece it was a custom to break a slate of burned clay into several pieces and distribute them within a group. When the group reunited, the pieces were fitted together to confirm whether the members belonged to the group. " -- from learningplaceonline.com The manetic Noth Pole moves around. This year it's in Canada. It moves around because the earth has a liquid centre. She described that movement over time as a sort of a wave. -- Conversation with Christina Observation: forgiving is different than forgetting. Question: can I remember to forget?
"My grandfather's forgetting was not personal. It had been passed to him by many, most especially the one in my family who had stepped through The Door of No Return. It was a gift. Forgetting. The only gift, the one bending reluctantly toward the opening, could give. "
-- Dionne Brand, A Map to the Door of No Return (Notes to Belonging)
2005
?Iconoclasm: the action or spirit of iconoclasts.
My father called me "pattern-breaker."
Iconoclasts:
1) A breaker or destroyer of images. esp. those set up for religious veneration.
2) One who attacks cherished beliefs, traditional institutions, etc. as being based on error or superstition. From the Greek word meaning "to break."
My defense
I didn't know it meant something to you.
I didn't kow how that would make you feel.
I couldn't feel.
Paintingland
One: geography. Two: construction below. Three: flora and fauna thoughts.
Touching Rembrandt's Nose
Every good collection seems to have one of his self portraits. There, in a brownish varnish fog, out of the gloom of his face, naked: volume in the mist, but more than that: a story, but more than that... .
Painting as a speech act, a declaration: is that what? Is hearing what I see? Is it a matter of hearing his voice, his story what's it about? Or am I reading in to his face? Or something more?
There's an inner response for whatever reason. Is it a result of affective programming, or is it hard-wired? What the eye sees and what the mind tells creates a response. It's not only Rembrandt telling.
I remember Z's painting as touching my way over the surface. I felt a sort of affinity, a sense of subtle-dancing, for lack of a better word. I didn't know Z's history or story. There was just this painting and the fact of my response.
Yesterday I mixed colours for a foundation, like the colours I used to cover my face with. Then I mixed greens as those when raspberry picking from underneath, looking up. Then I mixed eyeshadow colours. I'm curious about the dance response.
Semiotics of Colour
Semeotic: pertaining to signs ... symptoms; a general theory of signs and symbolism, usually divided into the branches of pragmatics, semantics, and syntactics.
Semantic: serving as a sign or warning of danger, as the conspicuous colours or markings of certain poisonous animals. From the Greek: sign of.
Syntax Language: a Meta language used to refer to the grammatical or other formal features of an object language.
I mixed all the reds I wanted and applied them. There's a curious effect of greying when used over large areas that way. I'm remembering Molinari's painting at AGO -- his vertical bands where the reds were a feature. It was fun to figure out his pattern, but there's the fact of his colours. I wondered whether he mixed and mixed until he got those particular ones, and if so, why those in particular? The result: a sensual, subtle, vibratory sort of inner languid convulse, but convulse is too strong a word.
Realizing I'd stayed long enough with the reds. Am I wimping out? Matisse's Red Room, do I want to re-imagine that, or do I want this jarring, almost ragged feeling that satisfies me more? Colour as a paradise world, all this fruit with no unknown names, tasting. Mixing is weirding me out. Following the rules, greens: perhaps the degrees of movement between blues and greens is too blunt? No, placed that way: lull and jarr, the game's not over. Contusions: I wonder if Bridget Riley finds it calmer working colour.
2008, 2009
Emotional Honesty feels risky. Conversation drawings opened up questions about why. I wondered what had happened. Jump paintings became a way of searching for answers.
Jump is about risk taking. How did that pattern of risk taking start? Why? Rose Suite paintings: another journey.
Terra Incognito: They sailed the Aegean Sea, leaving women behind. Women didn't sail but stayed, travelling nonetheless perhaps. Inward Journeys. I travelled to may places, yet the journeys were inward, old grounds, new discoveries.
AfterWorlds: There's still the fact of the drawings and those feelings, positions: the effort of becoming witness to internal responses. I'd made choices.
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