March 22, 2007

Sunny Day #2

T: daily reminder: if you choose NYU over columbia i will murder you 

I'm actually kind of scared. 

I find that I'm happiest when I ignore law school completely. This will catch up to me soon and I'll have a giant burning bag of tedious, unfinished, past-due shit on my doorstep. Shit.

I've been feeling nauseous every night for the last five nights. What from? From eating too much junk. Ice-cream, soft serve sundaes, McFlurries, French Fries, chocolate, assorted wafers, Ice Monster goodness, sorbet, chocolate, syrupy French toast, chocolate. It's a really sick cycle. I stay out late eating junk, don't get enough sleep, feel fat and work even harder at the gym. The gym stands little chance at combating the amount of junk I've consumed, but I work harder still, and the extra-hard work tires me out even more, putting me in shitty moods so that I'll feel the need for a tasty pick-me-up. The tide is supposed to be turning now that it's sunny day number two. There's just a little bit of lag time before I stop eating like this and get out of Bushufuland. I'd better hurry, though. The rain's coming back soon.

March 21, 2007

Today Was Sunny

Haven't blogged in two weeks. If you missed me, know that for much of these last two weeks, I've been a slumping ball of mess and wreckage. Today feels like the first sunny day in years. Things are finally looking up after so long of looking not-up, looking not only not-up, but completely and absolutely down. And I'm still kind of afraid that this up is only temporary, like the sunny days of this week. Rain is in the forecast for this weekend.

I've lost track of where exactly I started to trip and fall, but it has to do with the stress of having to deal with law schools and imminent decision-making, having an 8 a.m. class, the hurried pace of life that has come with Jocelynne's impending departure, losing my iPod, and sampling life and making mistakes which I ultimately don't regret making, but came with an enormous amount of guilt that, in combination with everything else, made me about ready to keel over and give up entirely on happiness and hope and life... Not really. But it was pretty horrible. 

I think it all climaxed on a St. Patrick's Day I'll never forget. An edited excerpt from an email sent to a couple choice friends the day after:

I can't remember the last time I've felt so utterly miserable. All my movements today were slow and things took me twice as long to do because not only am I sleep-deprived, but my mind has been preoccupied with thoughts of the happenings of last night. I walked straight into the fire. I saw it ahead of me, and instead of being smart and turning away, I just dove right in, curious to see how things would play out and how I would handle the situation. 

This week has been complete shit for me. I've been stressing out about law schools, I've been going out and not getting sleep, I've been making a fool of myself, I've been getting things like my fucking iPod stolen. I've been trying to juggle, and then fatigue catches up and I decide that I can't keep it up, so I just sort of run straight into that fire I was talking about WHILE juggling and then the things I'm juggling bump into each other and all comes tumbling as I trip and fall and am left in a bloody mess on the ground looking at the fallen confusion around me and wondering when I should pick myself up and which of the fallen and confused and insulted and hurt jugglees I should pick up with me and if they are even willing to be picked up after I threw them so coldly and carelessly down. 

It's an incoherent mess, I know. Just like I was and probably still kind of am at the moment. But I don't think I'll elaborate further. I recovered from St. Pattie's with a lot of girl talk and junk food. Then, that week ended and Monday came, along with my found iPod. Then Tuesday came along and things didn't suck. Things were actually more engaging and though a little weird, nice. Then today arrives with sunshine and breezes, a good lesson with a student, a new set of iPod earphones, Reg and Jay arguing over who I love more, and a slightly lessened workload. After the first full night's sleep in weeks that I'm planning on getting tonight, I am going to jump straight into tomorrow believing that it can bring no bad things.

March 7, 2007

Cold and Rainy Again 

I don't like tutoring spoiled Taiwanese children with annoying fake-nice mothers. Why do I keep signing up for it?

It's cold and rainy again. All of a sudden. This kind of thing happens all the time here. This whole cold-and-rainy-again-all-of-a-sudden thing. It kind of adds a layer of miserable to everything. Except for nighttime light displays, actually. The rain actually adds quite a bit of lovely to that (once you get past the soggy pant-bottoms thing.)

Visit Flickr for more photos of the Taipei Lantern Festival at the Chiang Kai-shek Memorial Hall.

Yesterday after class, I was on my way to the gym when my stride was interrupted by a text message from a special Taipei friend with whom I'm always down to hang. I had to choose: gym or hang. It was an easy choice only because I knew I'd get to go to the gym after hanging. But it threw my entire day off, and while hanging, my mind wandered gymward on more than one occasion, counting down the minutes before I could leave him so that I could get in my workout. 

I love the post-workout feeling of exhaustion.

Working out, combined with being a girl during certain parts of the month, has inspired me to make a temporary return to indulging. I think it started on Sunday with the seemingly innocent 10 NT McDonald's soft serve, followed by the night market binge at Pingxi. After weeks of turning down ice-cream and free chocolates, I've reverted back to dipping into the Chocolate-Covered Almond Clusters jar. The thing is, once I start, I can't stop. I don't just dip into the chocolate jar, I triple-dip. And the other day when Joce and I were at Starbucks (on full stomachs, mind you), we purchased their new item: the super rich Espresso Brownie. I felt really sick after. I think I'll start being all diety again soon. God, I annoy myself so much when I'm like that.  

7:55 p.m. edit: The slippery slopes of Bushufuland are coming back, I think. I had a craving for a chocolate peanut butter wafer earlier. I figured one wouldn't hurt, but when I came back from tutoring, I had two more. Then, after dinner, the last wafer was eyeing me, just begging me to eat it. So I had to. I am feeling unwell. I think the shitty weather makes me eat more.

March 5, 2007

Light It Up

First day back at school. Waking up at 6:30 a.m.  was not something I missed during my three glorious weeks off. One of my classmates seems to have given up. After having our time slot preferences ignored for the second quarter in a row, Hanvey didn't show up to the first day of class. According to our new teacher, he's dropped out. Well, he did say he'd quit in protest. Today we learn that he's a man of his word. Class at 8 a.m. sucks quite a bit of ass, it's true. Especially if you were up 'til 2:30 a.m. the night before uploading pictures from the awesome Sky Lantern Festival you attended!

There are a few more pictures up on Flickr. Sky lanterns are like little hot air balloons. You write your hopes and wishes for the new year on their sides and then you light them up and set them floating into the heavens. If you'd like to see video of Sky Lantern takeoffs, let me know. It's a pretty gorgeous sight.

Trying to keep afloat here. Things get a bit crazy at times, but trying to take as much in as possible without crashing and burning like some poor Sky Lantern that didn't catch the wind quite right. Doing pretty well so far, but not without a few hiccups. Yesterday morning, I was meeting up with a new student at the MRT station and was distracted, fiddling with my phone, wandering. I collided with a blind woman. And then, she apologized to me. "No, no, I'M sorry!" I say as I scamper away. Way to go, Joy.

I have a test tomorrow.

March 2, 2007

Homesick 

Happy Birthday, sister! 

Took a two-day trip to Sun Moon Lake with some friends. Posted a few pictures on Flickr. Take a look. 

School's to start in a couple of days. Found out today that I've got another 12 weeks of 8 a.m. classes ahead of me. Don't tell my classmates, but I'm kind of glad about it. Life's picking up in a few areas, yet I find that the two things I'm most excited about these days are going to the gym and eating breakfast.

Today I found out that I am going to miss the Santa Barbara tournament in May. I miss Vertically Challenged road trips. I miss the Goleta Motel 6, and the smoothie runs between games, and walking down the street in hoards with basketball shoes dangling from gym bags.

I miss receiving Netflix DVDs and being a bum and being able to spend all day watching episode after episode of some box-set drama. And I miss the ability to make mozzarella and avocado quesadillas for lunch because the ingredients are readily available.

I miss driving to LA to see friends. I miss you.

Joy: i love you
Lisa: I love mutual sentiments

I miss my full-sized bed of just-right softness and my teddy bear, also of just-right softness. And I miss the brightness of my bedroom in the mornings.

I miss Starbucks' Chai Lattes and I miss the Westwood Borders.

I miss the Dwarves. 

I miss people who I haven't even had the chance to hang out with yet, but know I'll get to when I come home. 

I love Taiwan, but come June, I'll be so ready for you, LA. I have so many plans. Among the first things I'll do is go to Trader Joe's (after my Starbucks run) to stock up on Tofurkey slices and Puffins cereal. And then buy as many avocados as I can stomach. Anyone want to come with?