Jarrett is a dynamic individual often seen selling new cars at the rock-bottom price. He has been professionally trained in the art of Japanese low-impact origami. His parents were recently demoted from the Greek Pantheon of gods for behavior deemed as "benefiting the human race too much". His brother has stupendous equine skills and can ride four horses at the same time while drinking a mug of frosty root beer and juggling three kittens. Jarrett has been known to run at speeds far faster than light, thereby invalidating Einstein's Theory of Relativity. However, in a recent science experiment for the CIA, Jarrett was able to prove that Einstein was in fact an alien from another country. Jarrett knows the value of pi ( п ) to 412,500 decimal places and can do seven digit multiplications in his head without the aid of a computer or calculator. Jarrett has been known to hold his breath for periods of over 17 hours. He can repeat ad nauseum the complete works of Shakespeare in the original Swahili, Gaelic, and Middle English. Twenty eight foot long pythons fear him and slither away at the highest speeds even at the mention of his name. He never uses a weapon. His hands are insured by Lloyd's of London because of their known reputation for inscribing Sanskrit in the rocks of excavated Egyptian tombs. Jarrett keeps the Geico lizard in a cage by his bed when they are not filming commercials together. Jarrett once read all of the Harry Potter novels in a single afternoon and then wrote several children's books, giving all of his royalty money to the starving children in Uganda. Jarrett does not sleep. He handles money with ease, and can always provide change in Euros, Lira, Yen, or solar credits. Jarrett was once a member of the Earth Space Defense Forces, but was honorably discharged when it was discovered that he was actually only 6 years old when he joined. His Purple Rose of Gallantry medal serves as the proof of the millions of lives he saved defending the Earth against aliens from other countries. Despite all of his capabilities and contributions to the betterment and survival of mankind, Jarrett has never attended school in the 4th grade. --- Linkage thanks, Inspirations, and Propers to This Page. | 
