Jokes about John McCain 

 

John McCain was driving his "Straight Talk Express" bus home to Arizona when he got a frantic call on his cell phone from his wife Cindy. "Be careful, John," she warned him. "I just heard on the news that there's someone driving the wrong way on the highway." John replied, "There's not just one. There's hundreds of them!"

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Q.  Why is John McCain running for President?
A.  It was at the top of his bucket list.

 

John Mccain is so old that he remembers when Joe Biden was bald.

 

John McCain is so old that he would break the Fountain of Youth.

 

Q.  When does John McCain usually go to bed?
A.  Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch.

 

John McCain asked two questions when he proposed to Cindy. First he got down on his knees and asked her, "Will you marry me?" After she agreed John then asked her, "And can you help me get back up?"

 

Q. How do you spell the name of the next boss of the United States of America? John Mcain, John Macain, John Mccane, Jon Mccain or John McCain?

A. Cindy McCain. 

 

At his last birthday party John McCain managed to blow out every one of the candles on his cake. Unfortunately, several of his guests had to be treated for wax poisoning.

  

At a recent press conference John McCain promised to protect the Social Security trsut fund and even showed the reporters his own card. It's number XXIV.

  

The Secret Service gave Bill Clinton the code name The Clap. John McCain is known as the Clapper.

  

Responding to requests for full disclosure, John McCain released over 1,500 pages of his medical records. That's really not as much as it sounds like. It's large print.

  

John McCain has been criticized by some Republican commentators for not being conservative enough. It didn't help when McCain drove the "Straight Talk Express" all the way across the country with its left blinker on.

 

Q. What did John McCain say when his plane was shot down over enemy lines?

A. Curse you, Red Baron!

 

Q. Why did John McCain take so long to release his medical records?

A. The archeologists had to find them all first.

  

Senator McCain was accused of inappropriate behavior with a female lobbyist 31 years younger than he is. That should get him Bill Clinton's vote.

 

Unlike other candidates in the Republican primaries, John McCain says he believes in the Theory of Evolution. In fact, he watched it happen with his own eyes.

 

John McCain was falsely accused of being spotted with a sexy blond lobbyist in a sleazy dress. It turned out that it was just Rudy Giulliani.

 

Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger has endorsed John McCain for President. It's a case of a RINO endorsing a DINO.

 

John McCain recently fired a campaign aide after he asked for a Johnny Walker and the aide brought him a drink instead.

 

 

Q. When did John McCain decide that he believed in the theory of Global Warming?

A. Right after he got confused while adjusting his office thermostat and set temperature too high.

  

"The nice thing about Alzheimer's is you get to hide your own Easter eggs." --John McCain [actual quote]