Like so many others here today, I was raised in a Christian home. I could make fairly complete answers when it came to defining the gospel, sanctification, and atonement. I remember praying to God to save me a couple of times when I was younger. But there was no fruit in my life to demonstrate any repentance or faith. I took a lot of things for granted. I knew that when I sinned, if I asked Jesus for forgiveness, he would always give it to me. Consequently, I thought that once I asked for salvation I could go along on my merry way, asking for forgiveness when I sinned, but never even attempting to stop sinning. Looking back, I realize that I was living my life asking God often for forgiveness, but ignoring the fact that I needed to turn from my sins and live for Him. I wasn’t really living for God or trying to follow His will for my life so I often felt insecure and frightened that I wasn’t truly a Christian. I was taking God’s forgiveness as a matter of course and there was a complete lack of thankfulness or realization for what God had done for me. Fortunately, God did not leave me in that condition.

Almost two years ago, I began to be frightened that I could never gain God’s forgiveness. Because of terrible thoughts that were in my head about God, I became afraid that I had sinned too far for God to forgive and that I could never come to Him. Never previously had forgiveness looked so precious as it did when I was afraid it was out of my reach. I became terrified of being turned away by God. I couldn’t eat, drink, sleep, pray, concentrate on anything, and I could hardly even talk. I remember nights of pacing up and down my room moaning because I was afraid to pray and afraid not to. I was battling with my thoughts 24/7 and I felt so alone and guilty. Looking back, I realized that God never left me alone for one minute. He was right there through everything and he didn’t leave me in despair. Like in Lamentations 3, He caused grief, but also had compassion.  He opened my heart to truth, convicted me when necessary, and poured out His everlasting love and forgiveness.

Through God’s grace, the wise counsel of my parents, Steve and Nicole Whitacre, my sisters, a few close friends, and several valuable books, I learned the difference between a temptation and an actual sin.  And I realized that repentance and conviction are gifts from God and if God was sending me those things, then I didn’t have to be afraid that He would turn me away. One verse that helped me at this time was John 6:37 which says, “All that the Father gives me will come to me, and whoever comes to me I will never cast out.” This verse assured me that God will never give up on me and that I never have to be afraid that I can’t go to Him.

Through God’s changing my heart and opening my eyes through this whole process, I became aware of my sin and my need for a Savior. I can’t give an exact date when I became a Christian, but I do know that at some point during those months God opened my heart to receive His truth and enabled me to respond. I repented from my sins and put my faith in Christ. Since then, I have noticed a passion for God in my heart that I have never had before and a desire to follow his will for my life which had been completely nonexistent before.

 I want to be baptized today in accordance with God’s command in Acts 2:38 which says to, “…Repent and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ...” Today, I can honestly say that God has changed and is changing my life and desires. I did nothing remotely good in my life to deserve His love. He pursued me and showed me His forgiveness and gave me a peace and trust in Him. I want to spend the rest of my life in His service.