What's a gentleman? - Somebody who knows how to play the ukulele but doesn't. What do you call an ukulele player with a beeper? - An optimist. What's the range of an ukulele? - Twenty yards if you've got a good arm! What's the difference between an ukulele player and a terrorist? - Terrorists have sympathizers. What's the difference between an onion and an ukulele? - No-one cries when you chop up an ukulele. What's the difference between an ukulele and a banjo? - The ukulele takes less time to burn. Why is it good that ukuleleists have a half-ounce more brains than horses? - So they don't disgrace themselves in parades. If you drop an ukulele set of bagpipes and a viola off a 20-story building which one lands first? - Who cares? What's the difference between an Uzi and an ukulele? - The Uzi stops after 20 rounds. What do you call ten ukuleles at the bottom of the ocean? - A good start. How do you protect a valuable instrument? - Hide it in an ukulele case. What's the definition of perfect pitch? - When an ukulele is thrown down the toilet without it touching the sides. What do ukulele players use as a contraceptive? - Their personalities. What's the difference between a chainsaw and an ukulele? - A chainsaw can be tuned. What's the difference between a road-killed skunk and a road-killed ukulele player? - The skid marks in front of the skunk. |
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