Grue
You are likely to be eaten by a grue.
The first mention of grues in the Zork games is the following ominous line:
- It is pitch black. You are likely to be eaten by a grue.
Further investigation will reveal more about their nature:
- > what is a grue?
- The grue is a sinister, lurking presence in the dark places of the earth. Its favorite diet is adventurers, but its insatiable appetite is tempered by its fear of light. No grue has ever been seen by the light of day, and few have survived its fearsome jaws to tell the tale.
This warning is not to be taken lightly. If the player attempts to continue moving through a dark place rather than returning to a lit area or activating a light source, there is a high probability he will be caught and eaten by a grue. Originally, grues were not a threat as long as one remained still and didn't leave one's location, but in later games it has been possible, in certain situations, to be eaten by a grue simply by waiting around in the dark.
Someone even wrote a song about Grues... 'It is Pitch Dark Video' and the Lyrics
A grue (Gruesomicius ravenousi) is a box-shaped gap-toothed mammal known for eating humans, though more recently they have been known to kill certain lone wolves, construction workers, a gerbil or two, speranah, the occasional monkey, people who send annoying chain e-mails, your pets, and...well, Grues like eating a lot of things...
So Beware you lurkers in the Dark, stay in lit places and post offen!
If you see eyes shining in the dark there is a good chance a Grue is after you!
Much is made of the idea that grues have such an aversion to light that no one has ever seen one and it is impossible to gain a firsthand physical description of one and that, conversely, grues are such formidable predators that light is the only possible means of avoiding them. The question of how grues are able to survive undetected at all without being trapped in a dead end by a wandering human with a lantern has often been debated by fans, attributed either to their ability to squeeze through tunnels humans can't see or to use something akin to Dungeons & Dragons' "shadow jump" ability.
Grues cannot be killed with these things
Guns, nukes, croissants, dubs, Pikachu, chainsaws, Joseph Stalin, two cows, milk, martial arts, dentists, Democrats, Wikipedia, Republicans, Karl Marx, Ben Affleck, the IRS, shoulder blades, chain mail, semen, gambling, swords[1], axes, Jesus, Jack Thompson, Dick Cheney, Quail, Trix, pretzels, ninjas, pirates, Ninja Pirates, or any other combination with pirates and ninjas, Uncyclopedia, fat people, Tony Blair, goatse, SpongeBob SquarePants, RPG's, 50 Cent, porn, beasts from the east, 12 year olds invading the internet, Maozilla, speranah, your mom, the system, Π, chocolate, Marth, Brass Lanterns, or George. Attempting to use any of the above in Grue-slaying will result in you being eaten by a grue.
In recent tests performed by experts who asked not to be named but were killed anyway, Grues CAN in fact be killed by ninjas. This however is extremely unlikely to happen outside of testing as Ninjas and Grues have made certain agreements about sharing the darkness (ninja-pirates are not included in this). However this was made without the knowledge of the anti-ninja coalition and the anti-anti-ninja coalition and has since then been proved untrue on account of the ninjas being orange.
Grues can be killed with these things
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Light, except when the plot demands that they don't.
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They can also be killed by Hadokens, but that requires nine levels of Black Magery.
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The Anti-comma, although it will not only destroy the grue, but asplode the hell out of anything within 5 miles, thus not being very useful.
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The Grue can be killed with most things on the LOWTDEBS (List Of Weapons That Don’t Exist, But SHOULD!), although they don't actually exist and should thus be disregarded.
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The Grue can also be killed with abominably bad grammar. If you is grue; stops read before now, you eye start frys.
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Grues can be killed by the Anti-Grue and its brilliant schemes and use of sarcasm, but unless you can summon the Anti-Grue, you're still screwed...
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Extreme sarcasm (yeah, right(!)) (Note: this risks killing everyone else in the vicinity)
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Phil can kill Grues. No questions asked.
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Phil eats grues for dinner, although whether or not he kills them first is unknown.
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People with profound names like Muhammed Suicmez or Trajan Smeeth, because the grue doesn't know whether to eat them or the Windows Spellcheck.
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Saguaros, However the Grue has to not notice the Saguaro, which is why they evolved their cactus form.
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A method once tried for slaying a Grue is to attack it with your own Grue, but this is incredibly stupid.
How to Deal With a Grue
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Die.
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Now Phil eats Grues, so befriending Phil is a good idea! His favorite are the marshmellow ones.
Eurg
Eurgs are the antipode to grues. "Antipode" is a very old Latin word meaning "equally nasty little creature". Eurgs are quite the opposite of grues in every respect. Except for one. They want to eat you, too. You thought you could get off easy, didn't you? Too bad! There are 74 eurgs currently living in the United States.This would qualify them for "Endangered Species" but eurgs don't like environmentalists. At least without ketchup! Besides, it's not like you'll kill one anytime soon.
How Can I Recognize an Eurg?
Frankly, you can't. By the time you are close enough to recognize an eurg, it will already have eaten you. As for their physical features, eurgs are bright blue, have white eyes. They can usually be found around photons, and although most eurgs are afraid of the dark, that doesn't really stop them from eating you in dark places. Sorry.
There is a rumor that famous actor Cookie Monster is an Eurg, but we dare not ask and if he was it would ruin his carrer!
Anti-Grue
Do not fear the Anti-Grue! He brings cookies just for you!
You can NEVER see The Anti-Grue, as he moves at a speed of Mach-Fleventy Million miles per hour.
Just as there is an antichrist for Jesus, there is an Anti-Grue for the Grue. Though the topic is debated, there is believed to be only one Anti-Grue in existence. The Anti-Grue is said to possess great powers. Some include, but are not limited to, the following: mowing the lawn, baking chocolate chip cookies, telekinesis, brewing rum, and eating crackers. It is speculated that The Anti-Grue dwells in the core of the Earth, waiting for an opportunity to fulfill its destiny. The Anti-Grue passes its time waiting by honing its skills in the usage of extreme sarcasm, a well known weakness to Grues. The Anti-Grue is said to have a much different appearance than a Grue, but as nobody living has seen it, this cannot be confirmed. In The Anti-Grue Prophecies, a series of books written by Donald Trump in 1973, it is described that in the year 2045, The Anti-Grue shall rise to the surface and assume complete control of the known universe. The prophecy also states that the Grues will start an epic battle which will last 37,000 years against The Anti-Grue. Many experts have suggested that this would completely destroy the country of Pakistan, as well as producing a massive surplus of cranberries, and naked wolves.
The Questioned Sexuality of the Anti-Grue
Many people have questioned the Anti-Grue's sexuality, it refers to itself as a he but is constantly seen in a maid's apron and with pink skin. The Anti-Grue denied all of these accusations and stated: " I'm just curious". The press was satisfied until one lone Paparapzi took pictures of the Anti-Grue naked exposing his male and female genitalia, the Anti-Grue was revealed as a She-Male and the Press had a field day running constant stories on the Anti-Grues deformities. The Anti-Grue was traumatized by these events and after much persuasion agreed to go on Dateline for an interview, revealing how his parents left him on the side of the road as a child, how he was found by and raised by elves.
Russian Grue (Gruesomicius ravenousi soviet)
“In Soviet Russia, Grue is likely to be eaten by YOU!!”
~ Russian Reversal on Grues
The rare Russian Grue can be killed by almost anything, and is common prey for oxen, weeds, cow tongues, sand castles, and lawyers. When a Russian Grue reproduces with a regular Grue, it will create a kitten. The reason for this is unknown to modern science. But who really wants to study the reproductive aspects of Grues? Not me!
Conditioned Grue( Gruesomicius ravenousi asiineedyourhelp)
The Conditioned Grue is a supspecies of Grue that is Not prone to extreme sarcasm. Attempting to use extreme sarsasm will result in the sarcasm deflected back at you.
Pictures of Grues
Grues:
Eurgs:
Anti-Grue:
Lanterns!
But don't let this happen to you!
You now have a brass lantern. It is dark.
The lantern will not light. Perhaps it needs oil? It is dark.
>I don't know how to f*ck something. It is dark.
The lantern smashes against the wall. It is dark. You are eaten by a grue.
-clash
Make sure they have OIL!
Make Fire!
