INTRODUCTION When you have intensified a man's interest in you by the methods and to the point described in the foregoing chapters, you have made considerable progress. The transition from such an intensified interest to a desire to have you for his own and for all time, is not a great one. YOU CAN CONSCIOUSLY WIN A MAN'S ATTENTION, YOU CAN CONSCIOUSLY BEHAVE IN SUCH A MANNER AS TO INCREASE THAT ATTENTION INTO INTEREST; BUT THERE IS LITTLE THAT YOU CAN CONSCIOUSLY DO TO INCREASE THAT INTEREST INTO DESIRE… You must depend here upon what you are, not upon what you do. There is but one rule to follow now--to live up to the best, the kindest, the gentlest, and the tenderest that is in you, and to let the man glimpse the true beauty of your inward character. Interest is not likely to grow into desire unless the man is fascinated by what you are. Every man who loves worthily first places the object of his affections upon a pedestal, first worships her as the perfection of feminine graciousness, and then seeks to claim her as his own. The girl may not seem a divine deity to other people; but she must seem so to him. Unless she does, the overpowering tenderness that will make him sacrifice his freedom, tax his usually limited resources, undertake the heavy responsibilities of marriage, and attempt the often impossible task of providing for the girl as she deserves, is most unlikely. OF COURSE THERE ARE EXCEPTIONAL MEN WHO MARRY FOR OTHER REASONS, WHO ARE GOVERNED BY FEELINGS DIFFERENT FROM THE PROTECTIVE ADORATION DESCRIBED, BUT NO WOMAN WORTHY OF HER SEX DESIRES MARRIAGE ON SUCH GROUNDS, OR WITH SUCH MEN. Every girl wants to be, and ought to be, in the mind and heart of the man who marries her, the perfection of womanhood. In fact, before the average man can overcome his doubts and plunge boldly into the sea of matrimony, she must be. Hence our insistence, in the first half of this book, upon your bringing out the best in your character, acquiring personal magnetism, and making yourself more womanly. While waiting for Nature to do her task, you must be careful not to do anything that will make it difficult for her. If Nature is endeavoring to make this man put you on a pedestal and worship you, the best way to aid her is to put yourself on a pedestal. If you stay there and appear to belong there, Nature's task is a great deal easier. In being the gracious woman above described, you have already placed yourself upon the pedestal, you have already demonstrated your worthiness of man's worship. The trouble is that when a man hasn't put you on the pedestal himself he likes to wobble the pedestal to see how you can stick on. If you waver, if you lose one iota of your refinement and purity of character, he will be greatly disappointed and Nature will be frustrated. But if you stand steadfast, and refuse to let yourself give up anything that belongs to the ideal woman, he will be fascinated. YOU WILL BE TO HIM A MYSTERIOUS AND UNUSUAL WOMAN. He will usually end by believing that there is no other place in the world for you except on that pedestal and by devoting his whole soul, if permitted, to keeping you there for the rest of your life. BODY
It is not only the man who wobbles the pedestal. Most often the girl herself does it. ESPECIALLY IS THIS TRUE WHEN SHE DISPLAYS ANGER. At such times, if she is not careful, she is likely to fall off the pedestal altogether. Yet anger can be made attractive; the girl can wobble her pedestal and yet succeed in sticking on so admirably that she is more interesting and adorable than ever. In short, your anger, your sauciness, your willfulness, must be mostly pretense--used to bring out the contrast between your adorably human frailty and waywardness and the man's steadfast strength and firmness. There is no better
school for learning how to be attractively naughty than watching the antics of
little children, especially of little girls who have been spoiled by too much
loving. They are so trusting, so sincere, so innocent, and yet so piquant and
outspoken, that they are often teased into anger. They are too innocent to feel
hate, jealousy, resentment, and the uglier emotions. When such a child is
teased, she doesn't respond with some hideous sarcasm. Instead she stamps her
foot and shakes her curls and pouts. She gets adorably angry The particular
advantage of bringing out this extreme girlishness is that it makes the man
feel, in contrast, so strong and so much of a man. That is why girls who are
little spitfires, independent and saucy, are often much sought after by the
men. BUT THIS WAYWARDNESS MUST BE THE ARCHLY INNOCENT WAYWARDNESS OF A CHILD AND NOT THE Every courtship is
made up of wobbling the pedestal. The man is perennially interested in
discovering whether the woman is the sweet, pure, and wholesome creature which
she affects to be. When the woman, herself, therefore, does not wobble the
pedestal, the man does it, But no matter under what conditions you are tempted to show ugliness of
disposition, coarseness of ideals, familiarity with sacred conventions, stick
to your pedestal. Be human, be natural; but be at the same time pure and
innocent in thought and action. Remember “All that in woman is adored Your next step, after being sure that you are maintaining yourself on the pedestal, is to make the man agree that you belong there. There are certain qualities, however, your belief in which you must now emphasize. These are his courage, his sincerity, his right-mindedness, and finally and most of all his NOBILITY. First you must believe that in the depths of his nature he has these qualities. Then you must look for them and find them in what he says and does. This time, however, this is not done in order that you may offer him appreciative understanding, but in order that he will place you on a pedestal. The difficulty with all this is that the man does not always act as nobly as his real character would require. Men often slip and stumble, often are careless and forgetful, and at times low and cruel. Is the girl to close her eyes to this and still maintain that she sees manliness and nobility in him? No, for that would immediately stamp her as insincere. If a man does something that is inconsistent with your idealistic conception of his character, you must first show reluctance to believe it. Show that you had thought it impossible for a man such as he to do such a thing. If you are compelled to believe it, indicate that you know it is contrary to his true nature and was only the result of carelessness or thoughtlessness. YOU MUST BE IMMENSELY DISAPPOINTED AT HIS TEMPORARY LAPSE, BUT YOUR FAITH IN THE ULTIMATE NOBILITY OF HIS NATURE MUST BE UNSHAKEN. CONCLUSION Two Results of Your Plan. The first result is
to increase his enjoyment of your appreciative understanding. Appreciation from
any source is always relished. When it comes from someone whose good opinion
does not count for much, however, whose judgment is not respected, it is only mildly
gratifying. It may be taken as a matter-of-course, or even as the natural
tribute of an inferior to a superior. But when the appreciation comes from someone who is fine and true and
noble, who insists upon the highest ideal at all times and everywhere, then it
is worth having. Appreciation of that kind is rare and hard to get. The second
result of your conduct is to increase the man's good opinion of himself. If he has hitherto looked upon
himself as a not particularly good man, he begins to wonder if he has been
doing justice to himself, if he has not been covering up his innate nobility of
character by his refusal to let it have free rein. When Love Comes He has become, for
the time being, a poet, he thinks and feels about her in the glowing terms of
poetry. His thoughts and emotions travel this circle faster and faster, until
his head and heart are fairly dizzy, until he exclaims with an Italian “Lady, since I
conceived Is it not plain, after perusing this poem, that no man can love except where he first worships? Is it not plain, too, that she must lift him "from among shadows in a darkened place," where he never remembers the good that is in him, that she must point out to him "the place of truth" where "in shining brightness" he truly belongs? HW ASSIGNMENT 15 CHAPTER XV. Arousing Worship, Adoration and Love. Please email me your answers to 1Femmy@gmail.com before Wednesday Oct. 14, 2009. 1. Fill-in: “Interest is not likely to grow into __________ unless the man is fascinated by what you _______. Every man who loves _____________ ________places the object of his affections upon a _____________, ________ _____________ her as the perfection of ______________ __________________, and ________ seeks to claim her as his own. “ 2. “The trouble is that when a man hasn’t put you on the pedestal _____________ he likes to -?-.” 3. “In short, your _________, your _______________, your _______________, must be mostly _____________--used to bring out the contrast between your adorably human frailty and waywardness and the man’s steadfast strength and firmness. 4. List 7 possible steps the adorably loved child takes when teased. Memorize. 5. Explain this sentence: “A fascinating thing about it is the perfect trust in and dependence upon the generosity and liking of the man which shines through the pretended anger or impatience, the natural assumption that the man is so much stronger and abler that he is bound to be indulgent toward the woman's weaknesses.” 6. “But no matter under what conditions you are tempted to show _____________ of ________________,_________________ of __________, _________________ with __________ conventions, stick to your pedestal. Be human, be natural; but be at the same time _________ and _____________ in ___________ and _______________.” 7. What is your next step, after being sure that you are maintaining yourself on the pedestal? 8. What are the qualities you must emphasize at this stage? 9. Men often slip and stumble, often are ___________ and ___________, and at times ______ and ________. Is the girl to close her eyes to this and still maintain that she sees manliness and nobility in him? ______, for that would immediately stamp her as ______________. 10. List 8 possible steps to take when a man slips in words or actions. 11. Name and explain the 2 very important results of your plan. |
HW 15 completed by...
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